"HAIR APARENT", BY FOREST LAWN

I JUST HEARD THAT MICHAEL JACKSON'S BURNT HAIR WILL BE SOLD. I HAVE AN IDEA TO MAKE MILLIONS.
WHY NOT SELL OTHER ITEMS FROM DEAD PEOPLE. I'M SURE WE WILL START TO SEE NEW ENTERPRISES
WHO WILL HAVE A COURSE IN "HOW TO OPEN A GRAVE AND RETRIEVE THE CONTENTS"

I WONDER IF IF THESE COURSES WILL BE OFFERED ON THE INTERNET. WOULD THE WEB SITE BE "COURSES FOR CORPSES . COM?"
WOULD WE HAVE A "WEB MASTER OR WEB MISTRESS?" PERHAPS SARAH PALLIN OR JOAN RIVERS WOULD BE INTERESTED.
THE SPIN COULD BE DO WE WANT SOMEONE WITH ONE FACE OR SOMEONE WITH ALOT OF FACE EXPERIENCE?

I HAVE COMPILED A LIST OF PROPOSED GRAVE SITES AND WHAT WE COULD FIND INSIDE TO SELL.

1. MARILYN MONROE--WE COULD FIND DNA AND GROW MARILYN'S BREASTS. WHAT WOMEN WOULD NOT WANT MARILY'S BOOBS?
2. FRANK SINATRA--WE COULD FIND DNA AND GROW NEW TONSILS TO BE IMPLANTED IN MALE SINGERS. I COULD JUST SEE
"OL BLUE TONSILS", FOR SALE

3. ELVIS PRESLEY--HIS DNA COULD SPROUT NEW HIPS THAT SWAY. THEY COULD BE SOLD AT "'HIP HOP" STORES OR AT
ORTHOPEDIC DOCTORS OR PERHAPS AT "DR. CONRAD MURRAY'S LAS VEGAS CELEBRITY PARTS EMPORIUM"

4. BELA LEGOSI--THE DNA FROM HIS TEETH COULD BE USED FOR DENTURES. YOU KNOW THEY COME OUT AT NIGHT.

5. RICHARD NIXON--HIS DNA WOULD PROVIDE SMILES FOR PEOPLE WHO LOOK YOU IN THE EYE AND LIE! THEY COULD
BE SOLD AT ALL POLLING BOOTHS IN AMERICA.


I COULD GO ON AND ON, BUT UNTIL YOU SUBSCRIBE TO THIS PRODUCT I CANNOT GIVE AWAY ANY MORE INFO.


I WISH TO THANK THE ESTATE OF COL. PARKER AND BERNARD MADE-OFF FOR THEIR COUNTLESS HOURS OF HELPING ME.

AS ALWAYS, MAY THE GOOD LORD TAKE A LIKEN TO YOU, SOMEONE HAS TO.

MARSHALL BITKOWER

"FLUSH TO JUDGEMENT"

THIS MORNING I WAS AT THE OFFICE OF A RETIRED SUPREME COURT JUSTICE(CALIF) I HAD TO USE HIS RESTROOM AND FOUND THAT THE WALLS WERE COVERED
WITH NEWSPAPER ARTICLES ABOUT CONVICTED KILLERS.

THERE WERE STORIES/PICTURES OF PHIL SPECTOR, THE MELENDEZ BROTHERS,
CHARLES MANSON AND MY FAVORITE OF ALL O. J. SIMPSON. I KNOW HE WAS NOT CRIMINALLY CONVICTED OF MURDER, BUT HE WAS FOUND GUILTY IN THE CIVIL
WRONGFUL DEATH OF HIS WIFE.

AS I GAZED AROUND AT THIS ASS ORTMENT OF KILLERS, I THOUGT SOMEONE SHOULD PRINT TOILET PAPER, WITH THESE FACES ON IT. I'M SURE SOMEONE
WOULD "CLEAN UP" WITH THIS NEW ITEM. FINALLY WE COULD SAY, THESE PEOPLE
ARE " REALLY SHIT"

PERHAPS THE MAKERS OF THIS 2PLY PAPER COULD DONATE 10% OF WHAT THEY
MAKE , NO PUN INTENDED, TO SOME CHARITY.

I HEAR A RUMOR THAT A "CERTAIN DR. FROM TEXAS", MAY BE "SITTING" FOR
A PHOTOGRAPH. YOU KNOW THE KIND OF PICTURE WHERE YOU HOLD UP YOUR
NAME AND NUMBER.

WELL THAT IS THIS THE OPINION FROM THIS FORMER DEPUTY DISTRICT ATTORNEY. SO NOW IS THE TIME TO "FLUSH TO JUDGEMENT"

MARSHALL

MONDAY MORNING LAWYER

MICHAEL VICK, GREAT ANOTHER MICHAEL! IT APPEARS ALL 32 NFL TEAMS DO NOT
WANT MICHAEL VICK BACK. THAT'S A REAL "NO BRAINER" SINCE A DOG'S LIFE IS 6 YRS, TO A HUMAN BEING'S 1 YR., WHY IS VICK STILL NOT BEHIND BARS FOR 5X'S WHAT HE HAS SPENT?

MICHAEL VICK SHOULD, AS PART OF HIS PROBATION, BE MADE TO WATCH THE RE RUNS OF "ANIMAL KINGDOM" AND TO READ "NOAH'S ARK" IN ALL LANGUAGES.

NO WONDER THE INTELLIGENT NFL OWNERS DONT WANT HIM BACK. THE MASCOT'S
FOR EACH TEAM ARE ANIMALS & WE ALL KNOW HOW "SLICK-VICK" LOVES ANIMALS.

SOMEONE WITH AN IQ OVER 85, KNOWS A FOOTBALL IS MADE FROM "PIG SKINS"

WOULD VICK ABUSE A FOOTBALL BECAUSE IT CAME FROM AN ANIMAL?
WOULD HE SPIT OUT "GATORAID" BECAUSE IT'S FROM AN ANIMAL?
WOULD HE "BEAT UP" HIS LEATHER JACKET, BECAUSE IT CAME FROM AN ANIMAL?

I TRULY BELIEVE VICK SHOULD HANG AROUND THE ELEPHANT HANDLERS OF THE
BARNUM(OR BAR NONE) & BAILEY CIRCUS.

PERHAPS VICK & THE ELEPHANT HANDLERS, WHO USE "HOOKS" TO CONTROL THE
ELEPHANTS, SHOULD BE IN "THEIR OWN CAGES". THAT WOULD CLEARLY BE "THE
GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH".

PERHAPS THE MOST EQUITABLE THING TO DO WOULD BE FOR MICHAEL VICK IS TO
PUT OUT HIS OWN DOG FOOD, WITH HIMSELF AS THE ONLY INGREDIANT. I'M SURE NO ONE WOULD BUY IT, NO DOG WOULD EAT IT AND IT WOULD END UP IN A 99CENT
STORE, IN THE MANURE SECTION.

PERHAPS THE JUST THING TO DO TO MICHAEL VICK, IS TO ALLOW THE "SWINE FLU"
TO REHABILITATE THIS DOGMATIC CREATURE'

REMEMBER MIKE, WHAT GOES AROUND, COMES AROUND.

HAVE A PLEASANT WEEK, MARSHALL BITKOWER

REAL BIOLOGICAL FATHER OF MICHAEL JACKSON'S KIDS. WHO IT AIN'T111

LET'S GET SERIOUS FOLKS. A CERTAIN MEDICAL DOCTOR ALLEGEDLY IS THE
BIOLOGICAL (SPERM DONOR) FATHER OF MICHAEL JACKSON'S TWO OLDER CHILDREN.

THAT WOULD MAKE HIM "THE MOTHER OF INVENTION" NEED I SAY MORE?
HIS AUTOBIOGRAPHY COULD BE CALLED "RETURN TO BROBACK MOUNTAIN"
AND I DO MEAN BRO/BACK.

NEXT IMPORTANT QUESTION IS, WILL DEBBIE ROW ROW, SHAVE OFF HER "BEARD?"
THERE IS A HIDDEN MEANING IN THAT QUESTION.


WELL, THAT'S ABOUT IT, EXCEPT IS JOE JACKSON REALLY
THE GEORGE KIRBY OF THE JACKSON FAMILY? YOU REMEMBER
GEORGE AND MARIAN KIRBY OF THE MOVIE/TV SHOW,"TOPPER"

EVEN "ELVIS" DIDN'T HAVE SUCH A "FREAK"SHOW.

MY BEST, MARSHALL



GEORGE KIRBY OF THE JACKSON FAMILY? YOU REMEMBER GEORGE
AND MARIAN KIRBY FROM 'TOPPER"

MY SPELL CHECK SCREWED UP!

PRIOR POSTING WAS DONE WITHOUT SPELL CHECK. OK I MAID A MISTAKE.
I AM ONLY HUMAN, BUT NOT ACCORDING TO MY EX WIFE.

MARSHALL

"WHERE'S THE BODY?" A REAL "THRILLER"

WHERE IS MICHAEL JACKSON'S BODY? MAYBE H.G.WELLS COULD TELL US.

WHY DOESN'T SOMEONE ASK URI GELLER? AFTER ALL HE IS A PSYCIC AND

IS/WAS MICHAEL'S FRIEND.

A.E.G. COULD OFFER A REWARD FOR INFORMATION LEADING TO IT'S LOCATION.

THE MEDIA COULD DEPUTIZE CITIZENS AND NON CITIZENS(NO QUESTIONS ASKED)

THAT'S WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS, DEPUTY ANCHOR/FIELD BROADCASTERS AND

DEPUTY "BODY FINDERS" LOOKING FOR M.J'S BODY. ARE THERE FORMS TO FILL

OUT?

IF THE FINDER OF THE BODY DIES, WHO WILL APPOINTED AS GUARDIAN OF

THEIR ESTATE? WILL DEBBIE ROW ROW BE A VOLENTEER OR WILL SHE WAIVE

IT, FOR A SETTLEMENT?

THIS MAY SOUND STUPID, BUT HAS ANYBODY ASKED THE JACKSON FAMILY

WHERE MICHAEL'S BODY IS LOCATED? PERHAPS JOE JACKSON HAS PUT

THE BODY ON EBAY. ANY"BODY" LOOKED THERE?

I COULD JUST IMAGINE A.E.G. RELEASING MICHAEL'S REHEARSALS INTO A MOVIE,

WITH SPECIAL APPEARENCE BY MICHAEL'S BODY. WILL THERE BE ANOTHER

LOTTERY FOR TICKETS?

I REALLY CAN'T WAIT FOR FURTHER DETAILS ABOUT THE MISSING BODY.

BY THE WAY IS THE COFFEN ALSO MISSING? OR IS IT ON EBAY?

HAVE A NICE DAY! WHAT'S NEXT, THEY FOUND ELVIS ALIVE AND HE IS RUNNING

FOR GOVERNOR IN ALASKA! MY QUESTION IS "DOES SARAH PAIL-EN KNOW WHERE

MICHAEL IS"?

THE CIRCUS COME'S A COURT INN

STEP RIGHT UP LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,BOYS AND GIRLS. YOU ARE ABOUT TO WITNESS A COURT CASE THAT SHOULD BE CALLED A COMBINATION OF VARIOUS
MOVIE TITLES. WHAT WE WILL BE SHOWING IS----DEBBIE DOES NOTHING, PUBLIC
ENEMIES, DR. DEATH MEETS UN WISE GUYS, DR. GREEDY'S TRAVELING IV SHOW,
AKA PANIC IN NEEDLES PARK, THE KEYSTONE COPS MEET JANET JACKSON'S
SLIGHT OF HAND SHOW, ALIAS MEETS DR. DERMA, SLEEPING BEAUTY MEETS
THE TERMINATOR, TRANSFORMERS FROM THE O.R. AND FINALLY, WHO'S YOUR
MAMA?,WHO'S YOUR PAPA?

THE PRODUCTION STARTED "SHOOTING" IN 1996 AND IS STILL BEING EDITED.

THE MUSIC IS PROVIDED BY MOTOWN/SONY RECORDS. ADDITIONAL MUSIC TO
BE PROVIDED BY JOE JACKSON'S NEW RECORD LABEL. THE LABEL SHOULD BE CALLED
"VOMIT RECORDS" A PICTURE OF A BELT IS ON THE LABEL.

WELL CHILDREN/PRESS AGENTS/YES MEN, THAT'S ABOUT IT FOR TODAY.

PS, PARENTS PLEASE DO NOT ALLOW YOUR KIDS TO BUY "DEMEROL CEREAL"
THE CEREAL THAT "SNAPS, CRACKLES AND STOPS" MARSHALL BITKOWER