PAULA ABDUL HIRES BILL CLINTON TO NEGOIATE

FLASH! FLASH! FLASH! PAULA ABDUL HAS HIRED BILL CLINTON TO NEGOIATE HER
PAY HIKE WITH AMERICAN IDOL PRODUCERS. BILL HAS SAID HE WENT TO NORTH
KOREA AS A DRESS REHEARSAL( GET THE HINT HILLARY?) AND NOW ALL HIS CHARM,
WIT AND PRODDING, WILL BE AIMED AT THE TIGHT-ASSES WHO CONTROL THIS
FUTURE LIFELESS SHOW, AS IT WILL BECOME IF "AMERICA'S SWEERHEART " OF THE
AIRWAVES DOES NOT RETURN TO HER RIGHTFUL THRONE AS MAKING "SIMON "LAGREE" COW-ELL LOOK MORE PERPLEXED THAN HE USUALLY LOOKS.

PAULA HAS SCORED A COO IN HAVING BILL CLINTON, A MAN WHO GETS HIS AFFAIRS
IN ORDER, TO TACKLE MR."MUNDANE"OF THE V-NECK,PEEK A BOO, NAVEL T-SHIRT.

SINCE MR.SOUR-DOUGH COWELL IS TO GET 45MILLION PER YEAR AND THE MULTI
TALENTED SHOWMAN,RYAN SEACREST IS TO GET 15MILLION PER YEAR, IT SEEMS
LOGICAL AND REASONABLE FOR PAULA TO RECIEVE WHAT THE "BIG BOYS"RECIEVE.
AFTER ALL ,WE ALL TUNE IN TO SEE/HEAR WHAT PAULA WILL DO NEXT.

I KNOW HOW KEEN BILL CLINTON IS IN HANDLING WOMEN. IN PAULA'S CASE,
SHE SHOULD BE PAID SOMEWHERE BETWEEN WHAT SIMON AND RYAN GET PAID.

WE KNOW THAT BILL CLINTON HAS A MAGIC WAND. SO IT'S NOW, GO BILL GO.
AMERICA IS COUNTING ON YOU.

THIS IS MY OPINION ON WHAT PAULA SHOULD GET. AMERICAN'S UNITE OR NO
"AMERICAN IDOL"TONIGHT. HAVE A PLEASANT DAY.

MARSHALL BITKOWER

OK "HILLARY" PUT AWAY YOUR "ARTILLARY"

DID MOUNT :HILLARY"EXPLODE TODAY? IT SEEMS OUR SECTRETARY OF STATE
AND MS. PANT-SUIT OF 1967, WAS SHAKEN, NOT STIRRED, BECAUSE HER HUSBAND,
CERTAINLY NOT HER SIGNIFICANT OTHER, HAS THE SPOTLIGHT ON HIM.

COME ON NOW HILLARY, SO WHAT IF YOUR BILL(BILL OF RIGHTS OR BILL OF WRONGS?") HAS SHOWN THE WORLD WHAT A GREAT STATESMAN HE TRULY IS.
EVEN HIS "PANTS-SUIT" IS NEAT AND UP TO DATE. HIS COLORS ARE CLASSY,
NOT CRASSY.

BY THE WAY MS.VOLCANO, THE JET PLANE USED BY PRESIDENT CLINTON, WAS
DONATED BY MR. STEVEN BING. MR. BING, A VERY WEALTHY MAN AND SEED DONER,
IS WELL USED TO THE SPOTLIGHT ON HIM AND HIS EXPLOITS WITH THE LADIES.

I FIND IT QUITE AMUSING THAT THE FRIENLY SKIES CAN NOW PROCLAIM,
THAT THE "BILL/BING" DIPLOMATIC AIRLINES ARE IN FULL "SWING"

OK HILLARY, I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE "THE FLYING PANT-SUIT AIRLINES"

THAT'S MY LOOK AT THE NEWS, MY BEST, MARSHALL

DOESN'T"SOTOMAYOR"SOUND LIKE 'GOLDAMEIR?"

IT WOULD SEEM TO ME THAT OUR NEW UNITED STATES ASSOCIATE JUSTICE,
SONIA SOTOMAYOR, SOUNDS ALOT LIKE "GOLDA MEIR", THE FIRST PRIME
MINISTER OF ISREAL.( ALSO A WOMEN)

BOTH OF THESE STRONG WOMEN CAME FROM MEAGER BACKGROUNDS. BOTH OF THESE WOMEN HAVE THEIR OWN APPROACH AND QUIRKYNESS TOWARDS THEIR DECISIONS. THAT, IN NO WAY, HAS INTERFEARED WITH WHAT THEIR LESSONS
IN LIFE HAVE TAUGHT THEM. SO WHAT IF SONIA SOTOMAYOR IS THE FIRST HISPANIC ON THE UNITED STATES SURPREME COURT. IT IS NOT WHAT SHE IS THAT COUNTS, IT'S WHO SHE IS THAT COUNTS. SURE SONIA SPEAKS HER MIND, ISN'T THAT A FREEDOM GIVEN US IN AMERICA?

IT'S ABOUT TIME THAT THE U.S.S.C. HAD A LITTLE"HOT SAUCE" IN IT. ALL WE'VE HAD IS "BLAND CAFETERIA FOOD" WHEN RUTH BADER GINSBERG WAS APPOINTED TO THE UNITED STATES SURPREME COURT, I WAS HOPING FOR A LITTLE "CHICKEN SOUP" APPROACH TO INTERPRETING THE CONSTITION. AFTER ALL, IT COULDN'T HURT! I WILL NOT MENTION CLARENCE THOMAS, BECAUSE I'M NOT SURE HE WOULD KNOW A TAMALE FROM A "KINNISH"

LET'S GIVE SONIA A ROUSING HAND AND LIKE GOLDA MEIR ONCE SAID"WE NOW HAVE ENOUGH, SO LET'S NOT COMPLAIN OF WHAT WE DON'T HAVE"

I AM MARSHALL BITKOWER AND THAT'S MY OPINION

HEY! HEY! PAULA OR HAS "AMERICAN IDOL BECOME "AMERICAN IDIOT?

HAY! HAY!PAULA, YOUR PERSONA HAS MADE "AMERICAN IDOL" A WORLD POWERHOUSE. YOUR "SHTICK'S" ARE AS MEMORIAL AS GRAUCHO MARX
WAS TO THE "MARX BROS." DO THE PRODUCERS(SIMON COWELL) EXPECT
YOU TO "COWELL" DOWN TO THEIR PETTY MONEY OFFERS?

THE MILLIONS OF VIEWERS TURN INTO THIS SHOW TO SEE THE THE "ANTICS"
OF PAULA. THEY DO NOT WATCH THE SHOW TO SEE RYAN SEACREST'S SPARKLY'
PERSONALITY OR "SIMON CRUEL"S LATEST T-SHIRT. RANDY IS DANDY, KARA
A NICE PERSON,BUT HAS NO PIZZAZZZZ. SIMON ALWAYS CONDUCTS HIMSELF
AS HE HAS CHRONIC CONSTIPATION!! SO WHAT MAKES THIS SHOW A CUT ABOVE
THE AVERAGE TALENT SHOW? IT IS PAULA,PAULA,PAULA.

AFTER THE SHOW IS OVER, WHAT DO WE( THE MILLIONS WHO PUT MILLIONS
INTO SIMON LAGREE'S TIGHT V-NECK T-SHIRTS) TALK ABOUT? WE TALK ABOUT
WHAT PAULA SAID OR SHE WHAT SHE ATTEMPTED TO SAY.

I PREDICT THAT WITHOUT PAULA ON "AMERICAN IDOL" THE SHOW WILL BECOME
THE "TITANIC" OF FOX T.V. AND WE ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO THE "TITANIC"

IF THE MAGIC AURA OF RYAN SEACREST CAN GET $45M FOR HIS NEW THREE YR. CONTRACT, PAULA SHOULD GET THE SAME. AFTER ALL, DO WE THINK AFTER THE
SHOW ABOUT RYAN'S NEW HAIRDO, OR DO WE THINK ABOUT "WHAT DID PAULA SAY
OR WHAT WAS PAULA TRYING TO SAY?"

YOU BE THE JUDGES OF "AMERICAN IDOL" WITH PAULA IT'S THUMBS UP
WITHOUT PAULA IT'S THUMBS DOWN. REMEMBER SIMON CRUEL, IS IT WISE
TO BE PENNEY WISE OR POUND FOOLISH?

THIS IS ONLY MY OPINION, BUT I USED TO WATCH "AMERICAN IDOL"

I REST MY CASE. MARSHALL

WHERE THERE IS A "BILL"THERE IS A WAY

GOOD DAY LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. I SAY IT'S A GOOD DAY BECAUSE BILL CLINTON, ONCE AGAIN,

HAS SHOWN THE WORLD WHAT A GREAT ASSET BILL CLINTON IS TO HUMANITY. YOU MIGHT EVEN SAY

WHAT A PEACE OF ASS-ET HE TRULY IS. BILL CLINTON HAS DONE WHAT JAMES BOND COULDN'T DO.
REMEMBER WHEN JAMES BOND( PIERCE BROSNAN) HAD TO BREAK OUT OF NORTH KOREA AND TAKE
ONE THERE OWN MILITARY PLANES?

WELL BILL CLINTON JUST FLEW IN, GOT THE GIRLS,( SO WHAT ELSE DID YOU EXPECT?) AND FLEW
BACK TO THE TINSEL TOWN AIRPORT. THE AIRPORT IS IN BURBANK, CAL. YES, BEAUTIFUL DOWNTOWN BURBANK.

BURBANK IS THE HOME OF DISNEY,NBC,WARNER BROS.,ETC. I COULD JUST 4SEE A NEW REALITY T.V. SHOW
"BILL CLINTON, THE REAL AMERICAN IDOL" THINK OF THE OTHER T.V. SHOWS HE WOULD "SPAWN"

1. BILL CLINTON'S WOMEN WRESTLING CLUB.
2. BILL CLINTON'S BABYLON IN DC.
3. BILL CLINTON'S STAIN REMOVING INFOMERCIAL.
4. BILL CLINTON'S MILE HI CLUB.
5. BILL CLINTON CSI( CHARM,SEDUCE,INDULGE)


YES BILL CLINTON COULD RULE THE AIRWAVES. LOOK OUT JERRY BRUCKHEIMER,
BILL CLINTON IS "THE MAN"

WELL FOLKS THAT'S IT FOR TODAY AND YES MICHAEL JACKSON IS STILL DEAD,
AS IS "GENERAL FRANCO"( THINK ABOUT CHEVY CHASE ON SNL)

MARSHALL

NOT TO WORRY, MURRAY'S IN A HURRY!

AREN'T WE ALL GETTING TIRED OF SEEING DR. MURRAY'S SAME PICTURE, OVER&OVER AGAIN?
DOESN'T THE MEDIA HAVE OTHER PICTURES OF HIM? SHIRLEY THERE MUST BE PHOTO'S OF HIM AS A BOY,
A PICTURE FROM HIGH SCHOOL, A PHOTO WITH HIS PARENTS, A GIRL FRIEND, ETC.

HE WAS MARRIED, ISN'T THERE A PICTURE OF HIS EX-WIFE? HOW ABOUT A MEDICAL SCHOOL PICTURE?
A PICTURE OF HIS FIRST 'IV" OR A PICTURE OF HIM WITH HIS FIRST" OXYGEN TANK"?

SINCE THE MEDIA IS ASKING QUESTIONS FROM ANYONE WHOEVER KNEW MICHAEL JACKSON,
WHY HAVE THEY NOT INTERVIEWED MICHAEL'S FORMER "MONKEY". I BET HE COULD REALLY SPILL
THE BEANS ABOUT MICHAEL. I DON'T THINK YOU HAVE TO "MIRANDIZE" A MONKEY.

SO WHERE IS DR.MURRAY? IS HE STILL IN LAS VEGAS, IN EITHER HIS HOME OR HIS STORAGE AREA?
IS HE DRESSED AS A STRIPPER SO NO ONE WILL RECOGNIZE HIM? PERHAPS HE IS WORKING AT "HOOTERS"
OR HANDING OUT FLIERS OF WOMEN WHO ARE PART TIME MEDICAL ASSISTANTS.

PERHAPS DR. MURRAY HAS BEEN TO DR.KLEIN'S OFFICE, FOR SOME PLASTIC SURGERY. MAYBE THAT IS
WHY WE CANNOT SPOT HIM. I SIMPLY DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY NO ONE HAS FOUND WHERE DR. MURRAY IS HIDING.

MAYBE GERALDO COULD OPEN BARRY GORDY'S CRYPT AND FIND MURRAY INSIDE, TAKING A NICE NAP, WITH AN EMPTY
BOTTLE OF "MILK OF AMNESIA"ON THE FLOOR NEAR HIM. WHY CAN'T THE MEDIA "DIG UP MORE DIRT" ON DR. MURRAY?

PERHAPS THE SOLUTION IN FINDING DR. MURRAY, IS TO HIRE THE RIGHT PEOPLE TO FIND HIM.

I WOULD HIRE THE WRITTER"S OF "MONK", THE" MENTALIST", AND MICHAEL C. HALL, REGIS PHILBIN, MADONNA,
JOHN MC CAIN, STAN LEE, GEN. COLLIN POWELL, THE MARX BROS.( I KNOW THEIR DEAD, BUT THEY'RE STILL FUNNY),
URI GELLER, JODIE FOSTER AND THAT GUY FROM "SIT&SLEEP" TO FORM A POSSE TO FIND DR. MURRAY.

IF IT'S TO BE DONE, THESE PEOPLE CAN DO IT. IF DR. MURRY OR HURRY READS THIS, PLEASE GO TO 6430 SUNSET BLVD.
THAT IS WHERE CNN IS LOCATED. IF YOU FIND THE GUARDS ASLEEP( NATURALLY) PLEASE DON'T NEEDLE THEM.

WELL KIDS, THAT'S IT FOR TODAY OR AS DR. MURRAY WOULD SAY, "THE MORE ENABLERS, THE BETTER THE DEFENSE.

"HAIR APARENT", BY FOREST LAWN

I JUST HEARD THAT MICHAEL JACKSON'S BURNT HAIR WILL BE SOLD. I HAVE AN IDEA TO MAKE MILLIONS.
WHY NOT SELL OTHER ITEMS FROM DEAD PEOPLE. I'M SURE WE WILL START TO SEE NEW ENTERPRISES
WHO WILL HAVE A COURSE IN "HOW TO OPEN A GRAVE AND RETRIEVE THE CONTENTS"

I WONDER IF IF THESE COURSES WILL BE OFFERED ON THE INTERNET. WOULD THE WEB SITE BE "COURSES FOR CORPSES . COM?"
WOULD WE HAVE A "WEB MASTER OR WEB MISTRESS?" PERHAPS SARAH PALLIN OR JOAN RIVERS WOULD BE INTERESTED.
THE SPIN COULD BE DO WE WANT SOMEONE WITH ONE FACE OR SOMEONE WITH ALOT OF FACE EXPERIENCE?

I HAVE COMPILED A LIST OF PROPOSED GRAVE SITES AND WHAT WE COULD FIND INSIDE TO SELL.

1. MARILYN MONROE--WE COULD FIND DNA AND GROW MARILYN'S BREASTS. WHAT WOMEN WOULD NOT WANT MARILY'S BOOBS?
2. FRANK SINATRA--WE COULD FIND DNA AND GROW NEW TONSILS TO BE IMPLANTED IN MALE SINGERS. I COULD JUST SEE
"OL BLUE TONSILS", FOR SALE

3. ELVIS PRESLEY--HIS DNA COULD SPROUT NEW HIPS THAT SWAY. THEY COULD BE SOLD AT "'HIP HOP" STORES OR AT
ORTHOPEDIC DOCTORS OR PERHAPS AT "DR. CONRAD MURRAY'S LAS VEGAS CELEBRITY PARTS EMPORIUM"

4. BELA LEGOSI--THE DNA FROM HIS TEETH COULD BE USED FOR DENTURES. YOU KNOW THEY COME OUT AT NIGHT.

5. RICHARD NIXON--HIS DNA WOULD PROVIDE SMILES FOR PEOPLE WHO LOOK YOU IN THE EYE AND LIE! THEY COULD
BE SOLD AT ALL POLLING BOOTHS IN AMERICA.


I COULD GO ON AND ON, BUT UNTIL YOU SUBSCRIBE TO THIS PRODUCT I CANNOT GIVE AWAY ANY MORE INFO.


I WISH TO THANK THE ESTATE OF COL. PARKER AND BERNARD MADE-OFF FOR THEIR COUNTLESS HOURS OF HELPING ME.

AS ALWAYS, MAY THE GOOD LORD TAKE A LIKEN TO YOU, SOMEONE HAS TO.

MARSHALL BITKOWER