Monday Morning Lawyer

KAGEN AND THE GESTSTOPO, TIGER MAKES 105M(ONE FOUR EACH HARLOT) JAMES CAMERION MAKES 210M, AIN'T LIFE GRAND?

2010-06-29T15:17:00.000-07:00

Schtoop the presses, good morning mr, mrs. America and all the ships at sea. Sandra Bullock is divorced,Lady(?) GaGa earns 62M and Obama still smiles. United States Supreme Court
Nominee, Ms. Kagen, undergoes screw tinee, by the Alta Cockers on Capital Hill..

I guess the venum prone Hillsters are licking their chops, unless someone else is licking them,
to try and persuade their co-dependents to not confirm Ms. Kagen. After all who would want
a brilliant and vibrant legal mind to sit on the highest court in the land. I am quite sure she could keep
everybody up to actually listen to whatz goin on in da court.

If America were smart, they would hire James Cameron and his blue army, to seek out and find
ben laiden. One Masud could master the plan, in about 30seconds and that piece of scum would be
history.

I've been watching the tumbling tumbleweeds and am hankering to get back to places that have tall
buildings and low esteem. In the immortal words of Sally Fields, "they like me, they really like me"

Belated Mazeltov to Steve Cooley, the District Attorney of Los Angeles County, for his bid to becoming
the Attorney General of California. I recieved an invitation to attend his election night's victory, but couldf
not attend.

I would also like to acknowledge a certain lady, who's beauty, wit, elegance, charm and grace, has made
me a much happier man. Step aside Dorothy, Kansas has someone else, who can set my heart afire.

My name is still Marshall Bitkower and Overland Park is now the Crown Jewell of the American Dream.

PS Sir George has been crowned Mr. Mensch of this century.

DR. 90210 AND DR. OZ DO "BROAD-WAY" MUSICAL, IT WILL BE CALLED, "PARADOCSYCLE"

2010-04-13T19:46:00.000-07:00

Curtain Up, Lite dem lites, they got nutin to do butt relax. Starting here, starting now, Darling( and Darlingala's), Everything's comin up roses or the stems could be tighten., Look in the mirror, what do
you see a new person who used to be me! Funny your a person who went under, couldn't face
the facts of age. Funny here's that needle again here, the one with the little gage.

In just a few hours, you'll be swollen like a pig, ewe know. But, in a few months you'll be beaming
from ear to ear. I just hope your ears still look like ears, instead of ears of corn. If this comes true,
you could always, pop your corn. (Bada Bing, Bada Bang)

Will it be a Hit or a miss. Hopefully if a man let's these two tinseltown Dr. Strangeloves, operate, he won't
turn out to be a "Miss" ( if dis needs 'splaining, fugett it)

Speaking of Broadway Hits, I hear that the story of "ZaZuPitts" will also be a Musical Xtravaganza.
Funny when I waz growing up, I thought ZaZu, was a fruit, filled with pitts.
And yes Michael Douglas will star in the life story of "Liberachee" Mark Damon will play his lover.
Kinda like "Good Will Hunting meets The Birdcage. Think of the sequals, "Great Balls Of Fire Island"

Mel Brook's, "Men In Tights, To-To" The Aunty Murphy bio,"To Hehm and Back"

Well thatz about it, boyz & girls, My name is still Marshall Bitkower and izn't it stupid that
Tiger Woods entered the Masters, when he really wanted to enter(bad choice of words).
Masters And Johnson?

Are Tiger's in the Circus neutered? Well we know of one "Tiger" that needs it.

2010-04-06T18:39:00.000-07:00

Remember Mr. Mc Gue? He was a wittle fellow who was very near sighted and never
saw things clearly. Kinda like Dr. Tim Leaey"aura" Well he has come, kinda like Tiger,
out of sexclusion and has changed his name and has converted to Judiesum. He tried to
become a Muslim, but he couldn't stop eating. He looked too much like Budda, to become
a Buddist.

With his converting, he enrolled in a "Circomescission School" Or ass it is called
"Ya,Ya Ya, I go Too Swingin Scho-uuull" He thought it meant a Swinging Schul"

He soon joined the eye-site impaired fraturnity( named for the grate movie) "From Hear
To Fraternity" The cast included Deborah Kerr, John Kerr, Kermit the frog, Allan Carr, The Cars,
Vickie Carrr, Borris Carloft, The CarrPenters, Chilli Con Carnee, Abe Lassfogel, Bebe Neworth,
Moishe Pipick, Doodles Weaver, The Weavers, Darlene Love, Lovey Arum( of put up your dukes
fame) and Jessee James, who should of died with Billy The Kid.

INTERMISSION, not a style of making love!

Ok, so here's the latest from Spinciltown. Mr. Mc Gue-Stein has become a recognized Moyle,
butt of course he cannot regognize himself. He has offered his free sevices to Tigerama, who has
"Rammed" alot, especially in Eilot. This could be the woodsman's salvation.

Of course leftovers would be donated to all that watch, "Nip and Tuck" Or in Tigerland," Nip and Fuck"

This Shirley( #79, on his hit list) could possably save his sliding and slippery(Bada, Bing, Bada BANG)
car-ear. If my brother's dog could go through this, then Tiger should,too.
Would anybody then care about his "short-comings?"

I am still Marshall Bitkower and I'm still wondering if the bride and groom will be wearing
stillettoe heals, at the Cowell Wedding.

I Made a Mistake in my previous blog. Yes me screwed up.

2010-04-03T14:24:00.000-07:00

I should of said that Allen's and Reggie's horse, named Dakota, was a palomino.That is because
they are friends with Itrallions. I hope you understand, cause eyes iz really trying. Marshall

And You Thought Hemingway Wrote "The Son Also Rises" Wrong, don't you know anything about Easter?

2010-04-03T14:17:00.000-07:00

Howdy You all, I've been secretly observing the Texas Sceenery, igogneattoe. These Texans do not'
where 10gallon hats, If they did, they would be bigger taen what Sparkletz delivers. I.ve taken a
hi-atez from Jollywood and the "Valley" and have set up shop where the "Yellow Rose of Texas",
had her origin, Not to be confused with my aunt, Rose Shapiro. Yes I am 1/2 a Shapiro.

"Who knew?" there are Jewish people named Shapiro. Marlee Maitland, never told me.
I am now a full fledged member of "The Hill Country Jewish Community Center"
Jewno what is interesting, my new friends, Allen and his lovely wife Reggie, who are from
Brooklyn, along with that tree that grew there, are now living here on a :ranchette"
A ranchette is having 100 acres or less. Of course I was brought up to call it a Renchette.
You see Jewish Cowboys live on a" rench"

Alan and Reggies minnie Ponderosa is 7acres, They have a palomino( named after being
friendly with an Itarallion) Hey Dino if you will read this, give it to Frank, when you are done
with it)

You know that Sandra Bullock is from Texas. Some person should put barbed wire around
Jessie and his girls( where is Rick Springfield?) public parts and throw them into a heard of
stampeeding horses and buffaloes. It will surely save attorney's fees.( Bada, Bing)

I am petioning for Texas to reapply "Hanging" for all people convicted here of using the word,
"Moseeing along" I believe that Mel Brooks started this movement or was that movement started
in "Blazzing Saddles?" Speaking of movement, I am glad that Mel Gibsoned latest movie tanked
at the box office. He and OJ should start a club and use the club, on each other!( 2nd. Bada, Bing)

My brother Greg, is a fine musician and has a band called "The Flashbacks" They do songs that
people can enjoy, not the alleged songs that are recorded today, such as "I found my thrills, taking
Britney's pills" Or that new hit, "A shot gun to the head, is better than the greatful dead"

I am still Marshall, or as people refer to me as Marshall the Marshall.

PS- I applied to be a Texas Ranger, there are 108 of them, but they only take from their
own Texas police officers. You need 8 yrs. of Piece Officer's expierience. They told me
that my expierience with riding around with Hollywood Vice, did knot qualify.

JAMES CAMERON AND X-WIFE, KATHERINE BIGELO, FIGHT OVER "OSCAR" WHEN I GOT DIVORCED, MY X AND I FOUGHT OVER MEMBERSHIP TO THE PRIVATE CLUB, "PIPS"

2010-02-06T16:02:00.000-08:00

Did Ja ever wonder about the stupid and trivial "crap", that people fight over? There once waz a pvt. club
in Beverly Hills, called "Pips" It was very exclusive because it was very expensive to join and their bylaws
stated upon a divorce, only one could keep the membership. During my lovely divorce proceedings,
where I had eight different attorneys, I sought custody of my three German Shepard Dogs and the
"Pips" card. I was awarded my dogs and was told their was a "Hit" on me, if I did not relinquish
my membership to "Pips"

Finally the great Judge, Harry Shaefer, flipped a coin and I won the Pips Membership.
Today, such a vital item would be placed on E-bay, 4 sell. Judge Shaefer would take his most
interesting divorce cases and sell them to various television networks. I got a call one night, to watch
on television, a movie of the week, called "Divorce Wars" I rolled over (like my dogs) laughing,
because a couple was fighting over custody of their three German Shepards. I was his-tearicle
because I was watching my divorce on NBC.

The one issue that was never fought over, was the custody of my son. My x-wife was awarded
custody and I had reasonable visitation rights. At least our insanity was never tested, for the sake
of my son.

Throughout this tormented ritual of divorce, my x only had one lawyer. Being an attorney and having
to rely on another attorney's advice, was knot something I was used to dealing with. That is why I had
eight different divorce lawyers. This included myself, who I fired because I was not doing a good job.

When I now think about the fighting over the "Pips" membership, I start to laugh over all the negative
energy involved in keeping that membership. What I lost track of, was in not fighting over my membership
in The Human Race. How little of us take that membership seriously.

This is one club, that doesn't cost to join, nor are their dues to pay.

So back to The Academy Awards Nominees, I would suggest that if James or Katherine win,
for best Directing, that they share this award with their x. After all, the sum total of their craft
was built from parts of both players. Joint custody ain't a bad idea, certainly less expensive
than attorney fees.

I am still Marshall Bitkower, a bit older, a bit wiser, a bit still edgy, but what the hell, we only
go around once. Perhaps our adversaries and x's, don't seem to know this.
By the way, I llok forward to Pres. Clinton and Pres. Bush, apearing on "Hung", the series.

One of them should be "Hung", from a tree, but he wouldn't know it and one should write a book,
about being a "Tiger", in the white House.

The Golden Globe Awards, a show of class, glamour girls with quite an ass and a place where Sandra Bullock can gracefully say "BullShit" After all it was on the NBC (Neckrophiliacs Bribe Conan) Networst.

2010-01-18T14:59:00.000-08:00

Last night on the once honored NBC, where there once was the "Diamond" of Broadcasting, which
is now called "The Well-Dung" networst. had the classiest and starful awards show.

The Golden Globes has always been a class act show. Most of the people attending know what
it is to really "stretch" out and "suck" it in( these were one call starlets) Each person attending
is given a picture of themselves, in one year. Most are then given various upcoming( isn't that
a great word?) dates for a wittle Nip/Tuck time. These Royal Punim's, will soon look 14yrs.
younger. For the "Cougar" look, the fee is $6500.00, for each time you have been married
or each time you had sex with the same person, for five times or more.

Former Oscars, Tony's, Emmy's, Grammy's and proof of ownership in a TV series, with over
115 episodes, can be used as collateral, but not to exceed $250.00

Ricky Gervais had some brilliant moments. When he introduced Mel Gibson, who looked
like he had too many Gibson's, it was like watching Hitler touring a "Viking/Mele" store.

I would like to see Haley Barry, Natalie Portman, Julianne Margolies, Rachael Weitz and
that Raven girl from "24", starring in the new version of "Make Room For Daddy" and I
wood play the "Daddy" In this case the step daddy. I would help raise these tender morsals
of Tinsel-Town.

Meryl Streep is having a ball, in all these great comedic roles. This is one "CupCake" who is
always great in "Rolls" she is cast in. One of my favorite rolls she played, was that of the " Kaiser"

Now that was a roll(Bada-Bing) Sandra Bullock has become a "National Treasure" Now wonder
she has Jesse James guarding her. I loved his mother, Joni!

The Phrase, Suave , Charming and Debonaire, was created for George Clooney.

Maybe if I'm lucky enough, in 20yrs., to get a part in James Cameron's next movie
"THE BIBLE" Pro vs Con., I two might be a Golden Globe Nominee.

Till then, great title for a song, I am still Marshall Bitkower, the crooning warbler, who
is trying out Sat., to be The American Susan Boyle. And my thanks to George/Molly,
Greg/Ellen, Conrad/Elaine, Mary & The Maryinettes, Rogers/Astaire, Vanna White/
Vowl Movement, The Ungar Library, Danny/Juniors, Julia/Julia, Howdy/His Doody/
The Texico Star Men, Fernando/Esther, Debbie/Elizabeth, Harpo/Chico/Marxism's,
The Chairman Of The Board Of The Mile Hi Club, Bill Clinton, Hillary/The Flying Nun
Ryan Seacrest/Sea Men, Lollipop/Lolipop, Bernie Gelson/Mrs. Gooch, Lone Ranger/Teller
(no Penn) and that Special Girl From Wilson High School/Legal Sectratary, who is really
a "JOY" to beheld.

NBC'S RATINGS ARE LOWER THAN LADY GA GA'S GA GA'S. FOX ISA PHONAN, FOR CONAN. LETTERMAN IS CALLING IT, "THE CIRCUS OF STARS"

2010-01-13T15:08:00.000-08:00

The NBC Network, aka Nudge By Conan, is in dire-straights of having it's PeaCock shaved.
It seems "The Jay Leno 10pm, 5 days a week , has died a quick death. Much faster than Tiger's
appetight binges or faster than a speeding bullet. Jay ought to put his stale jokes and low libedo
into a musium, just like he has for his cars. Poor Conan( wasn't he one of the "Coneheads",
has been offered a spot, at 12.05am. the problem is, it cannot be called the Tonight Show,
more like the "After Tonight Show" This is because the very talented program directors there,
are given Jay a 11.30pm show. If I am correct Jay started the Tonight show, when it was
90 minutes, which became a 60 minute broadcast. Now, The Nitwits By Choice Networth'
want to give Jay 30 minutes. Hey Leno, do you see a pattern here?

I wonder what Mavis has to say, hell, is there really a Mavis? Why doesn't the poporatsi's find her
and grill her for answers. Why doesn't CBS, ABC, Fox, CNN, The Cartoon Networth and the
Dupont Networth, offer one million daollars, for just a photo of her.

At least Johnnie Carson, used to show all his ex wives and the current one. David Letterman
has shown pictures of his wife. Conan has never shown pictures of his "Farfell Family" ( now that's funny)

Jimmy Kimmel, was really funny last night, he wore a 25lb.chin, when talking about Jay.

Jimmy Fallen, is keeping his mouth closed. Like he should of done in the movie , with
Queen Laydiva!!

Poor Carson Daily, no one really watched his show, now only Jay and Conan will be watching.

As for the asstoot NBC Mental Mensch's, I hear they are working( working?) to fill the gap at 10pm,
Monday-Friday. Here are my suggestions for new shows.(bathroom break, be right back)

Mon. 10 pm-"Law and Disorder", the true story of the program executives at NBC.

Tues. 10pm-"Fairy Tails of The Young & The Restless" Masked true stories of how many men
from William Morris End-ever, slept with the Pea-cock, to get a head in this business.

Wed. 10pm-The reality series, "Inside James Cameron's Brain". This show will be dedicated to
all relatives of Studio's, who never had a hit movie, grossing over $1.25

Thurs. 10pm-Saint Elsewear and Dr. Kildare join forces and look for a cure for "Bordom"

Fri. 10pm- Re-runs of, " THE DINAH SHORE SHOW", showing how to see the "USA in your
Chevrolet, America's the greatest land of all" Burt Reynolds and David Nelson, will co-host.

So Ladies and Gentlemen and All The Ships At Sea, I am still Marshall Bitkower, soon to be
known as Marshall The Crooner. Another showing of who I am. In the meantime, why is
Elmer Fudd, still in charge of America's Intelligence Agencies?

GUESS WHAT? I'M BACK AND YOU MUST BE TOO. IF YOU AREN'T BACK, THEN CLOSE. I'VE BEEN TOLD THAT THINGS ARE BETTER, BUT I HEAR THAT GENERAL MOTORS HAS BEEN DEMOTED TO PVT. MOTORS.

2010-01-06T13:00:00.000-08:00

Well ,we survived 2009,(WHOOOPEE) but some of us did not. Tiger Woods, has been secluded
in a private place. He's bundled up in a "warm" and "cozy" spot, somewhere in the "Deep" South.
The weather reports say that the climate is "moist", with no sighns of humility insight. Insight is one
thing Tiger does not seem to have., although he's had alot of other things.

California's Govenor, Coneadd The Terminator, gave his "True Lies" State of the State speech
today, His wife had to leave, because her cell phone's song,"Hell To The Chief", went off. It
turned out the caller was Sylvester Stallone. Sly reminded her that the script is fininished for the
movie he and Arnie will be filming, in a few years. The tentative title is "Alter Cockers Do Activia"
Jamie Lee Curtis, will co-star. Who would of "Guest?" ( now that's funny)

The Awards Show Season has started. The People's Choice Awards has Queen Laydiva, as itz
Hostess. I'm sure she will knot be the only "Queen", at this gayla event. Adam Lambert, the new
"Revlon" spokesperson, will be introducing the new "Lipstick Stick", which contain batteries. Need
I say more? Another item he will introduce, will be Adam's Moisterizing Cream. I won't ask what
area it will be applied, but there are two places of interest. I hear the C.I.A. is investigating the fact
that Adam and his "Apple" have been seen all over(or under) West Hollywierd, dressed in Laycee
Army Fatigues.

Mr. Awards Man(?) Neil Patrick Harris, will explain on TMZ, why his parents gave him two Manly
Man names.I guess "Mary Jayne" wood of been the names of choice, kinda like free-choice!

The Numbing Award, has been given to Jay Leno. The Award was given for the "Dullest" hour on TV.
Jay's trite and tiresome "funnies" are the Ambien of The Television Networth. Perhaps NBC, now
means "Not By Choice"

Mary Tyler Moore and Jesse Ventura, will have a new sit calm, on the Milk Of Magnesium Channel.
It will be titled,"They Went That Away" (bada bing,bada bang)

News Flash---The Los Angeles Presevation Society has renamed The LaBrea Tar Pits. The new name
is, The LaBrea Avitar Pits" Did juno that 20th Century Fox gave James Cameron a $100,000,000
bonus for the "Titanic" movie, which grossed ( according to Mrs. Gross) almost two billion dollars.

20th Century Fox is projecting a 4.5 billion dollar gross for "Avitar". They are now negoiating with
Congress to buy and give James, The State Of Alaska. Watch out Sarah, you might be transported
to a new planet and you may grow a tail. This time, you maybe the "Hunted" and won't have your
Levi"s on for fast running. Sarah running, can you just imagine that?

James Cameron's next movie will be about a Luxury Cruise Ship, with 19,000 passengers, which is
wisked away and lands on William Shatner, who still dresses as James T. Kirk. The movie will be a
dramedy, called "Space Ships" ( isn't that cute?) The Plotz involves a Canadian Shakespearean, or Bacon,
actor, who yearns to meet a man with pointy ears. He creates an "Enterprise" of super crews ships, which surge to various unknown worlds. The vessels main squeeze, Ms. Oh-Whorea, has Come a board, to
develope the first Intergalactia Brothel. Think of it, Intercourse in Interspace.

Well that's about it for now, boys and girls, combinations there of, plus good luck to TNT, for giving
"Southland", another chance.

My name is still Marshall Bitkower. By the vay, whatever happened to Veronica Lake, Arthur Lake,
Swan Lake, Lisa Edelstein's halter top, Shelley Nelbert, Mike Glickman, Francis Scott Key, Sabu,
Tony Marshall, Denise Dannon, Marion & George Kirby, Sidney Toler, Philo Vance, Tommy Rettig,
and "Nate", from "Nate n Al's?"

BYE,BYE 2009, I DID KNOT LIKE YOU, I WILL NOT MISS YOU AND AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, YOU HAD NO MEANING, YOU WERE "MEAN" TO EVERYONE & EVERYTHING, IF WE KNEW WHAT YOU WERE ALL ABOUT, WE WOULD OF PASSED ON YOU. IN OTHER WORDS, "YOU SUCK"

2009-12-31T12:51:00.000-08:00

I had a Professor in Law School, who would say to anything that he did knot like,"Kiss Mere In Toukess",
you do not have to be Jewish to figure-out ( like Kirsty Alley) what this expression means.

You initially charmed us, when you entered after New Years Eve, 2008, but we learned what a phoney you
were. PHD's and Psychiatrists, from television and acclaimed member's of Harvard, Westlake schools,
Stanford (and son's) MIT, Cal-Teck, Rydell High, Dr. House, Dr. Do-Little, Doctoured Documents,
Gelson"s and Our Miss Brooks, all agree that you vere nothing, except a real "Dr. Evil". Mike Myers
played you in da movies. You could of seen it at IMAX or MINY ME.( Bada Bing, Bada Bob)
Weemember "The Road Movies", such as "Road To Rodeo Dr?" Now yous nose who Bing & Bob were.

Now where was I, oh yeah, in Woodland Hills. Now back to 2009, a real "schmuck", of a year.

Perhaps 2010, will be a better year. We all could use some tranquilty in our lives. Hay, if we survived
2009, maybe there is still Hope four the Human Race. It looks like 2010 could be our saving Grace.
Thank You, George Burns! If Sherlock Homes ( not to be confused with KB Homes) can gross,
$65, 000,000 the first week and Avitar can gross $610,000,000, in 7 days, then we gonna make
it,two.

I wish to personally Thank, George and Molly Hatcher, Greg and Ellen Bitkower, Balfore and Suzanne
Lax and Punky Lax, My Sis, Mary Hatcher and her kids, Dr. Mark and Lisa Goulston, James and Karen
Vititoe and Mrs. Calabash, wherever she iz, for the warmth and understanding, that they have given me
throughout the year(s)

I, also Thank God, that my son, Mark Bitkower and I have a relationship again and I wish a speedy
recovery, to a Very Special Hungarian Lady, from Long Beach,Calif., who will always be the Love
Of My Life. God Speed, God Bless and may 2010 be the year of understanding and peace.

I, am still Marshall Bitkower and I still miss Dean Martin and my Baby Girl, Emmy. Now drive safely
tonight, because the person in the other car, could be you and your loved ones. Except for Tiger Woods,
who has loved ones,twos,threes,fours, and now is "UP" (now that's funny) into double digets and double
C's and dble. D's.

LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICER'S, FBI,LAPD,HOMELAND SECURITY,WEST HOLLYWOOD SHERRIFS DEPT ( WITH THEIR CUTE WITTLE OUTFITZ, BORDER PATROL,THE LOAN RANGER AND TONTO,JESSE JAMES AND SANDRA BULLOCK,MARSHALL BITKOWER AND HIS DEPUTY MARSHAL'S,SARGENT PRESTON AND YUCON KING, HUGH DOWNS AND THE CIA, WHO ARE LOOKING FOR THE MEANING OF THE"I" AND THE SONS OF THE PIONEERS, BBG'S/AZA'S AND DEPUTY DON KNOTTS, WILL BE OUT LOOKING FOR VARMITS TO CAPTURE!

2009-12-30T13:18:00.000-08:00

To my Fellow and Fellowetts Americans, the largest( keep your out of the gutter and clutter) will be
searching for the worst offenders, you know(knot the candy bar, who dated Mickey Cohen)and eye-no
who even Law & Order(1-3) refuses to dramaties( the ones with Betty Davis,Gig Young,Paul Muni,
John Barrymore,Jon Gosslinen, Denise Ungar, Marcel Marsew, Randy Quaid, The Hardy Boys, Ed Hard-ee, Clint Eastwood, Senator Byrd, "Big"Bird, Fanny Brice, Vincent Price, Holiday On Ice and The Five
Stooges, Vat yous don't remember Ira & Bubbie Stooge and my uncle Mike Shapiro, from the Sands
Hotel in Loss Vegass?

Yes these "dramties" are sold at Buffins, Orbach's, Nat Weiss,Gimbles,Mr.Mike of Beverly Hills and the
parking lot of Delores's and Hamilton High School"s Auditorium, where I sang "Mack The Knife" and inside
Mr. Teaford's wooden leg. (not to be confused with John Wooden)

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, these Law Enforcement, men, women and in/betweiners, are on mission
style, to arrest bad people and bad shows on Television and Cable. The list of "alleged" baddies are

1. Jay Leno, who's 10pm show, is duller than Richard Nixon's grand kids.
2. Katy Cureact, who thinks a new hairstyle is NEWS.
3. HBO's" True Blood ", for never discussing False Blood.
4. To Time Warner, for never doing a movie, based upon The Warner Brothers
5. To Oprah Winfrey, for portraying Oprah Winfrey
6. To CBS, for not putting on, CSI-Tel Aviv (bada bang bada bagels)
7. To The CW for redoing Melrose Place and not showing the pilot for "Ventura Blvd" Where do these
    jerks think "Valley Girls" come from.
8. To NBC, for not showing Bob Barker's 115th. Birthday Party.
9. To ABC, for not showing Robert Wagner's Reverse Mortgage Comercials. What "RJ" should be
    pitching is "Reverse Aging". By the way, what ever happened to Stephanie Powers? Remember
    she was "The Girl From Uncle"
10.To FOX News, for not allowing their girl reporters, to wear "Halter Tops
11. To Carol Burnett, for not having her own show again. Like Leo The Lion said, "That's Entertainment"
12. To Marshall Bitkower, who seems to know all about these "Drippy Do-Due Shows.

Once again,(like a new Tiger Woods Mistress wood say, I think a new one is coming up) it is that time
when I must bid adue to 2009, the year of Heartaches and Avitar. Mr. Cameron, you are a genius,
in spite of the fact that your movie before "Tanked" Now that's "Funny" If you do not get it, get into your
Ford Pinto and drive away. PS I certainly miss my German Shepard and Best Friend, Emmy Bitkower.

"HERE YEE, HEAR YEE( WHATEVER A YEE IZ) THEE BLOG-MITZFA AWARDS FOR 2009, WILL SOON BEGIN( NO NOT THE FORMER PRIME MINISTER OF ISREAL). BUT FIRST THERE ARE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO, BEFOUR THEE AWARDS ARE ANNOUNCED.

2009-12-26T18:23:00.000-08:00

Grab your Ipods,open your Blackberry's, find your Smart phones ( IQ's of 75+),produce your cell phones
( or cell-u-lite for women)look up your Webb Sites( not Donald Duck),prepare your Emales and fee-male
brides), your AVITAR Shades, with your AVITAR inhalers, your spring chickens, with their spring mattresses, toss out all of Mel Gibson's wedding vows, hidden under his bottles of Gibson's, retract
Bruce Springsteen's favorite dish, a Patti-melt and do not vote for Osmondland, to become the fifty first
State in The United States. This is because every Osmond has eight children, 375 cousins, 550 aunts and
549 uncles(one uncle double dipped)

You probably do not know that the Theme song of Osmondland is" Womb On The Range." Now that's hot

Additionally, throw out your Huggies and Huggy Bears, your Viagra and goulosh's, your Girl Scout Cookies
and Tonto ( think about it Lone Ranger, but not the guy in the bank) Bada Bing, Bada Bang. Discard your
Chrysler Solara and your solar heater, erase the offspring of Capt. Kangaroo and The Grunge, known as
Capt. Kangagrunge ( that is stupid, but I'm knot purrfect)

Take your two week old Latka's and give them to The Army in Irac( not to be related to the song, "Irac all the way home". Destroy all your 3 Musketeer bars and four in hand ties. Cut up all your KY and KGB cards. Seek and destroy all of Glayds Knight's Pips and membership in the private club "Pips"

Purge all Burger King wrappers, but not Snoop Dog, along with audition tapes from "the Young And
The Restless, which show clips of David Hassellhoff, Lindsay Low-han, Kiefer Southerland, Brittney
Spears, Forrest Tucker, Marjorie Lord, Marjorie Main, Mr. Wizzard and Bob Clampett, before they
became stars. Keep the clibs from Ira the Moyle.

                               NOW WE HAVE COME (AND ARE MORE RELAXED) TO THE EXITING
                               PART OF OUR PROGRAM. THE BLOG-MITZFA AWARDS FOR 2009

                     THIS IS A GOOD TIME FOR A BATHROOM BREAK AND TO PUT YOUR KIDS
                     TO SLEEP, OR SEND THEM TO SIT & SLEEP. ITZ FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

FIRST CATAGORY-ENTERTAINMENT AWARDS
1. THE 14 WOMAN OF THE HIT T.V. SHOW, "HEIDI FLEISS AIN'T TOO WISE" ALL OF THESE
WONDERFUL LADIES, OF THE EVENING, HAVE NOTCH'S ON TIGER WOOD'S PUTTER.
THEY WILL AND HAVE "GONE DOWN" IN THE ANALS OF SPORTS ILL-ISTRATED OPEN
FOURUM OF SLEEZY. ( NOT ONE OF SNOE WHITE'S DWARFS)

I UNDERSTAND THAT EACH OF THE 14, WILL AUDITION FOR THE NEW VERSION OF
"THE PRICE IS RIGHT"

2. THE NEW SYLVESTER STALLONE MOVIE, "THE EXPENDABLES"( ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT WAIST SIZE'S) SLY'S CO-STARS WILL BE, DOLPH LUNDGREN, REIC ROBERTS,
WILFRED BRIMLEY, JETT LEE, DICK VAN DYKE, MEREDETH BAXTER, MARJORIE LORD, MARJORIE MAIN, JON CLAUDE VAN DAMN, VICTOR JORY, REGIS PILLBAN, MICKEY
ROONEY( YES HE IS STILL ALIVE, AT 114YRS.OLD) SABU, RUSS TAMBLYN, NANCY CULP,
NANCY'S BROTHER, ROBERT CULP, MANTAN MORELAND,BURL IVES, DAVID LADD,
JOSE GRECCO,BUDDY GRECCO,HELEN GRACCO, ANN HATHAWAY( THE DAUGHTER OF
"THEY WENT THATAWAY".

CAMEO'S WILL BE, ALEX TREBEC, MORRY THE DELI MAN, NANCY QUAN, POLLY BERGIN, NANCY META, ERNEST BORGNINE, POLLY ADLER, PHILO VANCE, MR. T,
STACY LONDON, A FAVORITE OF MINE, DR. OZ AND HIS FATHER, WIZARD.

PLUS BETTY WHITE AND ROGER MOORE, AS STAR CROSSED LOVERS.
PART OF THE BUDGET WILL BE THE MAKERS OF "GERITOL" AND DONALD TRUMP'S
ALIMONY FUND, VESTED AND FUTURE.

3.JAMES CAMERON, AS THE GENIUS OF THE DECADE. THE MAN WITH SUCH VISION,
THAT HE HAS PREDICTED THAT SARA PALLIN, WILL STAR IN THE REMAKE OF THE FILM
"THE MOUTH THAT ROARD"

4. TO ANJOYLIE JOLIE, FOR BUYING UP THE RIGHTS, TO THE LIFE OF MS. SOUL-EE-MAN
ENTITLED, "I REQUESTED A WIDE BIRTH, BUT NOT IN PURPIDTWOITY"

                                    INTERMISSION, BUT NOT A POSITION.

POLITICK AWARDS
1. SEN. ROBERT BYRD, THE MAN WHO PROVES THAT PERSONALITY AND CONGRESS
ARE NOT RELATED.

2.SEN. CHANEY, THE BLACKSHEEP OF THE LAWN CHANEY DYNASTY. COMPARE HIM
TO CHEVY CHASE ON "SATURDAY NITE LIVE" AUNTICS.

3. MS. NANCY PELOSSIE, A COMBINATION OF BEAUTY, WIT,CHARM AND THE ONLY
PERSON IN GOVERNMENT, WHO COULD FLIP YOU THE "BYRD", WITHOUT MOVING
HER HAND.

5. SARA PALLIN, YES AGAIN, WHO SHOULD NOT GO HUNTING WITH SEN. CHANEY, OR
MAYBE SHE SHOULD.

6. THE FORMER GOV. OF ILL., YOU KNOW THE GUY WITH HIS HAIR OVER HIS EYES,
AS OPPOSED TO THE WOOL OVER HIS EYES, I WILL TRY TO NAME THIS MODERN
"ISHKABIBBLE" RON BRADORIVITCHITCH.

THE SPORTS WORLD AWARDS. IN ALL HUMILITY, THESE PEOPLE THINK THE PHRASE
"BATTERS UP" IS A DESCRIPTION, NOT A SPORT'S TACTIC.

NUMERO UNO, OF COURSE ,GOES TO THE FORMER IDOL OF BILLIONS OF PEOPLE,
THE MAN THAT "GOOD HOUSEKEEPING" PICKED AS THE MAN TO LOOK UP TO,
BUT ONLY IF YOU ARE A "FREE AGENT", WITH A MONTHLY INCOME( NOW, THAT'S
A FUNNY WAY OF PUTTING IT) THE WINNER, WHO IS NOW THE BIGGEST LOOSER'
IS TIGER WOODS( WHO SHOULD OF BEEN A MORMON)

I DON'T WANT TO KICK A MAN THAT IS DOWN, BUT WHAT WAS HE THINKING?
ITZ KIND OF LIKE CHINESE FOOD, AFTER AN HOUR, YOU WANT SOME MORE,MORE
AND MORE. ANYONE WHO LEAVES VOICE MASSAGES FOR HIS DESSERTS,
REALLY HAS A LOOSE SCREW. IN TIGER'S CASE(S), HE WAS ONLY AFTER
A TIGHT SCREW. WHERE WERE HIS POSSY"THE CORRECT SPELLING" OF HIS
HANDLERS, WHO SHOULD OF PROTECTED HIS GOODY TWO SHOES IMAGE?
THEY SAW WHAT HE WAS "UP TWO"(OR DOWN TWO) AND USED A LITTLE BRAIN
POWER, TO USE THE PROPER VENUE TO PLEASE HIS STROKES,

WHAT TIGER NEEDED WAS A COL. PARKER, NOT PVT. RUMP-FREE.

2. TO ALEX ROD(NOW THAT'S FUNNY)RIGUEZ, FOR SHOWING HOW TO SLIDE INTO
A HOME RUN.  HE HAS SHOWED GREAT STAMINA IN TRADING IN AN OLDER MODEL BLONDE, INTO A YOUNGER ONE. I GUESS HE THOUGHT HE WAS A GREAT PILOT,
BECAUSE HE ALSO LANDED IN THE HUDSON.

3. TO KOBE, FOR LEARNING THE SONG, "DIAMONDS AND A GOOD DIVORCE LAWYER, ARE A GIRL'S BEST FRIEND.

SO THAT'S IT, THE 2009 BLOG-MITZFA AWARDS ANNOUNCEMENTS HAVE BEEN MADE.

I AM STILL MARSHALL BITKOWER AND HARVEY LEVIN(OR UNLEVIN) CAN KEEP HIS
TMZ, I HAVE MY AZA. OH YEAH, BEFOUR I SIGN OFF, FOR TONIGHT, I HEAR THAT
TROJAN CO., MAY HAVE TIGER WOODS, AS THEIR SPOKESMAN, FOR 2010.

"COMING SOON", NO NOT "TIGER", THE BIGGEST AND BADASS BLOG-MITZFA AWARDS. FROM ANALS OF ENTERTAINMENT, POLITICKS, HI-PROFILE SCHMUCKS AND WHOMEVER HAS CREATED HAVOC TO THE HUMAN RACE.

2009-12-23T18:32:00.000-08:00

LOOK OUT, IT IS BEING HATCHED AND WILL NOT BE SEEN IN 3D.

SHIELD YOUR CHILDREN, MUZZLE YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW AND WONDER WHAT'S
UP, WITH HUGH HEFFNER! THIS WILL BE REVEALED, FASTER THAN OPRAH AND GALE
WILL BE NAMED "GO" I AM STILL MARSHALL BITKOWER AND AM GETTING MY SHOTS
BEFORE THE" BLOG-MITZFA" AWARDS FOUR 2009 IS ENDED OR REAR-ENDED.

SAY GOODNITE GRACIE!

WORLD'S LARGEST DATING SITE, "DOLLY MADISON" HIRE'S NEW PITCHMAN, TIGER WOODS, TO FIVE YEAR CONTRACT FOR ONE HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS A YEAR, OF A FIVE YEAR CONTRACT!

2009-12-20T15:30:00.000-08:00

TIGER IS NOW BIGGER THAN DAVID BECKHAM. JUST ASK HANES. THIS IS A VIS-YOU-AL
THING ( DON'Y ASK ME ABOUT MY "THING") TIGER BABY'S NEW SPON-SORE IS
THE DOLLY MADISON DATING SIGHT. IT IS RUMORED, THAT "THE WOODS-MAN"
WILL ALSO GET A "PEACE" OF THE ACTION.

DOLLY MADISON AND TIGER BABY ARE A PERFECT MATCH. KINDA LIKE JOHN
F( KNOW WHAT THE "F" STANDS FOUR?) KENNEDY AND THE "HOLLY-WOOD"
HALL OF FAME. TMZ SAYS JFK, HAS HAD MOST OF HOOLY-WOOD BLVD. AND
VINE ST., BETWEEN SUNSET AND HOLLYWIERD BLVD. I, ALSO HEAR A GOOD PIECE
OF "FRANK SINATRA BLVD., IN PALM SPRINGS, ASS WELL.

I AM NOT A GOLF INFORMED PERSON, BUT HAS "WOOD-SEE", EVER WON THE MASTER'S? I KNOW HE CERTAINLY HAS WON THE "MISTESS'S" AWARD. HE IS
NOW CALLED A "MOTHER-PUTTER" I ALSO HEAR THAT THE "SMITHSONIAN" HAS
REQUESTED "TIGER'S PUTTER" IT WILL LIE NEXT TO THE "LINCOLN LOGS" (BADA BING
BADA BANG)

OUR WITTLE TIGER HAS PUT A BID IN, TO BUY THE ELIZABETH TAYLOR ESTATE
IN BEL AIR, BECAUSE IT HAS 127 BEDROOMS. HIS PURCHASE WILL TAKE AFFECT
ON FEB. 14TH. ( THINK 'BOUT IT) HE HAS PUT DOWN ( CUTE PHRASE) 33MILLION,
ON A "LAY"-AWAY PLAN. THE TOTAL PRICE IS 169 MILLION DOLLARS

THE HOLLYWOOD VARIETY( NOW THAT'S FUNNY, THINK IT OVER, OR UNDER) HAS
REPORTED THAT TIGER WILL TRY AND SIR-PASS, MCDONALD'S CLAIM OF OVER
2 BILLION SERVED/SERVICED.

CHINA, BULL-GARIA, ROMANIA,THE GAZA STRIP CLUB, FRANCE AND PAYGO,PAYGO
WILL EXPORT ALL OF THEIR WOMEN TO":TIGERLAND ", WHICH WILL NOW BE NAMED
"THE HAPPYEST PLACE ON EARTH" SORRY ABOUT THAT MR. DISNEY.

THE WALL STREET JOURNAL, HAS REPORTED THAT TIGER'S WISH LIST IS NOW LONGER
THAN "WAR&PIECE"

SO THAT'S ABOUT IT AND I AM STILL MARSHALL BITKOWER. THE EDITORS OF
SPORTSMEN ILLUSTRATED, HAVE REPORTED THAT TIGER IS NOW NUMBER WON,
FOR HAVING USED THE MOST USED "BALLS" IN THE HISTORY OF SPORTS.

"TIGERGATE" TAKES THE WORLD BY STORM! MAKES "WATERGATE" SEEM LIKE A DRIBLE ON SANTA MONICA. AS WE SAY IN LAW, THIS IS A REAL "BILL OF LAY-DING"

2009-12-13T16:31:00.000-08:00

There is wide-spread ( good choice of words) reaction to Tiger's Wood-s Rampid bid to be the
new men's version of Anna Nicool Smith's legacy( or should I say "Leg's Up C?") and the modern
man's James Mason. Letta me splain this, when Pamela Mason hired Marvin Mitchelson, ass her
Divorce Atty., Marvin supeenned 50 women, who were laid to rest by Mason. When all 50, were
seated in front of the Courtroom, James Mason quickly settled with Pamela.

Now in Wittle Woodsy's matter, who needs these women in a Court Room? They are all over
or under the news Media. Itz kinda like Vanna White, spinning the wheel, to see who is next in line,
to give vivid de-TAILS, of Tiger's Hole In One.

NEWS FLASH! KEL-LOG'S CORN FLAKES, HAS JUST FIRED TONY THE TIGER!

It seems because of Tony's ancestory, Tiger's are no longer welcome to all the corn flakers.
The ACLU, has filed a Billion Dollar Lawsuit, on behalf of Tony against Kellog's, based upon
civil right's violation's, for discrimination based upon Tony's background.

, OTHER FALL OUT NEWS!

1. The Zebra World Organization has authorized their black stripes, to be dyed Orange, in protest.
2. The Barber's of Seville have changed their outside poles, to include an Orange Stripe. Saville Road,
has also has stated that all custom made shirts, will have a Bengale Tiger Stripe on them

3. The Assoceans of Global Convicts, Inc., has told their supplier of uniforms, General Mills, the most
decorated soldier from the Fire Island Malay, to make all uniforms with Orange Stripes, instead of Black.

4. The BROAD-WAY( there is a pun in there) Musical, written by Steven Sonheim, has been given
the new Title of "Into The Tiger Woods"

5. The International Errol Flynn fanclub, has nominated Tiger Woods, as their Hero of 2009. Their new
slogan for 2010, will be changed from, "In Like Flynn, to "In Like Woods" What a wonderful gesture and
all proceeds they recieve, will go to all the women/strippers/bar floozies/ladies of the evening/hungary vipers
from Trashy Longerie and all needy little money grubbing, life suck-ing vampires and probably every SAG
Member who has attained the age of 27-92 and who's only work has been as models for "Sit & Sleep"
come-ercials.

6. The Dinah Sore Golf Ladies(?) will be sponsored by Tiger's Milk. I'm pretty sure, most have not tasted it.

7. The reincardation of the old T.V. show, "To Tail The Truth" will knot include Tiger Woods, as a
panel member,.

8. Gatoraid, will no longer be sold in West Holly-Wood. ( read b/t the sheets)

9. Buick, who's slogan was "Put One In Each Home" will drop Tigert. It seems that Tiger has already
started to "Put 1" in every home, butt it ain't a BUICk.

10. Nike, has the BALLS, to keep Tiger ass their spokesman. The Webster family, has decided to
change the pronunciation of the word "LIKE", in their dick-onarry, to now be pronounced "LIKE_EE"

Well as you all know, my name is Marshall Bitkower and I hear that Tiger Woods has started on a long
road trip. Itz more like a Guilt Trip.

"TIGER,TIGER, ON THE ROAM, SHOULD OF LEFT YOUR PUTTER AT HOME" AND STOP "SPREADING YOUR TIGER'S MILK!

2009-12-06T15:09:00.000-08:00

Tiger Woods shoulda let his "Wood", at home, where it belongs. Butt who am I, to tail the "Sports" man
who millions of kids look up to, that a "Hole In One" is usually done on the golf course,knot the :intercourse.

I now not where his mind waz, but any who has a tisket of grey matter, knows people record voice messages and since the time of that "Old Bitch" J. E. Hoover, people can record phone calls. Juno
that J.E. Hoover, wood knot give his home address? I only knew he was a size 14Dress. Now I know
why people laugh, when they here the name "Clyde" Hoover,who learned some tricks from his vacumn
cleaner, waz nicknamed "Bonnie" Sew noe yous noe, that tese two cupcakes, were the origional
"Bonnie & Clyde"

What do you think of that Warren? You know the animal trainer, of big katz, was named "Clyde" and
that he had "Beatty", eyes.( Bada, Bing)

Now we just can't blame "Tiger" FOUR everything( say four real loud and you'll get it!) All these sleezy,
wood be famous sluts, with PR men, publishers, make up arteests and 15 minutes of fame, are really
just poor white trash, who's only thought is "spread " & suck the wealth and get some cash.

Perhaps David Decocknee, who had alot of tripple x files and went into rehab, should Intervein and
show Tiger, that he is not alone with his demons. Of course David went on to star in "Californication",
kinda like the Hair of the female dog, who bit you. You know what they call a female dog?

Well Boys and girls, my name is still Marshall Bitkower and do you why Santa Claws has no children?
It's because he only comes once a year and it"s down the Chimney . I hear Rudolph is writting his
memwars, and a cetain lady from Alaska will be a full chapter, cause she once played a chimney in a
fairy-tail.

"WHAT DO PILGRAMS DUE AFTER THANKSGIVING? THEY CAN'T GO TO PLYMOUTH ROCK, OR AS THEY NOW CALL IT "LEXUS" ROCK

2009-12-01T18:47:00.000-08:00

Juno it's interesting, but why do we ownly think about them around Thanksgiving time. Do they send Pilgrimgrams to each otter? I can't believe we have know knowledge 'bout them. I suspect some pose
as Quakers and go to casting calls for the new face on "Quaker Oats" Serial.

Does(not the detergent) the United States Mint ever hold auditions for look-alikes of George Washington,
when they engrave new "Quarters?" Why doesn't Betsy Ross, who made our first flag, appear on any
coins? Did ewe know that Betsy's husband, Dr. Ross, owned the first cannery for Dog Food? (wuf,wuf)

It's probably not known, but the signatures on "The Declaration Of Independence" were written
with Cross Pens? That's why there were no Jewish signers. ( Think about it)

There is now a U.S.Mint Branch in West Hollywood. Wood you like to know what they are about
to unveil? They will be minting the first 69cent coin. It will have engraved the likeness of Elton John
and Ellen Degenerate, with the lyrics to "I Feel Pretty", underneath their skirts.

Do you think the estates of Rogers and Hammerstein, will seek royalties? I hear that the world's
greatest trial attorney, Tom Girardi will represent the estates. Julia Margulies will represent the "US MINT"

Can anybody tell me why, one of our greatest Presidents, Abraham Lincoln, is only on a penny?
Could it be that when we says, "A Penny For Your Thoughts", this reminds us of President Lincoln's
great thought process? (nothing to do with Processed Cheeze, of course) When they invented
Lincoln Logs, did Abe get a royalty? Surely(not Temple) he should of had a"Wig" or "Tourie" Atty.
to file a claim. Perhaps The Statue Of Liberty, had already lapsed. (Sorry Gloria Allwrong)

I believe the last United States President, to be on a coin, was FDR.
Perhaps corporations should put Ex Presidents on their products. I can see it now.

1.President Clinton on Cold Water Tide- The Stain Remover
2.President Bush on packages of- Dial Soap, think of the possabilities. or on Uncle Ben's Instant Rice.
3.President Reagan on McDonald's Happy Meals. By the way doesn't Ronnie look like "Howdy Doody?"
4.President Carter on a can of peanuts. Enough said!
5.Presresentment Nixon on a Plastic Sturgeons advertisement to Fix "Crooked" noses
6.President Kennedy on a package of Hollywood Hall Of Fame Footprints. Wow, what a variety.

Well Boys And Girls and their combinations, I am still Marshall Bitkower and did juno that both Danny
DeVito and Joe Pesci, were former hair stylists? Their specialty was "Short Cuts" ( Bada Bing)

DON'T TELL THE FIRST LADY OR MICHELLE, BUTT FOR CHRISTMAS, SHE WILL RECIEVE OBOMBA'S " STIMULOUS PKG"

2009-11-18T19:27:00.000-08:00

Yes itz that time again in Washington D & C, for all Politicians, including their girlfriends or boyfriends (or both), plus their spouses, to start singing "Jingle Balls" That is because the only

bells you hear in Vashington, are when you want your waiter,cook,made(Can you dig it?),etc

to come to your table or undertable and bring their "Goodies"

In fact, or knot in fact, these "Goodies" have never been "Oldies" Ask Dr. Oz, about this,

when he gets back from "The Emerald City" By the way, does Dorothy still have a little

Totetow?

Kelsey Grammar, is Back in the Saddle, again. Kelsey, isn't that a "tissue?" will be returning

to playing a psychiatryst, in the New Series, "Dr. Crane, Beverly Hills Shrink, to the Bitch and

Famous. His co-star will be, Jennifer Tilly, who will be his Sweet-mate, Dr. Upity. You've seen

her in many movies, some that were even commercial.

You've heard the phrase, everything old is new, again? Well AARP Films (not x-rays)

will be producing a series for HBO, about senior action stars, who come back from

Rumania, Asia,Bulgaria,Italy,Hugoslavia , Rehab. and Northridge. These Geritol Giants

include Steven Segall, Jean Claude Van Damp, Westlee Snipes, B.B. King and Betty White.

The Executive Producers are Sty Stalone and Judge Judy. You may not know this butt,

Judge Judy was once Miss Yonkers, in the Ms. America Contest. She placed Fifth, in the

"Amendments"

Well thatz how I see it and for all of yous that remember, "The Green Hornet" is still a virgin.

2009-11-18T18:53:00.002-08:00

LET IT ALL OUT, OLD TABOOZE ARE GONE AND WHAT EWE GOT, AIN'T ENOUGH, GET IT LONGER,BIGGER,WIDER AND LASTS LONGER.

2009-11-04T19:23:00.000-08:00

PLAYTEX ( as where the "Bush" is now) now has women on T.V., saying she likes to keep
her "Two Puppies" happy. I've tried to do that four years. I won't "milk" it, so that's enough
to say, on that subject ( and I like being on that subject) With those co mercials running, I
now know why they call it , "The Boob Tube".

When I was a wittle bitty baby and my mama would rock me in a craddle, I assumed that
"Tampoons", were wen a giant title-wave, rushed onto land, from the sea. I believe it gave
birth to a male and it was called a "sea son"

Victoria Secret, which she will nevar admit, is making Bra"s, witch will boost the "Puppies"
to two cups larger. When will men's underwhere, do the same thing? I understand that
you must wash them in "Hard" water. (bada-bing, which ain't no Crosby)

Top women's jeans, will now include built in pouch's, to store sanitary napkins.

Male enhancements are flooding the market. Viagra, those cute little blue pills, can now
make you a "stand-up" guy, for real. Ciealos, not the singer from La Scala, "comes" in two
varieties. One will last for a few hours and one will last 72 hours. They advertize that when
the time is right, to me the time was always right
The disclaymer on the package ( a "Fraudian Slip", if I ever heard one) states, "if you have
an errection over 4hrs., you should call your doctor. "For what", to thank him?

K-Y Jelley, now is made for a man and a woman.( what do same sex people use?)
I don't want to "rub" you the wrong way, butt do you get "Man Boobs" from men using
women(s)?

Yesturday, I saw a spot( ha, ha) for "The Mini Vibrator" Is that what "Austin Powers" uses?
I'm laying in wait, for the "regular" or "King Size", to "come" out. Woodn't you?

One day, there will be "Depends" in every Starbucks, Coffee Bean and Bus bench's
throughout the free world. Other countries may have a "yourining" to have them,
butt those countries are too busy reading "Vana Whites" biography, "Vowel Movement"

My name is Marshall Bitkower and this is my opinion and "Traffic Ticket Attornies", are
knot pursued by the DEA.

THE FIRST "DOUBLE WAMMY" TWO STORIES FOR THE PRICE OF WON. I,ME & MYSELF HEARBYE ANNOUNCE,SEA BELOW FOUR DETAILS.

2009-10-29T18:12:00.000-07:00

STOP THE PRESS'S, REJOYCE ( NOT DR. BROS.) OR RETREAD ( FOUR THOZE WHO ARE
RE-TIRED) BE PREPAIRED TO DUE THE FOLLOWING!!!!!

1.Close up Swiss Bank Accts. 2.Get your children inside. 3.Defrost your freezar
4.Attach your furnature to the walls. 5.Lite a candle. 6.Grab a chap-stick .( not Ralph Loren's)
7.Have CBS recall Dan Rather. 8.Erase from your cell phone, Wallmart's ph.#.
9.Stock up (or down) on "Depends". 10.Throw away all "Tiny Tim" LP's.
11. Adjust the horry zontail on your T.V. 12.Put all Wayne Newton's 8tracks in your
garbage disposal. 13.Get Dorothy back to "OZ". 14. Break all "Ronco" items
15.Find out if Tanya Roberts, has ever been to Las Vegas. 16.Hire Pvt. Investigators
to locate Michael Caine's ex partner, in dance contests, Ms. Elizabeth Abel.( guess what
they were called? If ewe cannot figure this out, then you deserve to not be "Sophie's Choice")
17.Search for Yanni's Last Name. 18.Deport Roman Polanski( whatever that means)
18.Have Hugh Downs( knot a place to race horses) replace the "Enegizer Bunny"
19. Disclose the medical fact that between Black and White anatomy, there is "Grey's Anatomy"
20.Ask Cries-slur to reinvent "Desoto's" ( not the explorer) 21.Blackjack

AND NOW THE "D O U B L E W A M M Y" STORIES

SOUL LEE MAN ( not Woody Allen's wife) and Jon Gosslin, are teaming up, for a new series.
It will be called, "The Regurgitation Hour" and will be on the cable networth, VTYD.
which stands for "Vomit Till You Drop". All sixteen of the merged children, will be scouted
by The Los Angeles Dodgers, as future ball players.

The Mc Court Divorce To Get M E S S Y and N A S T Y!

Both Frank and Jamie McCourt are sending out feelers( ain't that a "Hoot?"), to try and sign
the children from "The Reguritation Hour" Who ever akwires the wittle kids, knows that will
leadto Billions of Dollars, in free publicity for "The Dodgers" Frank has offered stock to Soul
Lee Man, for her unused IUD. Jaimie has offered Jon, to have his legs extended, so he will be
taller and a promise to find him a personality.

Frank has accused Jamie of having an affair with her bodyguard. Jamie has accused Frank
of having no "Dodger Balls" I would suggest that each sides attorney's, request that Judge Judy,
should hear this case. She won't take any "crap", from either side. Since the Dodger ownership
is at stake, Judge Judy could rule for a split decission. In other words, she could order Frank
and SOUL LEE MAN to hook up and also order Jon and Jamie to trade nuptials.

I am still Marshall Bitkower, and this is my opinion, and my first " DBL WAMMY"
By the way, Wall-Mart today announced that they will be selling caskets & urns on line.
No comment.

MISS AMERICA FILES LAWSUIT(SIZE 4)TO KEEP HER BOOBS. SPONSORS WANT EM BACK, PERSONALLY I LIKE EM "FRONT"

2009-10-28T16:54:00.000-07:00

The Miss American Booby Bored, wants em back, butt they are knot getting em, because

they have become a "fixture" and any Knit-com-boob well knows that they are permanent

and sometime "stationary".The only exception is if you are a member of SAG and keep "UP"

your do's.( this is really,don't ask, don't tail)

For any of you's who don't know, the former Miss America was "Busted" for her speech on

same sex marriages. I guess the rejects from "Project Runaway" do not remember that we

have a Freedom Of Speech. This has caused a treemendous backlash ( take that J.LOW)

The outcry( not that Gunn guy) has had it's revenge. Bra manufacturers have "Boob-Barted"

the airwaves, with it's "2folded" enhancements. Amy Winehouse has left her "haze" and had

her two octives lifted. We now test the temperature with a "BraMeter" People are putting

Salsa & Must-Terd, on their "Bra-k-worst". Rodeo Dr. Jewelers are now selling 14k "Bra-sluts"

On Broadway, critics haved rejoyced about the Musical "Bra Fest At Tiffany's" One reviewer

said it was "Tit Elating" The television series "Abreasted Developement", is now on TNT.

I ain't touching what TNT, really means. Hordes of tourists are going to "Bra-Zill"

Remember the old song, A- you're adorable? If you do, it's lyrics have been "Altered"

The new words are, A you're a "smally", B, you're "gettin there", C you're"a barrel full

of charm". If you do not know this song, you're out of luck.

Everything old is new again, is really true today. If Boob Hope were alive today, his theme

song wood be "Thanks For The Mammories" In Maliboob, Point Dume would have an arrow

pointing to The Jayne Mansfields. (Bada-Bing) The big yellow fruit, would be called a BraNana.

You probably thought I was talking about a male Geisha. On NBC's Hit Show, Law and Order,

SVU, Mariska is now protected by two 38's.( this does not need 'Splaining)

I am still Marshall Bitkower and this is my opinion. Since Holloween is just around the corner,

who will win" The Booby Prize?" Will it be Elvira or Hillary?

DID CHEW KNOW THAT "TWITTER" WAS DISCOVERED IN "TWIT-EE-ER, CALIF?". AND THAT MIKE TYSON WAS KNOT GOOD ENOUGH TO BE A "FOSTER FARM CHICKEN?"

2009-10-23T18:08:00.000-07:00

MIKE TYSON, after a stint in a Pronounciation Rehab., has been in the news( should of
been in a "noose") Is that mark or tatoo( not the dwarf from Fantasy Island) on his face
from putting his Big Mouth into a "George Forman Grill?" or from intentionally thrusting
his face into Evander Holly-Field's Steam Iron? By the way, you can buy it online at
"In Your Face".com. It is owned by"You Bit My Ear-Off Partner's, a wholy owned
subsiduary of "You Could Of Been A Contender, Inc. Which is controlled by Pillsbury,
The maker's of the new, Mike Tyson's Dough Boy. Mike's tummy is now bigger than
his "Dangling Partyessimple"

You eat it and become a cymble of how someone with an I.Q. of 17 and the temper of
a sex slave from the Planet "Urainous", could knot grow up and still marry Robin Givens.

Did you know that the "Lompoc Penal Institute", is not a disease that was created by
Guy Lom Bardo? The latest news in the car industry, is that Merlin Olson Motors will
be producing a car that looks like Merlin Olson. You, of course know that the front of
the origional V.W., was in the image of Hitler's Face. The front of The Corvette StingRay
was the image of Lloyd Bridges. If you do not understand, go sea fur yurself.

I am now expanding my column, to include a section where older people's news will be heard.
It will be called "HOT FLASH"S"

"Hot Flash"- fifty percent of Elizabeth Taylors husbands are dead. That's about 1/2 of
Jon & Kate's children. I've been told that TLC has signed Jon up for an interview show
that will be done from his bathrom. The show will be called, "Inside Jon's John" Doesn't
that just piss you off? The Q-cards will be written on toilet paper, the new brand with
Jon's picture on it. I certainly hope it catch's on. Use them free for a month. People have
always wanted to wipe themselves on Jon. ( notice, I did not use the "S"word)

More "Hot Flash's", AARP, will soon be producing movies. Scheduled titles are, ass follows

1." Diving for Prune Juice"
2."Having a new women every night, the story of a man with memory problems.
3."Guess who's Coming at dinner. I'm told there will be at least 100 takes, to com-pleat
the act.
4."The Baritones, the sequal to the Soprano's, after 30 years.( Bada Bing, Bada Bang?)
5."Ex-Lax for Bowlers"

There is a roumor going around that a famous T.V. personality and the President, are
both getting a "hush, hush" divorce. After both divorces are final. they will marry and
her new name will be, "PAT LA LAMA OBOMBA" Just kidding as Kate would say.

My name is Marshall Bitkower and that is my opinion. Did you know that Dean Martin's
favorite song was called, "Soused At The Border?

"THE FATHER OF NO KID IN BALO0N, WAS FULL OF "ROCKY MOUNTAIN HIGH"

2009-10-20T14:44:00.000-07:00

RICHARD HINEE, FILLED BALOON WITH "HOT AIR", FROM A PIPE THAT HE FILLED
WITH MARIJUANA, THAT THE UNITED STATES DEPT. OF JUST" DON'T TELL/DON'T
SMELL" POLICY, IS NOW "HIGH" ON THEIR LIST OF "SMOKE, LESS ENFORCEMENT.

I assume that the latest trends in women's shoes, will be "Mary Janes"
Kraft Foods will soon launch "Zoned Out Salad Dressing" I'm sure this will lead
to "undressing" ( This is a sure bet) Men will launch into "Viagra Reefers" This will
allow men to "Keep It Up", even if they are not. ( Those Were The Days, Thanks Archie.)

Camel Cigaretts, will now show a camel with "Two Hops" The Media will adapt this new
policy. Doris Day will re-record her old hit song, "I'm Looking Over A Leafy Green Clover"
On Law & Order, SVU, Detective "Munch" will be renamed "Munchies"

Tina Turner will blast the hair waves singing "Proud Mary" The musical "South Pacific"
to change"Bloody Mary" to ( Guess?) The old T.V. series about three beautiful girls in
New York, looking for wealthy men to meet, will now be called, "How To Mary A Billionaire"
Inflation has increased their worth, even if they are knot "Stand Up Guys" ( Bada Bing)

Everybodies favorate candy, will now be known as "M&M&M's" The Moon has long been known as having a green aura, that's what the song, "How High The Moon", is all about.

Marijuana designer stores, will now be in every "Rite Aid" drug store. That name will be
changed to "Rite-On" Drug Stores. The MDS's ( sea above) will be called, "Come Fly With Me"

Famed Drummer, Gene Krupa, will be carved into" Mt. Rush-More" Do you know why
John Wayne was always happy? That's because in all of his movies he was "The High &
The Mighty" Tom Jones, will not re-record "The Green,Green,Grass At Home" Wood you?

I am still Marshall Bitkower and this is my opinion. Now if only The Smother Brothers
would run for political office, they could have a fabulous smoked filled , fill-it-buster.

MARIA SHRIVER AND LEVY PATERSON RECORD NEW VERSION OF "I JUST CALLED TO SAY I LOVE YOU", ON VIRGIN RECORDS

2009-10-15T23:51:00.000-07:00

IT LOOKS LIVE MARIA IS "DRIVING" LEVY NUTS, BY BECOMING RECORD GURU'S.
DOES THE PUBLIC REALLY WANT THE FIRST LADY (SURE) TO BE IN A "CELL?"
THAT'S WHAT I HEARD. BILLBOARD HAS PLACED THEIR RECORDING AT NO.2

Holloween has become "Hollow and Four Weenies" ( from Four-Skins, I imagine)
Years ago kids wore masks of Bela Lugosi, Boris Carlott,The Creature From The Black
and Blue Lagoon and Richard Nixon. Nixon has two masks, sweaty and non sweaty.

In todays economic times, the masks are now, "Ellen DeGenouris and Porclin Rossi",
formerly known as "Abbott & Costello". The" Amy Winehouse" masks come in two variations,
the "Barfing" one and the "Dementia" one. For the Political wittle kiddies, we have the "John
McCain And Sarah Pale-Inn mask. It is a combination of "Elmer Fudd & Betty Boop"

Remember when Bela Lugosi said in movies,"I Don't Drink Wine?" Today's Vampires do
modern things. They wash their own dish's, iron their own capes, use Google and buy their
bed sets at "Sit and Bite" The store's spokesperson, Larry Miller, screams out, "We Will Beat
Anyone's Prices or I'll run my fingernails down a chalk board"

The children from Beverly Hills & Encino, trick or treat, with their own nutritionists.
The children from Brentwood & Hidden Hills, bring along their own psychiatrists, in
case they get depressed with the "Goodies" handed out to them.

In Estoneia, the kinder go to Kieth Richard's House, the lights are on, but nobody's there.
China hands out to every fifth child, an egg roll( Think hard about this one)
Isreal households hand out "Pledges" ( Bada-Bing)

At Howard K. Stern's home, he "Allegedly", hands out Nicole Playted blank RX Pads.
In "Marry"old England, Simon Cowell gives out jackets, with a "C-Crest", on the lapels.

In the "Entertainment"spotlight, they are making a new pilot of "Hart To Hart" Starring
Stephanie Powers and Caliska FlockHart. The butler will be played by Rush Limpba and
Freeway, the dog, will be played by Danny DeVitto. ( Wuff, Wuff, You Nitwit)

My name is Marshall Bitkower and Dous is my opinion. I am pleased to announce that we
have a new Nobleman ,in California, Sir George Hatcher.

"OHBOMBA WINS NOBLE PEACE PRIZE" AIN'T NO "KREPLOCK" TONIGHT, ONLY "CRAPLOCK"

2009-10-09T17:12:00.000-07:00

TOO BAD THE DAY OF ATONEMENT IS 50wks AWAY( OR SHOULD I SAY "OY VAY")
WHO EVER THESE PEOPLE ARE WHO VOTED FOR THIS OUTLANDISH AWARD,
MUST OF BEEN TREATED AT THE "HITLER ACADENEMA FOR THE DILLOUSINNAIL
MANEFESTATION OF REGRETABLE THINKING.

Could it be that each of these brilliant voters, were overwhelped at the thought of veiled
women dancing to the sounds of mortar exploading at a day school in Haifa?

One thing this award wasn't was "NOBEL". I guess that Jon & Kate were on the nominating
section, along with the guy who wrote "LETHAL WEAPON 5", starring Mel Gibson, as the
Weapon! Now we know where all the LSD is stored, in the lost minds of those who voted
for this award.

In all honesty, I voted for President Obomba, because he knows the battles it takes to keep
your head "High" But I seemed to misplace, whatever he has done for peace. I certainly don't
remember him inviting Barbara Streisand, Joy Behar or Larry King, to the White House, to
break unleven bread.

I've never heard him say, "We must have affordable Health Care, "It couldn't hurt" ( you must
say this phrase as if Billy Crystal and Barry Maneloff, were singing it to hymm.

You know all the money (such Gelt) to fly two jet planes to the Olympic Comm-it-tea,
could of been donated to a worthy cause. To think that Chicago, with all it's violent crime,
would be the proper place to hold an Olympics, is like asking Linsey Lohan to join the
"Girl Scouts" I would suggest that these Nobel Prize Poops, would spend a week in Chicago
and wear the fashions from "Project Runway" Al Capone would be so proud to have seen this.

Why didn't they award the "Peace Prize" to the former Governor Of New York, Elliot Spitzer, after all his platform was for "Piece" The battling "Kardashian's" would of come in 2nd.

I am Marshall Bitkower, a proud American and that is my opinion. I hear Kevin Costner will
star in and produce "Waterworld 2, The true story of the "Brita" family of Garden Grove, Calif.
It will be in 3d, Dumb, Dull and Detroit.

"BLOG MITZFA" AWARDS ARE BACK, IN SPITE OF U.S. SURPREME COURT, IN SESSION.

2009-10-08T14:55:00.000-07:00

HERE YEE, HERE YEE, MY 3rd BLOG MITZFA AWARDS ARE HERE, BUTT NOT WITH
NEAL PATRIC HARRIS. WHERE IS BILLY CRYSTAL, WHEN WE NEED HIM?

1st Award-David Letterman, for only having trysts with CBS employees. Sure he could of
gone after the ABC girls, but he could of ended up on "Grey's Anatomy", or even
gotten on "Jimmy Kimmel", just like "Sarah Silverman" used to do.(think about
that, you "Desperate Housewives" The origional tit le was "Horney Moms of
Stud-ee-o City" Did you know that Terri Hatcher, went to Roosevelt High School?

David, who was never a "Letterman", should also be admired for not "schtooping"
any NBC ladies. If he hit on the "Law and Order"women, he would of ended up
in "Riker's Island", in a padded cell, where Mariska and Chris, would be dressed
to the 9's in "Drag" and they would would all sing the hits of Paul Schaffer.

After all is said and done( like I done her and her,etc.) Davey apologized to his
girlfriend of 23yrs., who became his wife and is the mother of his grown up child.
You got to admit that this is a "Wierd" relationship. it's very strange, but not as
strange, as when the late cowboy star, Rod Cameron, who divorced his wife and
married her mother. Imagine the "pillow talk"

INTERMISSION, go to the bathroom, get a snack,make love to your wife
after all you've got 55seconds, till the next award.

2nd Award-That guy named Halderman, who attempted to extort part of the $32million,
which is wittle Davy's yearly salary. Did you know this idiot Halderman is related
to one of"Tricky Dicky's " plumbers? (if you don't understand, rent "All The
President's Men")

3rd Award-Goes to the movie "ZombieLand" which stars that Harrison dude named "Wood-ee"
I understand all the extras were from "The United Nation Staff"

4th Award-Goes to Drew Barrymore, for having homes in Beverly Hills and New York.
I guess this makes her "Bi-Coastal" If Charlie knew, he would he would not
of been so "Forthsited" ( now that's funny, if you are a "Bachelor Father")

That is my opinion of how I view the world and i'm so very happy that Jerry's Famous Deli
is opening in India. I guess you could call it, a "New Deli"

"HAS ANYBODY HERE, SEEN MY OLD FRIEND,"BULLOCKS?" TELL ME WHERE IT HAS GONE?.

2009-10-03T18:31:00.000-07:00

IT HELPED ALOT OF PEOPLE, BUT IT SEEMS THE GOOD DIE YOUNG.
I JUST TURNED AROUND AND IT WAS A "SHOPPING MALL", and Tripplets
of Seament. A place where you can live,dine,see a movie,buy a lottay, eat fresh
Yogurt, have sex and be "robbed at gunpoint" All within walking distance

In Hollywierd and Lost Angeles, "Graveline Tours", show you where movie stars died.
Why is there not a "Graveco", where once stood giants of stores and places had wonderful
memories and symbols of a happier and safer time.

We now spend 1/4th of our awake time, looking for a place to park. When growing up, the
place to "park" was on Mulholland Dr. This was many years after the "Hard Hats" of L.A.P.D.
knew the proper way of "Overlooking" Mulholland Dr. If you don't understand this, then
think about Jack & Jill, going up the hill & just Jack, "Coming" down.

In our time, we see Historic Monuments of History, closing up faster than Ms. Solliman's I.U.D.
( I Understand Dick) They should call this new memorial park, "Forrest Tucker". the place where
"Wood", grows. There should be a place where "Horror Movie Stars" are buried. It should be named,
"Lawn Chaney"

I understand that Michael Jackson is buried, just outside of the Mossaleum, "off the wall"
( if I have to explain it, I won't) There would be designated areas, for specific, not Atlantic,
types of business's who died, but are not fourgotten.

1 "Pork Chop Hill" You will find several names of Jewish Enterprises here, even though it is called,
P.C. H.( there is no 'splainning to do). Here lies Chasens, Romanoff's ( not Polanski) Stears for Steaks,
Will Wright's I Scream Parlor, Ciro's, The Coconut Grove, Cliffton's Cafeteria, Linny's Deli of
Beverly Hills, Piggly Wiggly's, Scandia, Dino's, C.C.Browns, Larry Parker's Diner (there was a
sandwich named for me) The Saloon and Billy Gray's Bandbox, on Fairfax. There was also the
great Night Club on La Cieniga, called "The Slate Bros." This was the place a young comedian
from New York, named Don Rickles, once said to Frank Sinatra, "You are skinn-ee-r, than a
"Hockey Puck" Sinatra laughed and they became life long friends.

2 "Schmatta Ridge" You will view here, Magnim's, Bullocks Wilshire, The Broadway( no, not the
story of Greta Garbo) Seibu, which lasted forty five minutes, Orbach's, Joseph Magnim, Coulters,
Desmonds, Mr. Guy, Dayton's, Sy Devore ( of Rat Pack Fame) and Tiny Tailors. ( Ha, Ha, got yeah),
it was really a restaurant called "Tiny Nailhers". SCOOP, take that TMZ, Mrs. Nailher said her
husband was not really "Tiny".

I am still Marshall Bitkower and that is my opinion. Now for all of you that enjoy a good "Shark Attack"
The United States Navy has just named Pamela Anderson as a ship of interest.

"FRIENDS,ROMAN AND COUNTRYMEN, THE SWISS GOVERNMENT IS "CHEEZEE"

2009-09-30T18:22:00.000-07:00

THE SWISS GOVERNMENT IS FULL OF HOLES, JUST LIKE IT'S CHEESE!
THEY HAVE ARRESTED DR. RICHARD KIMBLE.NO, KNOT DAVID JANSSEN
OR HARRISON FORD.( I know you can figure out this)

As Frank Sinatra once sang, "Aint That A Kick In The Head" ( every pun intended)
The Famous Film Director, Roman Hands,etc. went to Swisherland to recieve a Film
Award. Now he is " A Ward" of this safe haven Nation, where Drug Money Cartels, Wall
Street Rebels, Secret Funds from Terrorists, James Bond Enemies and Movie Studio's
Keep their "in the Black monies", while telling actors their Movies and T.V.Series are
still in the "RED" (think "creative" accounting)

So where were Polanski's Handlers? I hear they were in "ChinaTown", with "Rosemary's Baby",
who was playing "The Piano" Shouldn't these bottom-feeders of known about Switzerland's
Extradition Treaty with The United States? I hope Roman sues them for malpractice.

I, in no way ,am condoning the actions done by Polanski, towards a minor, over thirty years ago.
As a Former Deputy District Attorney and who has represented hundreds of criminal defendants,
there are plea bargains struck between three parties. The third player in the Justice System is
the Judge. Here's how it is done, the prosecutor and the defense attorney enter into what the
disposition of a case should be and they ask the judge to agree to it. This is usually a done deal.

In Polanski's case, all three players had agreed to a disposition. Some how before the actual
sentencing, the judge, let it leak out, that he was going to impose a jail sentence. The agreement
was for Polanski to be placed on straight probation.This violated the agreed sentence and Polanski
failed to show up in Court and a Bench Warrant was issued for his arrest. He than became a fugitive.

When this Judge, took it on his own to change the disposition, this cruel, unilateral, self rightous
action, could of collasped the entire Criminal Justice System. Normally I would call this Judge
a real "Schmuck", but I owe respect to this Dead Maggot. ( need I say more?)

If Polanski is returned to The United States, for his sentence, I hope equity will prevail.
We owe him that and he owes us, too.

In the meantime, I would suggest the following changes

1. The Swiss Family Robinson become The Romanian Family Robinson.
2. The Swiss Army Knife will become, The Malta Army Knife.
3.K-Swiss Tennis Shoes shall now be called K-Finland Tennis Shoes.
4.Swiss chocolates are to become Greek Chocolates.
5.Swiss cheese shall be known as Lithuanian cheese.
6.Swiss watches will be named Transylvanian watches ( they could play the song
"Fangs For The Memory)
7. Swiss mocha shall become Maldavia mocha.

I am still Marshall Bitkower and this is my opinion. By the way did you know that
President Ohbomba favorite song is "Iran All The Way Home?"

"ECONOMY SHATTERS MUSIC INDUSTRY'EVERYTHING IS CUT OR REDUCED"

2009-09-29T01:32:00.000-07:00

THE FINANCIAL WORLD OF THE MUSIC INDUSTRY IS REDUCED AND DOWNSIZED.
MUSIC PUBLISHERS MUST RE-PUBLISH WITH DRASSTIC MODIFICATIONS OF
NUMBERS IN SONGS.

Nobody( not like the Olson twin)will be raking it in, not even Madonna.( think about it)
Tin Pan Alley will downsize to Tiny Pan Alley. Here the plan to save "The Music" Piano's
will only have 44keys. If a picture paints a 1000 words, it is now 500. If you want to tiptoe
through the One Lip, that's ok.

Old standards will change their number's. We will sing "Eye Only Have Eye Two You( the 4 is now 2,
under the new plan, you will hear, "I Found a 1/2 Million Dollar Baby" Johnnie Mathis will re-record
his hit, The Six Of Never" Children will sing, "The Five Days Of Chrismas" Broadway will rename it's
Musical to " Four and a Half" ( if you don't get it, think about a cat having 4 1/2 Lives) If you still
don't get it, retire and move to Davy Jone's Locker.Not to be confused with 'Hey,hey, I'm a Monkee.
( that's an inn joke)

Movies will also feel the pinch, like young actress's do. The Gregory Peck Movie, being cast now,
will be called "Six O Clock High. Warner Bros. will re do "One For Tea" Cowboys will wear five
gallon hats. They have also opted to redo "The Three and a Half Hills Of Rome" Twentieth( or rather
Teneth Century Fox will revamp "Zurcan's Are A Girls Best Friend"

Golfer's will now yell out "two" The luxurious hotels will change their names. They will be called "The
Three Season's Resorts. You can keep the lite on at the Motel 3.

The women's store, will now be called 444Freight. The Prime Minister Of England will relocate
one "#5 Downing Street. Baskin & Robbins will have fifteen flavors. A sexual position will be
changed to "34.5". Restaurant's will now make "One Egg, over easy." Nat"King"Cole's classic
song, will become "One Young". Baker's Dozen's will be a thing of the past. An old T.V. Comedy Show
will now be "One And One Half"s Company. The Sheen/Cryer Comedy, will become" One and 1/4th Men"

A famous University will be called" Twodam" University. Snow White will have 3.s Dwarfs.
"Onelane" university will finance the play, "Seven Angry Men"

My name is Marshall Bitkower and that is my opinion. I did it all with "Smoke and Mirrors"

"A DAY OF ATONEMENT, A DAY OF ALONEMENT"

2009-09-27T15:47:00.000-07:00

"TONIGHT AT SUNDOWN, IS THE START OF "YOM KIPPUR", FOR JEWS ALL OVER THE WORLD.
THIS IS THE TIME TO ASK GOD TO FORGIVE THE NEGATIVE THINGS WE HAVE DONE, THE PEOPLE
WE HAVE HURT AND DECIEVED. IT IS A TIME FOR A NEW BEGINNING, WITH A CLEAN SLATE. IT IS THE TIME
TO REFLECT THE PEOPLE WE HAVE LOST AND PRAY FOR THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN ATACKED BY ILLNESS OR
HAVE LOST THEIR WAY. THAT PHILOSOPHY ALLOWS US TO MOVE ON, WITH OUR LIVES AND TO REFRAIN
FROM THE BITTERNESS OF THE PAST.

That sounds great, but there are those who will never let go of boiling hate, that never lies dormant in their hearts
or souls. This includes ex husbands and wives, who still blame each other, for what they were, not what and who they are.
The children who blame their parents, for every time they stumble & fall. The grudges of women, who blame the manufacturer
for a dress not fitting. ( they should actually blame the "dressing", they put on their healthy salads)

The men blame their mistakes in business on "Horses" that didn't win. Tonto never blamed his horse "Scout" for"The Lone Ranger"
being cancelled on television. Some of my friends will never forgive Germany, yet they buy Mercedes and bragg about it, to everyone!
They tell the guy at 7/11, the kid who delivers their newspapers, their opposition in Court and the man who delivers their Pittza.
Of course if the Pittza doesn't kill you. the gas prices of filling a Mercedes, will suffice.

The woman who cannot face their "faces" in the mirror, try to commit suicide by staying out of "Neiman's", for at least three days.

I by no means say these "Fo-pa's"( meaning they had four husbands) are only an example of Jews. Every denomination has the same
agendas. Did you know their are only a few Lawyers, who do Divorces in Utah.( think about it.) The Osmonds, I have been told, are attempting
to become the 51st. State.

Wouldn't it be a wonderful world, if all culturers had a "Yom Kippur?" Each could ask forgiveness and begin a "New Slate" One that would
believe in "Honor Thy Neighbor", not "Dishonor Thy Neighbor?"

I am Marshall Bitkower and that is my opinion." Mr Smart-Attack"( thatz-a me) wishes everyone a Blessed and Joyus Life.
Except to the Nitwits that cancelled "Pushing Daises" and "Time For Beanie" and not giving William Peterson, the 25million
per season, he really deserves.

"PRESENT-DENT OHBAMA WANYS ISLAM DAY AT WHITE HOUSE"

2009-09-26T15:16:00.000-07:00

DOES PRESIDENT OH-BOMB-A, REALLY NEED TO HAVE AN "ISLAM' DAY AT THE WHITE HOUSE?
WILL HE INVITE "KADAFFY DUCK" TO JOIN, ALSO? WHAT'S NEXT, MEL GIBSON REQUESTING A DAY
FOR "CHILDREN" FOR HITLER?

THE ORGANIZER OF THIS "BLAY-TINT" ISLAM RALLY, IS THE ATTORNEY WHO HAS REPRESENTED "TERROISTS".

I have represented many criminal defendants, from all walks of life, but I draw the line at" Terroists", who are a
constant threat, to not only Isreal, but to all Nations, where their covert acts has resulted in mass killings of American's
and all places where mankind ( a real oxymoran) exists. The prediction( nothing to do with how you "speak") of 50,000
Muslams surrounding the "White House", is as ludacrous as allowing "Been Lyin" to do an infomercial for homeless children.

Hollywierd is now making "The A-Team", into a motion picture. Perhaps what the World needs is our own military
"A-Team" plus Ziva DaVide, to find and flush out(great word "Flush") this reject from a "Grunge" concert, "Saten Been Lyin"

We could drop" Cement Unlevin Bread", laced with "Lethal Prune Juice" on "Been Lyin's" hiding place and finally we would
"Knock" the "CRAP" out of him. This would be the "Shit" heard around the world!

If only John Wayne, Burt Lancaster, Errol Flynn and Marjorie Main, were alive today, they could know what to do with Terrorists.
Who are our heroes of today? Are they Jon Gosselin, Sollymoma, Rachael Ray and all the "Chef's" on cable T.V.? Could the "Commander
of these new "Super Dupper" Hero's, be that guy from "Project Runway"? What would they do to win the war against "Terroism"?
Drop "Curtain Rods" on them?

I am still Marshall Bitkower and this has been another "SMART ATTACK" column that I personally created and dedicate to
California Attorney General, Jerry Brown. A man who get's the "Job Done"

"HEIDI FLEISS IS BACK ON TOP" OR ON THE BOTTOM"

2009-09-24T00:30:00.000-07:00

HEIDI FLEISS'S MENWOIRS HAS BECOME A BEST SELLER ON THE NEW YORK TIME'S BEST SELLER'S LIST.
IT IS GOOD TO SEE HEIDI, " BACK ON TOP", AFTER ALL THE YEARS OF BEING ON THE "BOTTOM" HER BOOK
IS "NON-FRICTION", OF COURSE. THE CO-WRITTER IS MR.XXXX( YOU GOT TO UNDERSTAND HIS NAME)

I had an email from John Holme's Widow. She did not like my last column, said it was "too long" I didn't think anything
was" too long "for her. I know that "John" took her virginity from "Behind Her Green Door" Alright it's time for me to get
out of the gutter and start talking about our wonderful "United Nations" The U.N. deserves the Adolph Hitler Lifetime Award,
for inviting that look alike from "Down and Out, In Beverly Hills couture designer who dressed Nick Nolte to dress "up" as in
the same manner as Moammar Kidafi did dress today. Some how the term "War-drobe" seems befitting to Kadafi, which rhymes
with Kadaffy Duck ( A special Thank You, to Balfour Lax, for thinking of that)

Kadaffy thinks that the "Holocaust" never happened. Did he get his "alleged" education from the same people who loved
Francis Scott Keys second hit song( think about it) Perhaps this wittle "scmendrick" could consult with the DNA of Richard
Nixon, who stated, "I am not a liar", I'm just an ugly reminder of how wrong Dr. Frankenstein monster was, in trying to enter
the auditions for the new, "American Idle" Judge. This is not to be confused with, "American Idol". The former is to win the title
of the top American, who does not work.

I have been" herring" roomers that Esther Williams is coming out of retirement, to host, "Diving With The Starfish"( bada bing)
I've also been told that Francis Ford Coppola will be the host on the new show, not from Jerry Bruckheimer, called "Swimming
With The Fishess"

For those of you, who haven't heard yet, all convicted politicians, will be sent to "Lyin Country Safairy. The pretense is if you
stay their for two leap years, without being killed by a wild contributor, you will have earned Parole or a " GED" certificate.

MY NAME IS STILL MARSHALL BITKOWER and I must remind you, that there is no East Carolina or West Dakota or a
East or West Pole. Good day and God Bless.

"AUTHOR,ATHOR" ADEN-DUMB.

2009-09-22T19:21:00.000-07:00

I MUST CONFESS, NOT THE FIFTH AMENDMENT TYPE ( MIRANDA VS. ARIZONA, NOT "CARMEN MIRANDA" ) THAT I FORGOT A FEW
ITEMS THAT I FORGOT TO MENTION, IN PRIOR COLUMN.

1. Before Law School, I was in the television series, "Mr. Novack" filmed at MGM, for the two years it lasted.
2.I worked myself through Law School as a "Process Server" and Quiz Show Contestant. About nine different quiz shows.

3.I won on the TV Show "The Dating Game". I "Sang" all my answers.
4.I was discovered on that show by The "King of MGM Musicals, Mr. Joeseph Pasternack.
5I went to his house in Bel-Air and he said he wanted to do a "Screen Test" of me singing.
6.If you want to know what happened, Email me at MARSHALL@MARSHALL.COM. I'll put answer in my next column.

Again or Encore,Encore, I am still Marshall Bitkower and you keep all dem cards and letters comin in.

"AUTHOR,AUTHOR," WHAT IS A MARSHALL BITKOWER"

2009-09-22T15:41:00.000-07:00

WHO & WHAT IS A MARSHALL BITKOWER? IS A QUESTION THAT EVEN DAVID LETTERMAN MAY NOT KNOW.
MARHALL BITKOWER'S DREAM WAS TO BE A SINGER WHO HAD IDOLIZED DEAN MARTIN AND STEVE LAWRENCE.

After many years of hitting the pavements of the Sunset Strip with his "Demos", somehow he sent Steve Lawrence a "Demo" that
he had paid for, by working as a box-boy at "Daylite Mrkt" on La Cieniga. It was the "Gelson's" of it's time. Steve Lawrence sent the demo
to Edward Kleban, West Coast A&R man at "Columbia Records" Columbia was going to sign a new young singer. It ended up that there were
two final contestants, Marshall and Mike Clifford, on the East Coast. The contract went to Clifford, because the "Brass" said Marshall sounded
too much like Steve Lawrence. I thought they were real "Schmucks"

Ed Kleban was pissed at Columbia for not picking Marshall and he quit his job. Ed went to New York and wrote the lyrics for a new Broadway
Show. It was called "A CHORUS LINE", and who knows what became of this Musical( Ha!Ha!Ha!)

Being very disappointed, I( Yes I am Marshall, not to be confused with "We Are Marshall") went to college, majored in Theatre Arts and
took "Fencing" over "Ballet". You had to take either course. The thought of being in a two-two, was not nor is my style.

After college, I decided that becoming an Attorney, was the closest thing to playing to a live audience. I thought lawyers wore gray suits
and drove Bu-Hicks. I went to Southwestern University School Of Law and surprisingly, passed the Bar, on the first try.
I became a Deputy City Attorney for Los Angles, Criminal Division. My first day was quite interesting. I was assigned to "The Pit", where
people came in and gave stories(most of them claimed they were being followed by "space ailiens" with antenna's sticking out of there heads)

A woman walked in, I was facing away from her, so David Ogden, a former mortician, my partner in "The Pit" listened to her tail of woe.
It seemed her neighbor walked his two "German Shepard Dogs" off the leash and wanted to report on him. I heard this and started to turn
around when she yelled out, "That's Him, the dog guy" Luckily David's experience in handling people( HA!HA!HAW!) came in handy.
He told her that since I became an attorney, I will not violate the "Leash Law"
.

Within ten minutes after she left, I got a call from David Perez, head of criminal to come to his office. David, who never had a hair
out of place on his head said to me, "Marshall, every one of my prosecutors has had complaints from people, but never in the first
five minutes on the job. He looked at me and started to laugh so loud.

I guess David Perez liked me, because at Christmas Time, he gave five bottles of expensive "Scotch" to his best Deputies. Out of
one hundred Deputies, some how I was in the top five. David went on to be a Superior Court Judge in Santa Monica, hearring
only Criminal Cases.

I transfered to The District Attorney's Office, because I wanted to try felony cases. The first case assigned to me was a "Beastyality" case.
The defendant was caught by two L.A.P.D. officers attempting to have sex with a "Chicken" in the back seat of his car. The Police arrested him, but the case couldn't be tried because ( This is true!) they couldn't find the chicken to complain against him. My first "Big" case was a murder case, where the
deceased had started a fight with a knife, lost the knife to the defendant, who stabbed him 16 times, even though the deceased was lying "face down"
on the ground. The defendent's beautiful, five year old daughter, with braces, was brought in the court by her mother, when argument started
to the Jury. I knew her being there would cause the Jury to acquit him. I didn't realize it before, but no D.A. wanted to try this "Dog" A name
given to loser cases for the D.A's.

After the Jury came back with a Guilty Verdict, the Judge, Leslie Light , said to me, "Weren't you a little overly dramatic with your argument?"
I said no and asked Judge Light, if he was ever in the Military? He said yes, the Marines and I said "it figures". He just smiled at me.

Judge Leslie Light was a truly the smartest Judge on the bench. He knew the Law, backward and forward. He was indeed the Greatest Criminal
Judge ever to sit, in The United States. When I was writting my list of guests at my wedding, I sent an invitation to Judge Light.
He saw me walking down the hall of The Criminal Court and said he recieved my invitation, but he makes a rule that he does not
mix business with pleasure. As my heart started to sink, he looked at me and said "In your case, Ill make an exception and will attend"

I started to write just a "Bissel" ( not the vacuum) A Bissel is Yiddish for "little.

Well I am still Marshall Bitkower and that's just a little history of Marshall Bitkower. God Bless

"THE 61st.EMMY(OR ENEMA)AWARDS.TELEVISION SHOW HAD AS MUCH SPARK AS 10 DAY OLD MANURE"

2009-09-20T23:57:00.000-07:00

LAST NIGHT'S EMMY (OR ENEMA SHOW) WAS THE WORST TELEVISION SHOW, SINCE DISCOVERING
PEE WEE HERMAN ONCE CHALLENGED "ANDRE THE GIANT' IN A FREE FIR ALL, ON ESPN.

The two accountants from Ernst & Young, had more life than Neil Patrick Harris. Good thing one sponsor,"Vaseline"
didn't segway back to our wittle Doogie. ( don't ask, don't tell) When NPH showed the Band and did his wittle banter
with them, we know why they should of been back in the"Pitts" I never noticed before but is NPH, an albino?

The new sets were truly an amazing sight. If one could imagine a mate-ing between an "overdose of LSD" coupled
with the lyrics to "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds" springled with a tinge of Windex and Ivory Flakes and the
mid-wife being Andy Warhol, these sets would be such an OFFSPRING. When the sets were lighted up, they
looked like a combination of an aquarium,a 4th. of July Show,a bad hair day at Phil Spector's House and a scene
from Andy Hardy attacks "Startreck" Don't forget a "Treckie sounds like a Dreckie"(If that needs some splaining,
you iz stupid)

The only thing that "Stood up", naturally was Alex Baldwin's Hair. In the Hollywood Reporter the various Talent Agencies,
listed their clients that were nominated. Why didn't the Beverly Hills Plasitic Surgeons, take out a similar advertisement?
I would of liked to of heard endorsements of the women and men, who thanked "ALLI" for their new slim look. I see the
camera tried to pan the audience, butt it seemed everyone was in the bathroom. No empty seats there.

The show dragged on more than a concert with George Michael and Adam Lambert. Chevy Chase looked like the grandfather
of the first "Griswald" Rob Lowe looked like he was "constipated" Beatrice Arthur, although deceased, had more sparkle, than
any of the "Reality" MC's. Now whoever decided to have a separate catagory for "Reality Television" must of been the same person
who bought the Chevrolet Corvair. (Need I say more?)

The show should of been sponsored by "Geritol" and Disney's "Prune Juice" ( those Disney guys are everywhere)
The only two personalities of the evening were Ricky Gervais, who igknighted the room with his wit and the Beautiful
and Talented Ms. Christin Chenowweth. Christin has what it takes to become a "STAR" She has the cutest voice since
Goldie Hawn, the smile to melt the icecaps and the charisma of as Ed Sullivan, used to call "AY REAl -LY BIG STAR"

If she was only 25yrs. older. Christin, is your mother single?

I am still Marshall Bitkower and hopefully who called this the "Prime Time Emmy's, will next year be "Doing Time"

"A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR" TO ALL MY JEWISH FRIENDS"

2009-09-19T15:26:00.000-07:00

THE JEWISH NEW YEAR IS A VERY SPECIAL FAMILY EVENT. I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS MARRIED, WE WOULD ALL RUSH
TO GET DRESSED AND OUT OF OUR ENCINO HOUSE TO DRIVE TO TEMPLE.

The women would all look at each other, to see what "Designer" went to Temple with them.
The prices for tickets was something you would win on "The California Lottery" the kids would
all dress up like their parents. I am not sure this was good or bad. The Parking Lot of the Temple, looked
like the Parking Lot at "Chasen's"

But whatever this looked like, once inside, we all felt a sense of belonging in the right place.
I do miss the feeling of being in the "right place" I do cherish those days in my life and i'm sure
those golden days of my life, will forever be in "My Book of Life."

Those days only come once in a lifetime. Anthony Newley was correct. I sincerely wish a "Happy New Year"
to Judge Irwin J. Nebron, who made this former Deputy District Attorney, feel good about being Jewish.

You see, if you were a Deputy City Atty., a Deputy District Attorney, a Public Defender or a Deputy County Counsel,
your Supervisor would ask you to bring a "blank check" and go to Div.18, to see "The Neeb", who's chambers were
filled with every candy known to mankind. The "Neeb" would ask us if we were Jewish, if we said yes, he would ask
us to take out a blank check and make it out for $50 and payable to" Justice Lodge", the legal branch of B'nai Brith.
a Jewish club.

Every year "Justice Lodge" would put on a Show, that Ed Sullivan, would of been proud to present.

I am still Marshall Bitkower and a proud member of "Justice Lodge", even though it does not exist today.
As Jackie Mason used to say "Who Knew?", well I did and I do miss it.

"LOOK WHO'S BACK" SMOKEY THE BEAR COMES OUT OF RETIREMENT!

2009-09-17T21:01:00.000-07:00

HORRAY FOR HOLLYWEIRD. THE LOS ANGELES BOARD OF SUPERVISORS HAS BAND "SMOKING IN PARKS"
They have named, former star, "Smokey The Bear" as the new Smoking Czar. "Smokey" had been retired and living
at" The Motion Picture Home for Former, Furry Stars." This is a golden opportunity for other residents to be back
in the "Public Eye" "My Friend Flicka" has been signed as technical advisor on the remake of "A Man Called Horse"

RIN TIN TIN has been appointed to command L.A.P.D's. Swat Teams. The Police Officer's will soon know that Rinty's Bark
is just as formidable as his "Bite" My friends Suzanne & Bernie Lax's Fluffable doggie, "Punky", who is actually an undercover
"Masued" ( little legal pun) agent, who will be joining the cast of "C.S.I.- Tel Aviv. The other stars are Ice-Berg ( former Isreali
Rap Star), Mel Gibson, oh yeah he was fired, Natalie Portman's second cousin, Farfull Moonves, Peter Falk and Paula Abdul as
"The Dradle"

Flash, Annjolie's" Pitt-Bull" was caught smoking marijuana and has been sent to rehab at the "Dog Whisperer's 12 step program"
Besides getting sober, they will cut his nails and give him a "flea" collar. Donating his diamond stud-ed collar to the people he
helped in New Orleans. The late Ray Charles's dog "What I Say" will be in charge of "The Coast Guard", at the Potomac River Location
Can you imagine when he barks, The Coast Guard's personal will yell out "What He Say?" The crews will have to take a course in how
train a dog to navigate. This is probably easier than teaching a sailor to "roll over and kvetch a ball"

I understand that Lassie will be assigned to associate producer on The Craig Ferguson Show. ( think about it, that's how they
got the name "Scotch Bright")

Neal Kirby will star in the remake of "The Invisable Dog" for Universal. "Flipper" will take the helm of our Navel Ships in Alaska.
Because of his political beliefs, he will "Flip Off", Sarah Pallin. "Baretta's Bird ", will also join in the flipping.
"Old Yeller" will oversee the United States Bureau Of Prisons and will find out if Bernie Made-off's nose is wet and cold.
I know Old Yeller will see if wittle Bernie's Tail has been tampered with ( no further comment is needed)

"King Kong" is still alive, only his stunt double died and he will join N.B.C., as a "Tour Guide". He will also work as the N.B.C. Tram.

"Trigger, The Cisco Kid's horse, Diablo, Mr. ED and "Fury" will be co-directors on the new the new TV Series, "Riding With The Stars"

I am still Marshall Bitkower and that's how I look at things. PS- Ellen DeGeneres loves her 39 year old "Porsche"

"KENYE WEST AND CHRIS BROWN SIGNED FOR REMAKE FOR A FIST FULL OF DOLLARS"

2009-09-15T20:11:00.000-07:00

HOLLYWEIRD HAS JUST ANNOUCED THE REMAKE OF "A FIST-FULL OF DOLLARS" STARRING CHRIS BROWN
AND THE HUMBLE KENYE WEST. BEE- ON CE-SAY will knot be part of the production. Mike Tyson has been hired as dick-tion coach.
The entire movie will be shot in "Wide Screen" to acommondate West's Big Mouth.

The entire production will be shot at The California Rehabition Center in Corchran, Calif. Charles Manson an imate there would
have final approval ( should be "removal") of the script. I also understand that Dr. Conrad Murray will also have "script" approval,
after all he may spend alot of "time" there. Here is a list of the Movie crew.

1.financial ass-istance provided by American Industrial Greed, inc. (AIG)
2. stunt drivers-Keifer Sutherland, Linsay Lowhands, Paris Hilton, Nicole Richee and the "IDIOT" from the Coast Guard.
3.jet planes, for flying sequences- General Motors, Ford Motors and Chrysler Corp.
4.animals services, Michael Vick
5.catering services, Dr. Arnold Klein
6.cos tombs, provided by Forrest Lawn of Beverly Hills.
7.hair styles by Whoopee Goldberg and Phil Spector
8.medical people, Dr. Kervoykian, Dr. Conrad Murray ( busy wittle Connie) and Dr. Strangelove
9.family life consultants, Jon and Kate Gosslein
10.birth control expert, Ms. Soleyman
11. dialogue director, Lou Ferrigno and "Slappsy"Max Rosenblum
12. accounting by former Orange County Sheriff Mike Corona
13.research by, Mata Hara & Tokyo Rose
14.ad placement, Rod Blogojevich
15.music provided by, Whitney Houston, who's new album is titled,"It"s Coke Time". Or was that Eddie Fisher
16. swords supplied by Walter Lantz ( think about it)
17. dances sequences by, that "Bruno" guy from "American Idle" and those "Waterworld" guys from "Guantonomo Bay.

My name is Marshall Bitkower and I knew the "Duck" from Groucho Mark's T.V. show, "You Bet Your Life"

"FAME IS FLEETING, (KNOT THE FLEET-ENEMA)"

2009-09-14T16:57:00.000-07:00

REMEMBER WHEN "MOVIE STARS" WERE WORSHIPPED AND" T.V. STARS" WERE ADORED? THESE CELEBRITIES
WERE LIKE OUR RELATIVES OR BETTER THAN RELATIVES.

When I was a young Deputy District Attorney, we would discuss on Monday's, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, which was
on Sat. night. We all knew the actor's real names and their the roles they played. We went to see a movie because John Wayne,
Marlon Brando ( not the Pillsbury Dough Boy Brando), John Travolta, Burt Reynolds, etc.,were in it.

We would sing "Those Were The Day's" when the "Meat-Head" was arguing with "RRRchee" We had crush's on Barbara Eden and her
lack of clothing. We couldn't wait till Elizabeth Mongomery twitched her nose and I would wish to "Twitch" her, everywhere. I remember
arranging a private screening at Warner Bros., for the first "Dirty Harry" movie, starring Clint Eastwood as a Homicide Detective. Since The
District Attorney's prosecuted murder cases, this movie was just up our alley. ( has anybody been "Up an alley?")

We were right there with" Columbo" and his raincoat ( no comment!) as he hounded the murdrer or murderee. I couldn't wait to see
"Marshal McCloud" ride his horse down Fifth Ave., in New York City. ( did I say New York City?) (Think about that phrase) Nor today could
we forget the eye's lighting up, the tilt of that head of that "Shayna Punim" Justice finder, "Judge Judy"

I loved the two "Transformer" movies, but what's a Shia LaBeof? That sounds more like a "shy guy who is nude"
The Television show," Fathers and Sons", is so confusing because I can't tell the fathers from the sons. The star's name,
"Calisa Flockhart" sounds like a bunch of flying birds trying to find"Calistoga Water" I don't know a "Camera Diaz from
a Jennifer Annis-sin or from a Due Berrymore. The latter sounds like a commercial from a cemetary. The last Bore-at movie
was just as funny as all the signs in West Hollywood, which state, "Parking In Rear"

I am very glad to see "Michael Myers" back in the "Holloween" movie franchise. Why doesn't the United States Military Community
send "Little Mikee" over to Afganistan, to eliminate the "Bad Guys?" We all know that "Sylvester Stallone" ( with that first name, you
got to be a "Great Fighter") and his "Rambo alter ego" would eliminate any conflicts and flatten the ememy's troops. It probably could
be done in about ninety minutes.

That's my opinion and I still am, Marshall Bitkower. I didn't vote for Nixon or that quick witted Bush-Wacker and I never will.

THE UNITED STATES COAST GUARD NEEDS "RIGHT GUARD" AND LEROY JETHRO GIBBS

2009-09-11T18:11:00.000-07:00

WALTER WINCHELL WOULD START HIS RADIO BROADCAST BY SAYING, "GOOD EVENING LADIES AND GENTLEMAN
AND ALL THE SHIPS AT SEA" Well today, a day that will live in infamy, The United States Coast Guard Vessels in the Potomac
River, should of been religated to Davy Jone's Locker. What ever IQ reject that planned a "Training Day" on 9/11, should be made
to wear "Training Bra's" for the reminder of his or her service time.

Today was a day to remember the Tragedy that fell on America on 9/11. Whoever created today's fiasco should be made to "walk the plank"
at the Tip of "Jack Spratt's Sword" I understand that the "Intelligent Community" ( a real Oxy-Moron) who are there supposed to share
"intelligence" don't like to share. Perhaps they should be sent back to kindagarten and learn the principle of sharring. Could it be that these
people who monitar the intelligence and safety of American's, got their education from a mail order catalog?

Is it possable that these Titon's of Sesame St., decided to add "non" in front of "sense?" When the names of these Mongoloids is revealed
they should be made to go hunting with "Dick" Cheney, for ninety days.

This week was full of "Ninkapoops" First we had Congressman Joe Wilson and his big fat fart mouth, who said "What A Lie" during The
President's Speech. That mouth should be sanatized and hung in Miss Kitty's Saloon ( if you do not remember Ms. Kitty, then ask someone)

Calif. Rep. Mike Duvall, the recipient of a "family and ethics award",who thought he was a "Hot Mike" was caught talking on a " Hot Mike-Raphone"
about a two female conquests and what he did with them. His modis operandi was spanking their young wittle tushies.
When confronted or conbackin, ( Think about it), "HOT MIKE" Said he was only joking. He ended his remarks by saying "Spank You"

But inspite of these two "Twerps" The head "SCHMUCK" or "SCHMUCKTRESS" of The Coast Guard, who was in command of this action
should be left to Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs of N.C.I.S, for investigation. When they are caught, Gibbs should slap them on their heads
with a 4x4, instead of his hands. Furthermore they should covered from head to toe in honey and put in solidary confinement, along with
a swarm of bees and hornets.

I still am Marshall Bitkower and that is my opinion. I also understand that once these varmits are released, they will join Saturday Night Live.

THE "UNSUNG HEROES OF MEMORIAL DAY

2009-09-06T14:37:00.000-07:00

EVERY MEMORIAL DAY WE REFLECT ON AMERICA'S HEROES. But what about the "Unsung Heroes" we never hear about?

My Grandmother Goldie,from Russia, had 14 children, only 9 survived. My Grandmother Frieda,from Poland,
also had 14 children and 9 survived. Both of my grandparents came to The United States, worked hard, only spoke
Yiddish, but they managed to feed, clothed and had a roof over their heads, without any Govermental help.
How did they do it, I don't know, unless working eighteen hours a day, without a phone, a car, a television, a refrigerator,
or shopping at Gelson's.

My dear friend, George, picked a "how to book" on computers and soon sold a "Program" to The United States Navy.
Not bad for a kid from East Los Angeles. George, now is a well respected business man and nobody handed him
a "silver" plate.

Irving Berlin was an immigrant, who spoke no English, when he arrived and saw the Statue Of Liberty.
He went on to write the songs that will forever remain in our Hearts and Soul. Mr. Berlin wrote "God Bless America"
and donated all royalties to The Boy Scouts Of America. Which one of our Rock Bands, Super Star actors, singers,and Computer Mavens
has donated any one of their "Mega Bucks" royalties to any institutions for the betterment of mankind?

These Giants of survival should be an insperation to all Americans. This is only a few of the"Unsung Heroes", who indeed
are "MEMORIAL"

I wish you and yours a Happy Memorial Day. My name is Marshall Bitkower and as Mr. Rolex once said "Only Time Will Tell.
And "Good Night" Mrs. Calabash", wherever you are.

ALL "STARS" ARE NOT "SHOOTING STARS"

2009-09-05T19:31:00.000-07:00

I AM GETTING TIRED OF READING ABOUT STARS THAT ARE "DOPES". WHAT HAPPENED TO STARS
WHO ARE KNOWN FOR THEIR BODY'S ( NEW BODY'S,MOSTLY) OF WORK?

Where are the "Ozzie ( was he from the "Emerald City?) and Harriet's of today? Could it be that Ozzie's past has finally
been revealed? I remember Ozzie never worked. He spent alot of time with "Thorney". You know if you take away his first letter(T),
his name would of been "Horney". both Ozzie and Mr. "T" would spend alot of time at a "Malt Shop" When was the last time two "Buds"
would spend time at a "Malt Shop?" Was it because High School Adonis's would also spend time there? We never saw "Thorney's wife.
Was it because he did not have a wife? The series character,"Doc" would meet these two, also at the Malt Shop. What was "DOC" a Doc of?

The three bro's of "Bonanza" bunked together. We never saw what kind of "Bunk's" they slept in. Did you ever wonder why one brother
was nick named "Little Joe" What the hell is a "Hoss" That was one brother's name. I don't remember the name of Pernel Roberts character.
I only know he thought the part he played was beneath him ( anything else underneath him?) Pernel ( what the hell is a "Pernel?) Isn't that
the charge you get from a manicurest? When he left the" Ponderossa", he was replaced by an actor who was named "Canary". Need I say more?

The father of these boys, was played by Lorne Green. With his great baritone voice, we knew he was all man.

The "Brady Bunch" had a secret. The father was played by a known homosexual actor. Perhaps he should of played Mrs. Brady.
Who did this remarkable casting, Vincent Price? Yes the famous whorer movie star. He starred in "The House Of Wax" maybe
it should of been called "The House Of Waxing" Now you know why it was "shot" in 3D. Things "POPPED OUT" in 3D.

The Disney Series, The Hard-ee boys, starred one actor who became a "Drag Queen" I won't mention his name, butt he was related
to Captain Kirk. This "Kirk" was straight, butt not the "Hard-ee Boy " Kirk.

Lassie was one of my favorite stars. Did you know that" Lassie" was really a "male" dog, who played the part of the "Bitch" on his/her show.
Lassie probably was the first Television Star, who went into "Theraphy" Wouldn't you, if you were a man acting like a woman?

OK, that's my opinion of Television History, as they say "Hollywood Is Where Stars Are "Made" I'm still Marshall Bitkower and if
there was an "Aunt Jamima" was there "An Uncle Jimima?"

FOPA IN PREVIOUS BLOG, I SCREWEDUP. YES ME!

2009-09-04T19:56:00.000-07:00

THE TIDBIT about "Buster Brown" should of ended, after animal rights-junkie would pickett his house.

I am as always, Marshall Bitkower and those who are without mistakes are nobodies in the real world.

REMEMBER DINAH SHORE,HOPPALONG CASSIDY AND CHICITA BANANA?

2009-09-04T19:42:00.000-07:00

"WHERE HAVE ALL THE FLOWERS GONE?" When i was eight years old, i could walk one mile to a movie theatre and not
worry someone would a-costing me, hurt me or be involved in a drive by shooting. it was a simple way of life and my parents didn't
take a "handful of pills" to get through the day. The only "drive by" we had was the "HELM"S BAKERY MAN", throughing cookies
at us, not 38 calibar bullets or Molitoff cocktails. The only coctails I remember were "Prune Juice Cocktails" which resulted in running
a mile in 3seconds to get to the bathroom.

My parents would watch DINAH SHORE, who would sing "See The USA In your CHEVROLET". She would then throw a kiss.
When was the last time anyone sang about a car? We only hear "Come Fly With ME", by the GREEDY X-ecutives who get into
their "Lear Jets" and go to our Government and beg for "Bail Out" money. What these "poor me" guys should of done was to
"Bail Out" of their Jets, without a "Golden Parachute" That would take them to"ground zero"

People would sing about their "Merry Oldsmobile" and their girlfriend, Lucille. The only thing "Merry" today, are the men who
go through the woods in tights and feathers in their hats. that follow a guy named "Robin Hood" The only "Hood" we have today
is the "Interment" camps in South Los Angeles.

Remember the song, "It's delightful, It's delicious, It's DE SOTO?" We are a nation who were proud of our automomiles, now we seem
ashamed to buy anything made in America. Remember Milton Berle's Texaco Singing Men, who came out and sang a song, as they filled
your gas tank and wiped your windows? Today if someone did that, we would have them arrested and held 72hrs., for a Psyc. examination.

Hoppalong Cassidy would save the "school marm"(whatever that was) and put the "bad guys or varmits" into a jail, without some one
yelling about whether or not they had a right to remain silent. I remember when "Buster Brown" had a dog in his shoe and no "animal rights"

The slogan "Nobody Doesn't Like Sarah Lee" was a falsity, "Arteries" don't like Sarah Lee, nor do Cardiologists.
People would hear "Get DR. Ross Dogfood, do your self a favor" Shouldn't the favor be for your cute,little dog, not your self?

The "Mitchum Deodorant", had a man in a bed, who would say, "I didn't use Mitchum today and I may not tomorrow"
Ever notice no one was in the bed with him, when he said that" He probably stayed in bed for two days, while he watched "Law & Odor"

Ever notice that "Chichita Banana" who had a great singing and dancing career, is no longer on t.v.?
The networks probably think she is too old, to attract the proper demographics of the 18-24 audience.

Where is Roy Rogers Happy Trails today? Is it only when there are five years in the can of your t.v. series
that you can have "Happy Trails?"

I am still Marshall Bitkower, former Deputy District Attorney, Los Angeles County, former Deputy City Attorney,City of Los Angeles,
Criminal Division and X-Husband, World Wide.

junkie would pickett his house.

""

"MOYLE HEIGHTS" OR "BOIL HEIGHT" AS IT ONCE WAS CALLED.

2009-09-01T21:13:00.000-07:00

We all have heard of "Boyle Heights" in East Los Angeles, but the first name to that area was "Moyle Hts." or as some people called it
"Boiled Hts" This area was first established by the immigration of Jewish people, who came here from Russia, Poland and Germany.
This was because of the Anti Semitism in Europe fueled by that "Little Nebush" Toush-Hole", who called himself, The Charley Chaplin
look a like. Charley Chaplin was a "Genius", Hitler had no genes, since he was born under a rock, left by a herd of cow dung.

You might ask what does "Moyle Hts. mean? A Moyle is the person who preforms a "circomesion" on an infant's penus ( or a "wee-wee"),
usually a boy ( or also called a "boychick", but not on a boy who thinks he is chick. Those are called "faggula's") and are derived from great
musical composers like Who Did They Find On Franz list? A Moyle has no Medical Training, but has served as a student at the Benny Hana
Academy of slice or dice. In the 30's and 40's, there were Moyle Stands on every corner in this area. Some even had a two for one coupon,
which were donated by the Gelson Brothers. Some even had discounts if their "Equipment" was not sharpened ( ouch! ouch! ouch!)

You may not know this historic fact, but The Pep Boys, Manny,Moe and Jack invented the first traveling Moyle Mobile.
Many Up and Comers in Show Business were "IM-Moyleized" from this East Los Angeles community. Their were "Designer Moyles"
who did special cuts. They had different styles such as "The Lew Wasserman Cut. At the "End of this design, boys would grow up, wear black suits
and "Errect" tall buildings in Universal City. Many Beverly Hills Plastic Surgeons got their start by being a "Moyle" The famous hair product
"BrillCream got their signature slogan, "A little dab" from Moyle Hts.

The second name for this community was called "Boiled Heights" This is because anything they ate had to be Boiled.
My Grandma, Goldie Shapiro, from Minsk, would not eat anything until it was boiled. Do you know how boiled Matza tastes?
You should be glad if you don't. The chicken had to have all parts of it boiled, except the "Toush", of course. The feet of the chicken,
not Foster Farms, would be boiled. Did you ever see boiled chicken feet? The ends would be yellow in color. Kinda like a banana with
finger nails. From a cow, she would boil a lung. Did you ever look at a lung that had been boiled? It looks like a football with a glandular
problem. Personally I prefer lung when it has been fried or bbq'ed.

My grandmother even boiled Jello. We called it "Hell-o". Chicken fat would be boiled and then placed outdoors in the sun
till it became dark and hard. That's how the first suntan lotion was created. Their were great singers in Temples or Schuls,
as they were called, which gave birth to the Greatest Deli in the world. They formed a partnership and opened "CANTORS"
Think about it.

So now you know a little of Jewish History of life, as it was like in the days of my four fathers. My mother married many times.

My name is Marshall Bitkower, a proud member of the "Bris Bragade" ( for those of you who have not touched this subject before,
a Bris is when they " Wack off " the end of a boy's penus) and have all yout relatives and friends watch the ceremony.

.

THE "COCKTAIL" IS A NEW RESTAURANT, NOT A TOM CRUISE MOVIE

2009-08-30T20:45:00.000-07:00

This week, the new restaurant, "Cocktail" opened in "Tinsel Town"
It is owned,"operated" and managed by the "Michael Jackson Alumni Of DOCTORS ASS-OCIAN"
The " Mend You" includes a variety of colorful assorted "triple script" ingreed eints from different states.

The process of addatives was derived from a "Combination" of the PDR and the various "Donald Ducks" (QUACKS) who
have a Medical License or as James Bond would say, A License To Kill" Each "special multi colored little spices" would
add many different flavors to the "mix" and would be introduced at the favorite watering hole, "The IVY" of Hollywood Stars.

You know the famous stars who frequent this site. Such well known "Cell-a-brits as "Pluto" people from Mars" the Proctologists
from "Ur-anus", the men from "Saturn"( not car dealers) and well known "Shooting Stars"

The Mend YOU

1. The "Mickey"Fine, the television show "Alias" was "Shot here" I understand that the people behind " Entourage" also
had arrangements to come here. Some were so stupid, that they were nicknamed the "Dopes"

2. The " Arnold Klein", a dish which would have at least five different names. Each would be surrounded by different charts,
even if the dish had different names,it would be the same resulting item. Wait till "Chef Boyordee" finds out about this.

3.The "Bloody Merry" Can you "Dig It?"

4. The "Shirley Temple" no alchohol, but secret ingreed eints created by Chef Glasscom and Welcome"

5. The "Ivy Leaguer" After it's installed, you let it sit for up to three hours. This gives you time to use your cell phone,
tell people to move items from storage areas, "cook up" an overly extended CPR and hire a "Lighting Director" for your
appearence on a "You Tube" Promo for the new edition of "To Tell The Truth" Now you know why it's called "The Boob Tube"

I could "Tale" you more, but we have time, after all they got "Three to Life" to finish their "Script"

My name is Marshall Bitkower and that's my problem, knot yours.

"CONRAT MURRAY'S NO HILTON,MORE LIKE A "PILLTON"

2009-08-24T20:37:00.000-07:00

Finally after waitting more time then flying to ARGENTINA and returning to your wife and four children, The Los ANGELES
Coroner has determined that Michael Jackson's death was a "Homicide" (not like "Humaside" which is eating too much 'HUMAS')

WOWY WOW WOW, what a surprise. I have not been so startled since Sarah Palin admitted that she lost her birth-control
pills when" Miami Vice" was cancelled and believing that "Withdrawing" was something Pain-ters do.

There is now Medical and Scientific Evidence that our cuddlely "Connie" was injecting Michael Jackson with drugs that he
had got from everybody who wanted Michael to finally get a "GOOD KNIGHT'S SLEEP" Too bad it was the sleep of his lifetime"

When I was going to Law School, we were taught the "Shot Gun" method of dealing with a problem. This is where you throw in every
issue you can think of. Here our "cute widdle chef" Conrad did the same thing. The problem was he thought he was cooking
at the "IVY". (Think about it)

Michael had so many sedatives in him that he could litterally "Sleep With The Fish's"

I am sure that Hollywood would soon be knocking on Murray's door. The problem would be that 'Conrat' could not open the door,
since it would be locked. The William Morris End-dever Agency would ,I am sure, sign him up.

They will remake "The Birdman Of Alkatraz" starring Murray and Al Pacino, as the "BIRD"
They next will re-do 'DR. DO-LITTLE', with Murray and DR Kervorkian.
Finally they will "Shoot","The Pilledelphia Story" Maybe even an Acadamy Award for his stirring " PERFORMANCE"
in the new version of "The Story of the PDR"

Well that's my opinion and I am MARSHALL BITKOWER

" MY BLOG-MITZFA AWARDS" ( 2 ),BET YOU COULDN'T WAIT

2009-08-22T12:50:00.000-07:00

Hear Yee,Hear Yee,whatever that means, it's that tyme again that all you men,women,
undecided,boys,girls,Space Cadets and fans of re-runs of Cecil and Beanie, have been
waitting for ( not to be confused with "waitting on tables")

Now isn't that a stupid thing to say? You could wait for cab, your next conquest,your cup
of coffee, but how in "The Hell", do you wait on a table? Do tables wait for you? Does to
wait on a table, must you standon top of it?

Now it's time for "MY BLOG-MITZA AWARDS TWO.

1st Award to "The Burial Dates For Michael Jackson" Did the Jackson Family use
William Shatner to plan the funeral? Since it has been changed 3x's, did Captain Kirk
charge for rebooking? Will AEG video each cancellation of Burial Dates? Yes this "hole"
thing is my No 1 "Pick", although it sounds more like No. 2

2nd Award goes to Mr. Tom Ridge, the former Secratary of Homeland Security.
Tom has stated that the Intelligence Community of the Bush Administration had a close
link with Politics. This was in spite of the fact that President BUSH has said that his Politics
had "nothing to do with intelligence" Mr. Ridge has said there was a Politcization under
President Bush. I didn't think there was anything under his Bush.

3rd. Award goes to Ms. Lisa Bloom, for being the only "Show Biz Maven" that has both
Intelligence, Beauty,Charm and a Law Degree. Her mom must be very proud of her daughter. I've always thought Gloria Allright is a Terrific Warrior for the "Underdog"

4th and final "BLOG MITZFA" AWARD goes to everybody's "Sunny Boy", George Hamilton.
A new film "My One and Only" has just previewed, based upon George's relationship with
his mother. It's kinda like "Auntie Mame and her Golden Boy" George Hamilton might be
compared to Ed Sullivan in as much as you don't know what he does, but he's very suck sessfull
at what he does. The difference is that Ed Sullivan was a great newspaper man and he became an American Statesman. George Hamilton dated "Linda Bird Johnson" No further comment.

I know this is a short list, but next week's winners have just commenced their understanding that "General Franco" is still dead along with the "Land Shark" thank you "Lorne Michaels"
No Not Guy from "BONANZA"

That is my opinion, I"m MARSHALL BITKOWER AND YOU'RE KNOT.

DR. MURRAY AIN'T NO "MARCUS WELBY",MORE LIKE "UN-WELLBY"

2009-08-19T15:32:00.000-07:00

Did any one catch Dr.Conrad Murray(now that's funny)on YOU TUBE? It looked like a
screen test from the Jim Carey movie, "Liar,Liar" Could Murray become the star of the
sequel "Liar,Liar,Murray's pants are on fire" I was Asstonished by the beautiful way
the DOC-U -DRAMA was presented. How could anyone think that this soft spoken
person, who made no comments about the loss of the ICONIC MICHAEL JACKSON,
nor the loss to his beloved family, could of ever done such a shameful act.

I wonder where this beautiful video was filmed? Since law enforcement nor the media
has any idea where "Connie" has secluded himself. It could be that he is hiding with
"Oh Sadem Been Louden" and they are busy reHearse-ing for a new song & dance duo.

Perhaps they could audition for "DANCING WITH THE SCARS" OR "EXTREME MADE-OVERS"

If they wanted to become a trio, maybe they should add CHARLES MANSON to their tour,
after all Manson is a real cut-up!

I hope "CONNIE MURRAY", does not believe I am needling him, after all he was doing
the "NEEDLE_ING". Perhaps this doc-tured mess could all be a resonable mistake.Maybe
Murray was in a hurray and thought "IV" was the Roman number four. Perhaps his traveling
medicine show listed various drugs with Roman numbers. Such examples could of been marked, as 1 demeral 11 zan-x 111 oxy-moran 1v proper-caine,etc.

Perhaps Hollywood will be calling. Imagine "The Terminator meets Dr. Exterminator"
"Conrad meets Jayson" or the tragic events in "PANIC IN NEEDLE PARK"

I am MARSHALL BITKOWER and this is my opinion.

ASHLEY MADISON IS NO DOLLY MADISON

2009-08-16T17:24:00.000-07:00

DOOLY MADISON was the First Lady(or maybe not)of President JAMES MADISON. In later years she was
famous for making cupcakes. Now her cousin,Asshley Madison,is also offering "cupcakes" and Dough Boys to
those who are in a relationship(married or involved) By entering into a new relaysionship,that is when your "cup" or your inners
are only half filled and you want to " thrust"yourselves into something new.Like a side dish, to your usual platter,then you are
a candidate for joining ASSHLEY MADISON.

I think this is a great idea, you could have your "cake" and eat it without remorse and constant" dickering" back& forth.

Think of the fabulous "off-spring" that could evolve from this" ground skaking" end-ever.

ASSHLEY MADISON'S DOUBLE-ENTANTREES, for those who want to"Double Down"

ASSHLEY'S MADISON'S MEN'S GUIDE,for those who want to "get a head",in their chosen course"

A.M.'S WOMEN'S TOWELL USE, FOR "SLIPPERY SLOPES" THE LOVER'S HAND-BOOK, for explosions & implosions.

And my favorite Asshley Madisons allman-act, for Miss(or Mr,)informing your spouse, that you needed time alone
for sorting out your "affairs"

My name is MARSHALL BITKOWER, and that is my opinion of that old saying,"those who don't lay together,usually stray two gether"

SQUEAKY"S OUT AND BERNIE MADE-OFF IS IN!

2009-08-14T19:29:00.000-07:00

Well that little imp & millitary Ms.Nomer Sqeeky Frome(rhymes with throme) is released from prison.
Squeaky is that little vamp that attempted to shoot President Gerald Ford. It seems their was nothing in
her gun's chamber. Why not? There was nothing in Ford's chamber,either.

NOW THE "REALLY,REALLY BIG NEWS. BERNARD MADE-OFF IS IN THE FEDERAL POKEY.

Yes our own little wascal, Bernard Made-off, is now behind bars, in North Carolina. Mr.Allen Ellis, the Federal Sentencing Attorney
has placed our little Bernie in, what Ellis says "is the Crown Jewell of the Federal Prisons. Well "Golly Gee", the Crown Jewell, our
little Pension Thief & Destroyer of the Elderly's savings, certainly must of pulled some strings(purse strings) to land in a Five Star Resort
Prison. Mr. Ellis also said this haven for white collar criminals(WCC) looks and feels like a "college campus"

The actual name of this "Plantation for Gonnifs" is called "Butner Federal Prison"( or BFP) It is also called"The Mint Jullop Joint"

When our little Bernie went to this vacation home, he had 35watch's. Now instead of watching time, he's doing it.
I also understand Bernie's wittle boat, the 70ft. yacht, named "The Bull"( which is only half the name) will be auctioned
off by the Federal Govt. The estimated value is 2.2million. I have a great idea, why can't we use it as a Floating Prison?
With all the WCC's to soon be entering like resorts in the Federal Club System(FCS) the oncoming "Guestioners"(Guest/prisoners)
could bounty up some of their rightfully-gained income and antie up $150,000 per year, plus the costs of delivery for all meals from
Morton's,Spago,Lawry's,Maestro's Steak House or Jerry's deli's, and a 25% service charge for the Cullinary Air Pilots and The Flying Chefs Inc

This would be an escape proof prison. This is because where are they going to escape to? All left overs would be throne overboat. This would assure
that the Sharks(not Lawyers) who follow, would always be around.

There could be classes taught the "Guestioners". The classes could be "Monopoly Advance", "Keno for Insuance Fraud", "Dialing For Counterfeit Dollars"
Shuttlecock For Begginers( no comment), "Put the Tail on The Snitch"s" and the all time Fun Time Champion of the "Royal Seas", "DOUBLE JEOPARDY"

THE FASHION NEWS FOR TODAY AND WHAT'S HAPPENING IS-------------------Bernie Madeoff wore a "blue jump suit" today in The Prison Patio,
I believe it is called "The Hillary!"

That's the NEWS as I Percieve it and That's My Opinion, Yours Truly, MARSHALL BITKOWER

MY BLOG-MITZFA AWARDS

2009-08-13T18:14:00.001-07:00

LADIES,GENTLEMEN,BOYS,GIRLS AND THE UNDECIDED. IT IS MY HONOR & PRIVILEGE TO PRESENT
MY FIRST BLOG-MITZFA AWARDS, TO THOSE THAT THINK THEY HAVE SOMETHING OF VALUE. OR THINK
THAT THEY HAVE SOMEHOW ADDED THEIR PRECIOUS 2SENSE (OR NON-SENSE) TO THE DELIGHT OF
THE HUMAN RACE.

1st AWARD WINNER--TO DOMINIC BARBER,ESQ., FOR HIS BELIEF THAT MRS. SCHULER WAS KILLED BECAUSE
EVERYBODY ON THE FREEWAY WAS DRIVING THE WRONG DIRECTION.

2nd AWARD WINNER--TO THE SEPARATED GOSSELIN SPOUSES, FOR SHOWING HOW TWO BLAND AND FLATLINED
PERSONALITIES, WITHOUT GQ OR VANITY FAIR'S HELP, CAN HAVE CHILDREN WHEN THEIR PARENTS DIDN'T.

3rd AWARD WINNER--TO OUR FAVORITE TRAVELOR,HILLARY CLINTON,FOR TAKING OFF THOSE LOVELY EARPLUGS
AND ATTEMPTING, IN HER POWDER BLUE "SHMATTA" THAT SHE GOT ON LINE FROM PEE WEE HERMAN'S HOUSE
OF COUTURE, TO TRY AND GETOFF HER CHAIR. DOES HILLARY HAVE ANY HANDLERS? OR HAVE THEY ALL LEFT TO
JOIN THE THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE BECOME MICHAEL JACKSON'S SPERM DONORS?

4th AWARD WINNER--TO JANE-VELLEZ MITCHELL, WHO I HIGHLY RESPECT AND ADMIRE, FOR BEING ON
CNN AND HLN AT THE SAME TIME. AS AN ATTORNEY, I COULD NEVER BE IN TWO COURTROMS AT THE SAME TIME,
BUT SOMEHOW THIS LOVELY AND TALENTED LAWYER, JANE VELLEZ-MITCHELL, HAS SHOWN WHAT A BRILLIANT
ARTIST SHE IS.

WELL THAT'S ABOUT ALL I HAVE TIME TO SAY TODAY. FOR YOU WHO DID NOT "WYNN" THE "BLOG-MITZFA"
AWARD TODAY, KEEP OPENING YOUR MOUTHS, YOU MAY BE NEXT. MARSHALL BITKOWER

MY BLOG-MITZFA AWARDS

2009-08-13T18:14:00.000-07:00

PAULA ABDUL HIRES BILL CLINTON TO NEGOIATE

2009-08-12T15:11:00.000-07:00

FLASH! FLASH! FLASH! PAULA ABDUL HAS HIRED BILL CLINTON TO NEGOIATE HER
PAY HIKE WITH AMERICAN IDOL PRODUCERS. BILL HAS SAID HE WENT TO NORTH
KOREA AS A DRESS REHEARSAL( GET THE HINT HILLARY?) AND NOW ALL HIS CHARM,
WIT AND PRODDING, WILL BE AIMED AT THE TIGHT-ASSES WHO CONTROL THIS
FUTURE LIFELESS SHOW, AS IT WILL BECOME IF "AMERICA'S SWEERHEART " OF THE
AIRWAVES DOES NOT RETURN TO HER RIGHTFUL THRONE AS MAKING "SIMON "LAGREE" COW-ELL LOOK MORE PERPLEXED THAN HE USUALLY LOOKS.

PAULA HAS SCORED A COO IN HAVING BILL CLINTON, A MAN WHO GETS HIS AFFAIRS
IN ORDER, TO TACKLE MR."MUNDANE"OF THE V-NECK,PEEK A BOO, NAVEL T-SHIRT.

SINCE MR.SOUR-DOUGH COWELL IS TO GET 45MILLION PER YEAR AND THE MULTI
TALENTED SHOWMAN,RYAN SEACREST IS TO GET 15MILLION PER YEAR, IT SEEMS
LOGICAL AND REASONABLE FOR PAULA TO RECIEVE WHAT THE "BIG BOYS"RECIEVE.
AFTER ALL ,WE ALL TUNE IN TO SEE/HEAR WHAT PAULA WILL DO NEXT.

I KNOW HOW KEEN BILL CLINTON IS IN HANDLING WOMEN. IN PAULA'S CASE,
SHE SHOULD BE PAID SOMEWHERE BETWEEN WHAT SIMON AND RYAN GET PAID.

WE KNOW THAT BILL CLINTON HAS A MAGIC WAND. SO IT'S NOW, GO BILL GO.
AMERICA IS COUNTING ON YOU.

THIS IS MY OPINION ON WHAT PAULA SHOULD GET. AMERICAN'S UNITE OR NO
"AMERICAN IDOL"TONIGHT. HAVE A PLEASANT DAY.

MARSHALL BITKOWER

OK "HILLARY" PUT AWAY YOUR "ARTILLARY"

2009-08-10T16:36:00.000-07:00

DID MOUNT :HILLARY"EXPLODE TODAY? IT SEEMS OUR SECTRETARY OF STATE
AND MS. PANT-SUIT OF 1967, WAS SHAKEN, NOT STIRRED, BECAUSE HER HUSBAND,
CERTAINLY NOT HER SIGNIFICANT OTHER, HAS THE SPOTLIGHT ON HIM.

COME ON NOW HILLARY, SO WHAT IF YOUR BILL(BILL OF RIGHTS OR BILL OF WRONGS?") HAS SHOWN THE WORLD WHAT A GREAT STATESMAN HE TRULY IS.
EVEN HIS "PANTS-SUIT" IS NEAT AND UP TO DATE. HIS COLORS ARE CLASSY,
NOT CRASSY.

BY THE WAY MS.VOLCANO, THE JET PLANE USED BY PRESIDENT CLINTON, WAS
DONATED BY MR. STEVEN BING. MR. BING, A VERY WEALTHY MAN AND SEED DONER,
IS WELL USED TO THE SPOTLIGHT ON HIM AND HIS EXPLOITS WITH THE LADIES.

I FIND IT QUITE AMUSING THAT THE FRIENLY SKIES CAN NOW PROCLAIM,
THAT THE "BILL/BING" DIPLOMATIC AIRLINES ARE IN FULL "SWING"

OK HILLARY, I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE "THE FLYING PANT-SUIT AIRLINES"

THAT'S MY LOOK AT THE NEWS, MY BEST, MARSHALL

DOESN'T"SOTOMAYOR"SOUND LIKE 'GOLDAMEIR?"

2009-08-09T16:46:00.000-07:00

IT WOULD SEEM TO ME THAT OUR NEW UNITED STATES ASSOCIATE JUSTICE,
SONIA SOTOMAYOR, SOUNDS ALOT LIKE "GOLDA MEIR", THE FIRST PRIME
MINISTER OF ISREAL.( ALSO A WOMEN)

BOTH OF THESE STRONG WOMEN CAME FROM MEAGER BACKGROUNDS. BOTH OF THESE WOMEN HAVE THEIR OWN APPROACH AND QUIRKYNESS TOWARDS THEIR DECISIONS. THAT, IN NO WAY, HAS INTERFEARED WITH WHAT THEIR LESSONS
IN LIFE HAVE TAUGHT THEM. SO WHAT IF SONIA SOTOMAYOR IS THE FIRST HISPANIC ON THE UNITED STATES SURPREME COURT. IT IS NOT WHAT SHE IS THAT COUNTS, IT'S WHO SHE IS THAT COUNTS. SURE SONIA SPEAKS HER MIND, ISN'T THAT A FREEDOM GIVEN US IN AMERICA?

IT'S ABOUT TIME THAT THE U.S.S.C. HAD A LITTLE"HOT SAUCE" IN IT. ALL WE'VE HAD IS "BLAND CAFETERIA FOOD" WHEN RUTH BADER GINSBERG WAS APPOINTED TO THE UNITED STATES SURPREME COURT, I WAS HOPING FOR A LITTLE "CHICKEN SOUP" APPROACH TO INTERPRETING THE CONSTITION. AFTER ALL, IT COULDN'T HURT! I WILL NOT MENTION CLARENCE THOMAS, BECAUSE I'M NOT SURE HE WOULD KNOW A TAMALE FROM A "KINNISH"

LET'S GIVE SONIA A ROUSING HAND AND LIKE GOLDA MEIR ONCE SAID"WE NOW HAVE ENOUGH, SO LET'S NOT COMPLAIN OF WHAT WE DON'T HAVE"

I AM MARSHALL BITKOWER AND THAT'S MY OPINION

HEY! HEY! PAULA OR HAS "AMERICAN IDOL BECOME "AMERICAN IDIOT?

2009-08-06T16:52:00.000-07:00

HAY! HAY!PAULA, YOUR PERSONA HAS MADE "AMERICAN IDOL" A WORLD POWERHOUSE. YOUR "SHTICK'S" ARE AS MEMORIAL AS GRAUCHO MARX
WAS TO THE "MARX BROS." DO THE PRODUCERS(SIMON COWELL) EXPECT
YOU TO "COWELL" DOWN TO THEIR PETTY MONEY OFFERS?

THE MILLIONS OF VIEWERS TURN INTO THIS SHOW TO SEE THE THE "ANTICS"
OF PAULA. THEY DO NOT WATCH THE SHOW TO SEE RYAN SEACREST'S SPARKLY'
PERSONALITY OR "SIMON CRUEL"S LATEST T-SHIRT. RANDY IS DANDY, KARA
A NICE PERSON,BUT HAS NO PIZZAZZZZ. SIMON ALWAYS CONDUCTS HIMSELF
AS HE HAS CHRONIC CONSTIPATION!! SO WHAT MAKES THIS SHOW A CUT ABOVE
THE AVERAGE TALENT SHOW? IT IS PAULA,PAULA,PAULA.

AFTER THE SHOW IS OVER, WHAT DO WE( THE MILLIONS WHO PUT MILLIONS
INTO SIMON LAGREE'S TIGHT V-NECK T-SHIRTS) TALK ABOUT? WE TALK ABOUT
WHAT PAULA SAID OR SHE WHAT SHE ATTEMPTED TO SAY.

I PREDICT THAT WITHOUT PAULA ON "AMERICAN IDOL" THE SHOW WILL BECOME
THE "TITANIC" OF FOX T.V. AND WE ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO THE "TITANIC"

IF THE MAGIC AURA OF RYAN SEACREST CAN GET $45M FOR HIS NEW THREE YR. CONTRACT, PAULA SHOULD GET THE SAME. AFTER ALL, DO WE THINK AFTER THE
SHOW ABOUT RYAN'S NEW HAIRDO, OR DO WE THINK ABOUT "WHAT DID PAULA SAY
OR WHAT WAS PAULA TRYING TO SAY?"

YOU BE THE JUDGES OF "AMERICAN IDOL" WITH PAULA IT'S THUMBS UP
WITHOUT PAULA IT'S THUMBS DOWN. REMEMBER SIMON CRUEL, IS IT WISE
TO BE PENNEY WISE OR POUND FOOLISH?

THIS IS ONLY MY OPINION, BUT I USED TO WATCH "AMERICAN IDOL"

I REST MY CASE. MARSHALL

WHERE THERE IS A "BILL"THERE IS A WAY

2009-08-05T14:48:00.000-07:00

GOOD DAY LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. I SAY IT'S A GOOD DAY BECAUSE BILL CLINTON, ONCE AGAIN,

HAS SHOWN THE WORLD WHAT A GREAT ASSET BILL CLINTON IS TO HUMANITY. YOU MIGHT EVEN SAY

WHAT A PEACE OF ASS-ET HE TRULY IS. BILL CLINTON HAS DONE WHAT JAMES BOND COULDN'T DO.
REMEMBER WHEN JAMES BOND( PIERCE BROSNAN) HAD TO BREAK OUT OF NORTH KOREA AND TAKE
ONE THERE OWN MILITARY PLANES?

WELL BILL CLINTON JUST FLEW IN, GOT THE GIRLS,( SO WHAT ELSE DID YOU EXPECT?) AND FLEW
BACK TO THE TINSEL TOWN AIRPORT. THE AIRPORT IS IN BURBANK, CAL. YES, BEAUTIFUL DOWNTOWN BURBANK.

BURBANK IS THE HOME OF DISNEY,NBC,WARNER BROS.,ETC. I COULD JUST 4SEE A NEW REALITY T.V. SHOW
"BILL CLINTON, THE REAL AMERICAN IDOL" THINK OF THE OTHER T.V. SHOWS HE WOULD "SPAWN"

1. BILL CLINTON'S WOMEN WRESTLING CLUB.
2. BILL CLINTON'S BABYLON IN DC.
3. BILL CLINTON'S STAIN REMOVING INFOMERCIAL.
4. BILL CLINTON'S MILE HI CLUB.
5. BILL CLINTON CSI( CHARM,SEDUCE,INDULGE)

YES BILL CLINTON COULD RULE THE AIRWAVES. LOOK OUT JERRY BRUCKHEIMER,
BILL CLINTON IS "THE MAN"

WELL FOLKS THAT'S IT FOR TODAY AND YES MICHAEL JACKSON IS STILL DEAD,
AS IS "GENERAL FRANCO"( THINK ABOUT CHEVY CHASE ON SNL)

MARSHALL

NOT TO WORRY, MURRAY'S IN A HURRY!

2009-08-02T17:04:00.000-07:00

AREN'T WE ALL GETTING TIRED OF SEEING DR. MURRAY'S SAME PICTURE, OVER&OVER AGAIN?
DOESN'T THE MEDIA HAVE OTHER PICTURES OF HIM? SHIRLEY THERE MUST BE PHOTO'S OF HIM AS A BOY,
A PICTURE FROM HIGH SCHOOL, A PHOTO WITH HIS PARENTS, A GIRL FRIEND, ETC.

HE WAS MARRIED, ISN'T THERE A PICTURE OF HIS EX-WIFE? HOW ABOUT A MEDICAL SCHOOL PICTURE?
A PICTURE OF HIS FIRST 'IV" OR A PICTURE OF HIM WITH HIS FIRST" OXYGEN TANK"?

SINCE THE MEDIA IS ASKING QUESTIONS FROM ANYONE WHOEVER KNEW MICHAEL JACKSON,
WHY HAVE THEY NOT INTERVIEWED MICHAEL'S FORMER "MONKEY". I BET HE COULD REALLY SPILL
THE BEANS ABOUT MICHAEL. I DON'T THINK YOU HAVE TO "MIRANDIZE" A MONKEY.

SO WHERE IS DR.MURRAY? IS HE STILL IN LAS VEGAS, IN EITHER HIS HOME OR HIS STORAGE AREA?
IS HE DRESSED AS A STRIPPER SO NO ONE WILL RECOGNIZE HIM? PERHAPS HE IS WORKING AT "HOOTERS"
OR HANDING OUT FLIERS OF WOMEN WHO ARE PART TIME MEDICAL ASSISTANTS.

PERHAPS DR. MURRAY HAS BEEN TO DR.KLEIN'S OFFICE, FOR SOME PLASTIC SURGERY. MAYBE THAT IS
WHY WE CANNOT SPOT HIM. I SIMPLY DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY NO ONE HAS FOUND WHERE DR. MURRAY IS HIDING.

MAYBE GERALDO COULD OPEN BARRY GORDY'S CRYPT AND FIND MURRAY INSIDE, TAKING A NICE NAP, WITH AN EMPTY
BOTTLE OF "MILK OF AMNESIA"ON THE FLOOR NEAR HIM. WHY CAN'T THE MEDIA "DIG UP MORE DIRT" ON DR. MURRAY?

PERHAPS THE SOLUTION IN FINDING DR. MURRAY, IS TO HIRE THE RIGHT PEOPLE TO FIND HIM.

I WOULD HIRE THE WRITTER"S OF "MONK", THE" MENTALIST", AND MICHAEL C. HALL, REGIS PHILBIN, MADONNA,
JOHN MC CAIN, STAN LEE, GEN. COLLIN POWELL, THE MARX BROS.( I KNOW THEIR DEAD, BUT THEY'RE STILL FUNNY),
URI GELLER, JODIE FOSTER AND THAT GUY FROM "SIT&SLEEP" TO FORM A POSSE TO FIND DR. MURRAY.

IF IT'S TO BE DONE, THESE PEOPLE CAN DO IT. IF DR. MURRY OR HURRY READS THIS, PLEASE GO TO 6430 SUNSET BLVD.
THAT IS WHERE CNN IS LOCATED. IF YOU FIND THE GUARDS ASLEEP( NATURALLY) PLEASE DON'T NEEDLE THEM.

WELL KIDS, THAT'S IT FOR TODAY OR AS DR. MURRAY WOULD SAY, "THE MORE ENABLERS, THE BETTER THE DEFENSE.

"HAIR APARENT", BY FOREST LAWN

2009-07-30T17:08:00.000-07:00

I JUST HEARD THAT MICHAEL JACKSON'S BURNT HAIR WILL BE SOLD. I HAVE AN IDEA TO MAKE MILLIONS.
WHY NOT SELL OTHER ITEMS FROM DEAD PEOPLE. I'M SURE WE WILL START TO SEE NEW ENTERPRISES
WHO WILL HAVE A COURSE IN "HOW TO OPEN A GRAVE AND RETRIEVE THE CONTENTS"

I WONDER IF IF THESE COURSES WILL BE OFFERED ON THE INTERNET. WOULD THE WEB SITE BE "COURSES FOR CORPSES . COM?"
WOULD WE HAVE A "WEB MASTER OR WEB MISTRESS?" PERHAPS SARAH PALLIN OR JOAN RIVERS WOULD BE INTERESTED.
THE SPIN COULD BE DO WE WANT SOMEONE WITH ONE FACE OR SOMEONE WITH ALOT OF FACE EXPERIENCE?

I HAVE COMPILED A LIST OF PROPOSED GRAVE SITES AND WHAT WE COULD FIND INSIDE TO SELL.

1. MARILYN MONROE--WE COULD FIND DNA AND GROW MARILYN'S BREASTS. WHAT WOMEN WOULD NOT WANT MARILY'S BOOBS?
2. FRANK SINATRA--WE COULD FIND DNA AND GROW NEW TONSILS TO BE IMPLANTED IN MALE SINGERS. I COULD JUST SEE
"OL BLUE TONSILS", FOR SALE

3. ELVIS PRESLEY--HIS DNA COULD SPROUT NEW HIPS THAT SWAY. THEY COULD BE SOLD AT "'HIP HOP" STORES OR AT
ORTHOPEDIC DOCTORS OR PERHAPS AT "DR. CONRAD MURRAY'S LAS VEGAS CELEBRITY PARTS EMPORIUM"

4. BELA LEGOSI--THE DNA FROM HIS TEETH COULD BE USED FOR DENTURES. YOU KNOW THEY COME OUT AT NIGHT.

5. RICHARD NIXON--HIS DNA WOULD PROVIDE SMILES FOR PEOPLE WHO LOOK YOU IN THE EYE AND LIE! THEY COULD
BE SOLD AT ALL POLLING BOOTHS IN AMERICA.

I COULD GO ON AND ON, BUT UNTIL YOU SUBSCRIBE TO THIS PRODUCT I CANNOT GIVE AWAY ANY MORE INFO.

I WISH TO THANK THE ESTATE OF COL. PARKER AND BERNARD MADE-OFF FOR THEIR COUNTLESS HOURS OF HELPING ME.

AS ALWAYS, MAY THE GOOD LORD TAKE A LIKEN TO YOU, SOMEONE HAS TO.

MARSHALL BITKOWER

"FLUSH TO JUDGEMENT"

2009-07-27T22:51:00.000-07:00

THIS MORNING I WAS AT THE OFFICE OF A RETIRED SUPREME COURT JUSTICE(CALIF) I HAD TO USE HIS RESTROOM AND FOUND THAT THE WALLS WERE COVERED
WITH NEWSPAPER ARTICLES ABOUT CONVICTED KILLERS.

THERE WERE STORIES/PICTURES OF PHIL SPECTOR, THE MELENDEZ BROTHERS,
CHARLES MANSON AND MY FAVORITE OF ALL O. J. SIMPSON. I KNOW HE WAS NOT CRIMINALLY CONVICTED OF MURDER, BUT HE WAS FOUND GUILTY IN THE CIVIL
WRONGFUL DEATH OF HIS WIFE.

AS I GAZED AROUND AT THIS ASS ORTMENT OF KILLERS, I THOUGT SOMEONE SHOULD PRINT TOILET PAPER, WITH THESE FACES ON IT. I'M SURE SOMEONE
WOULD "CLEAN UP" WITH THIS NEW ITEM. FINALLY WE COULD SAY, THESE PEOPLE
ARE " REALLY SHIT"

PERHAPS THE MAKERS OF THIS 2PLY PAPER COULD DONATE 10% OF WHAT THEY
MAKE , NO PUN INTENDED, TO SOME CHARITY.

I HEAR A RUMOR THAT A "CERTAIN DR. FROM TEXAS", MAY BE "SITTING" FOR
A PHOTOGRAPH. YOU KNOW THE KIND OF PICTURE WHERE YOU HOLD UP YOUR
NAME AND NUMBER.

WELL THAT IS THIS THE OPINION FROM THIS FORMER DEPUTY DISTRICT ATTORNEY. SO NOW IS THE TIME TO "FLUSH TO JUDGEMENT"

MARSHALL

MONDAY MORNING LAWYER

2009-07-24T21:23:00.000-07:00

MICHAEL VICK, GREAT ANOTHER MICHAEL! IT APPEARS ALL 32 NFL TEAMS DO NOT
WANT MICHAEL VICK BACK. THAT'S A REAL "NO BRAINER" SINCE A DOG'S LIFE IS 6 YRS, TO A HUMAN BEING'S 1 YR., WHY IS VICK STILL NOT BEHIND BARS FOR 5X'S WHAT HE HAS SPENT?

MICHAEL VICK SHOULD, AS PART OF HIS PROBATION, BE MADE TO WATCH THE RE RUNS OF "ANIMAL KINGDOM" AND TO READ "NOAH'S ARK" IN ALL LANGUAGES.

NO WONDER THE INTELLIGENT NFL OWNERS DONT WANT HIM BACK. THE MASCOT'S
FOR EACH TEAM ARE ANIMALS & WE ALL KNOW HOW "SLICK-VICK" LOVES ANIMALS.

SOMEONE WITH AN IQ OVER 85, KNOWS A FOOTBALL IS MADE FROM "PIG SKINS"

WOULD VICK ABUSE A FOOTBALL BECAUSE IT CAME FROM AN ANIMAL?
WOULD HE SPIT OUT "GATORAID" BECAUSE IT'S FROM AN ANIMAL?
WOULD HE "BEAT UP" HIS LEATHER JACKET, BECAUSE IT CAME FROM AN ANIMAL?

I TRULY BELIEVE VICK SHOULD HANG AROUND THE ELEPHANT HANDLERS OF THE
BARNUM(OR BAR NONE) & BAILEY CIRCUS.

PERHAPS VICK & THE ELEPHANT HANDLERS, WHO USE "HOOKS" TO CONTROL THE
ELEPHANTS, SHOULD BE IN "THEIR OWN CAGES". THAT WOULD CLEARLY BE "THE
GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH".

PERHAPS THE MOST EQUITABLE THING TO DO WOULD BE FOR MICHAEL VICK IS TO
PUT OUT HIS OWN DOG FOOD, WITH HIMSELF AS THE ONLY INGREDIANT. I'M SURE NO ONE WOULD BUY IT, NO DOG WOULD EAT IT AND IT WOULD END UP IN A 99CENT
STORE, IN THE MANURE SECTION.

PERHAPS THE JUST THING TO DO TO MICHAEL VICK, IS TO ALLOW THE "SWINE FLU"
TO REHABILITATE THIS DOGMATIC CREATURE'

REMEMBER MIKE, WHAT GOES AROUND, COMES AROUND.

HAVE A PLEASANT WEEK, MARSHALL BITKOWER

REAL BIOLOGICAL FATHER OF MICHAEL JACKSON'S KIDS. WHO IT AIN'T111

2009-07-11T22:33:00.000-07:00

LET'S GET SERIOUS FOLKS. A CERTAIN MEDICAL DOCTOR ALLEGEDLY IS THE
BIOLOGICAL (SPERM DONOR) FATHER OF MICHAEL JACKSON'S TWO OLDER CHILDREN.

THAT WOULD MAKE HIM "THE MOTHER OF INVENTION" NEED I SAY MORE?
HIS AUTOBIOGRAPHY COULD BE CALLED "RETURN TO BROBACK MOUNTAIN"
AND I DO MEAN BRO/BACK.

NEXT IMPORTANT QUESTION IS, WILL DEBBIE ROW ROW, SHAVE OFF HER "BEARD?"
THERE IS A HIDDEN MEANING IN THAT QUESTION.

WELL, THAT'S ABOUT IT, EXCEPT IS JOE JACKSON REALLY
THE GEORGE KIRBY OF THE JACKSON FAMILY? YOU REMEMBER
GEORGE AND MARIAN KIRBY OF THE MOVIE/TV SHOW,"TOPPER"

EVEN "ELVIS" DIDN'T HAVE SUCH A "FREAK"SHOW.

MY BEST, MARSHALL

GEORGE KIRBY OF THE JACKSON FAMILY? YOU REMEMBER GEORGE
AND MARIAN KIRBY FROM 'TOPPER"

MY SPELL CHECK SCREWED UP!

2009-07-08T13:45:00.000-07:00

PRIOR POSTING WAS DONE WITHOUT SPELL CHECK. OK I MAID A MISTAKE.
I AM ONLY HUMAN, BUT NOT ACCORDING TO MY EX WIFE.

MARSHALL

"WHERE'S THE BODY?" A REAL "THRILLER"

2009-07-08T13:10:00.000-07:00

WHERE IS MICHAEL JACKSON'S BODY? MAYBE H.G.WELLS COULD TELL US.

WHY DOESN'T SOMEONE ASK URI GELLER? AFTER ALL HE IS A PSYCIC AND

IS/WAS MICHAEL'S FRIEND.

A.E.G. COULD OFFER A REWARD FOR INFORMATION LEADING TO IT'S LOCATION.

THE MEDIA COULD DEPUTIZE CITIZENS AND NON CITIZENS(NO QUESTIONS ASKED)

THAT'S WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS, DEPUTY ANCHOR/FIELD BROADCASTERS AND

DEPUTY "BODY FINDERS" LOOKING FOR M.J'S BODY. ARE THERE FORMS TO FILL

OUT?

IF THE FINDER OF THE BODY DIES, WHO WILL APPOINTED AS GUARDIAN OF

THEIR ESTATE? WILL DEBBIE ROW ROW BE A VOLENTEER OR WILL SHE WAIVE

IT, FOR A SETTLEMENT?

THIS MAY SOUND STUPID, BUT HAS ANYBODY ASKED THE JACKSON FAMILY

WHERE MICHAEL'S BODY IS LOCATED? PERHAPS JOE JACKSON HAS PUT

THE BODY ON EBAY. ANY"BODY" LOOKED THERE?

I COULD JUST IMAGINE A.E.G. RELEASING MICHAEL'S REHEARSALS INTO A MOVIE,

WITH SPECIAL APPEARENCE BY MICHAEL'S BODY. WILL THERE BE ANOTHER

LOTTERY FOR TICKETS?

I REALLY CAN'T WAIT FOR FURTHER DETAILS ABOUT THE MISSING BODY.

BY THE WAY IS THE COFFEN ALSO MISSING? OR IS IT ON EBAY?

HAVE A NICE DAY! WHAT'S NEXT, THEY FOUND ELVIS ALIVE AND HE IS RUNNING

FOR GOVERNOR IN ALASKA! MY QUESTION IS "DOES SARAH PAIL-EN KNOW WHERE

MICHAEL IS"?

THE CIRCUS COME'S A COURT INN

2009-07-05T20:05:00.000-07:00

STEP RIGHT UP LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,BOYS AND GIRLS. YOU ARE ABOUT TO WITNESS A COURT CASE THAT SHOULD BE CALLED A COMBINATION OF VARIOUS
MOVIE TITLES. WHAT WE WILL BE SHOWING IS----DEBBIE DOES NOTHING, PUBLIC
ENEMIES, DR. DEATH MEETS UN WISE GUYS, DR. GREEDY'S TRAVELING IV SHOW,
AKA PANIC IN NEEDLES PARK, THE KEYSTONE COPS MEET JANET JACKSON'S
SLIGHT OF HAND SHOW, ALIAS MEETS DR. DERMA, SLEEPING BEAUTY MEETS
THE TERMINATOR, TRANSFORMERS FROM THE O.R. AND FINALLY, WHO'S YOUR
MAMA?,WHO'S YOUR PAPA?

THE PRODUCTION STARTED "SHOOTING" IN 1996 AND IS STILL BEING EDITED.

THE MUSIC IS PROVIDED BY MOTOWN/SONY RECORDS. ADDITIONAL MUSIC TO
BE PROVIDED BY JOE JACKSON'S NEW RECORD LABEL. THE LABEL SHOULD BE CALLED
"VOMIT RECORDS" A PICTURE OF A BELT IS ON THE LABEL.

WELL CHILDREN/PRESS AGENTS/YES MEN, THAT'S ABOUT IT FOR TODAY.

PS, PARENTS PLEASE DO NOT ALLOW YOUR KIDS TO BUY "DEMEROL CEREAL"
THE CEREAL THAT "SNAPS, CRACKLES AND STOPS" MARSHALL BITKOWER

IS MICHAEL JACKSON LAUGHING?

2009-06-30T17:54:00.000-07:00

THE MICHAEL JACKSON CIRCUS OF LOONIES IS STILL TOURING. TODAY'S SPECIALS

ARE- THE WILL'S IN?/JOE IS OUT! MICHAEL MUST BE LAUGHING AT THE

"GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH" THAT HAS BEEN SOLD OUT ALL OVER THE WORLD.

FIRST ON THE TABLE IS AN ALLEGED WILL AND TRUST FROM 2002.

SECOND COURSE ON OUR MENU IS JOE'S OUT. IT SEEMS NOBODY WANTS JOE

BECAUSE HE DOES'NT LIVE AT THE ENCINO COMPOUND. WHERE HAS HE BEEN?

HAS HE,BESIDES BUYING BLACK SHIRTS, BEEN TAKING MOONWALK LESSONS?

WILL HE SIGN HIMSELF TO HIS NEW RECORD LABEL? IS HIS FIRST RECORD

CALLED "speak softly,but carry a BIG STICK?" HE RAISED MICHAEL SINGING

THAT SONG.

THE THIRD COURSE IS(SADDLY)WHO GETS THE KIDS AND WHO ARE THE KIDS?

THIS COURSE SHOULD NOT BE ON ANY MENU. MICHAEL WAS NEVER ALLOWED

TO GROW UP OR HAVE A NORMAL LIFE, AS CHILDREN MUST HAVE!

THE THREE CHILDREN SHOULD NOT BE PART OF THIS CIRCUS.

DON'T ANY OF THESE "CLOWNS" KNOW THAT?

THE MAIN COURSE IS NOW BEING SERVED. IT IS A TYPE OF STEW, WITH ALL

THE RIGHT INGREEDINTS. THESE INCLUDE A DEBBIE,OF ROWE,ROWE,ROWE

YOUR BOAT FAME. SHE MAYBE OR NOT BE THE BIOLOGICAL MOTHER OF TWO

JACKSON CHILDREN. WE HAVE A THIRD CHILD NAMED"BLANKET" WHO'S MOTHER

IS UNKNOWN ON THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE. WAS SHE THERE WHEN BLANKET WAS

BORN? YOU MUST ADMIT WHOEVER NAMED A NEW BORN CHILD "BLANKET"

WAS PROBABLY NAMED "BASKET",AS IN "BASKET CASE"

THE NEXT INGREEDIANT'S ARE WEASEL JUICE, DROPS OF OPPORTUNITY PLANTS,

AND PUREE OF FINGERS, WHO ALL SEEM TO POINT TO ONE ANOTHER.

I AM QUITE SURE SOME CEREAL MAKER WILL MARKET IT. IT WILL HAVE A

PICTURE OF MICHAEL JACKSON ON IT. IT WILL BE CALLED "DEMEROL"

THE CEREAL THAT "SNAPS,CRACKELS AND STOPS.

SUDDENLY THIS MEAL MAKES ME WANT TO VOMIT.

I WOULDN'T EVEN SEND IT TO THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES. WHERE IT SHOULD BE

IS IN THE COMIC BOOKS, WHERE ALL THE PLAYERS WERE CREATED.

THIS IS ONLY MY OPINION. I'M SURE THOSE FOUL CREATURES INVOLVED

HAVE THEIR OWN OPIUM.

MARSHALL

WHAT/WHOKILLEDMICHAELJACKSON?

2009-06-29T17:29:00.000-07:00

THE ANSWER IS BOTH. THE MICHAEL JACKSON HIT SQUAD KNEW HE WAS ON A
COLLISION COURSE, WITH DEATH THE FINAL STOP. IN LAW WE CALL IT
FORESEEABLE CONSEQUENCES. IT WAS THE LEGAL RESPONSABILITY OF HIS
"ALLEGED" CAREGIVERS,YES MEN, TO USE SOUND JUDGEMENT IN PROTECTING
THE HEALTH AND WELFARE OF MICHAEL. NOT THE MEN OR CORPORATE DRUG
DEALERS WHO SIGNED THEIR CHECKS.

ANY ONE WITH A BRAIN SHOULD OF BEEN AWARE OF THE FRAILITY OF MICHAEL.
HIS WEIGHT DETERIORIZED TO 125LBS. THE "MORAN'S" SURROUNDIG HIM WERE
BLIND WITH GREED. IF THEIR IQ WAS ABOVE 65, THEY WOULD OF SOUGHT PROPER
MEDICAL CARE, BY MEDICAL PEOPLE WHO COULD DEAL WITH THIS WALKING
SKELTON,ASSUMING THAT IN HIS LAST DAYS HE COULD WALK!

WAS IT THE PUBLIC WHO WANTED MICHAEL TO PERFORM INFORMED OF HIS
TRUE STATE OF HEALTH? NO ONE WANTED TO SEE A FRAIL,GHOSTLY VERSION
MICHAEL, IN A DRUG HAZE ATTEMPT TO PERFORM. WOULD THE GREEDY PEOPLE
WHO SURROUNDED HIM INTENDING TO PUT HIM INTO A WHEELCHAIR AND TRUST
HIM IN FRONT OF HIS BILLIONS OF FANS?

DID WE HIS FANS HAVE ANY KNOWLEDGE THAT MICHAEL'S LIGHT WAS
"FLICKERING?" AS ELTON JOHN SAID, THIS "WAS A CANDLE IN THE WIND"

WE ALL REMEMBER "THE MAGIC" THAT MICHAEL JACKSON BROUGHT US.
LET THOSE THAT TOOK THIS AWAY, BE PUNISHED FOR DESTROYING THAT MAGIC.

AS A FORMER DEPUTY DISTRICT ATTORNY, I WOULD LIKE TO SEE ANYONE WHO
CONSPIRED WITH THE ALL MIGHTY DOLLAR TO ALLOW MICHAEL TO DIE, TO BE
PUNISHED. THESE ACTS WERE TRUE ACTS OF CHILD ENDANGERMENT!

MARSHALL BITKOWER

Welcome to Monday Morning Lawyer

2009-06-26T11:16:00.000-07:00

Nobody likes a "Monday Morning Quarterback," but sometimes the best opportunity to learn is when you're laying face down in a "result" that could have been better.

I have been a practicing attorney for 38 years having started in the Los Angeles City Attorney's Criminal Division, then the Los Angeles County District Attorney's Office and after that have spent my career in criminal defense and person injury and plaintiff law.

Part of the job of a good attorney is to build a vigorous case for your client and to do that you often have to see things that others can't see that can tip the case in your client's favor.

This blog will be an occasional commentary on cases in the the news and pointing out what attorneys on either side "shoulda, coulda but didn't" do that may have made a difference in the outcome.

Please do not use this as something to criticize your lawyer (or yourself if you are the lawyer), but as a blog to help us all learn to be more effective in practicing law for the benefit of our clients.

Welcome aboard.

Marshall

marshall@marshallbitkower.com