"FRIENDS,ROMAN AND COUNTRYMEN, THE SWISS GOVERNMENT IS "CHEEZEE"

THE SWISS GOVERNMENT IS FULL OF HOLES, JUST LIKE IT'S CHEESE!
THEY HAVE ARRESTED DR. RICHARD KIMBLE.NO, KNOT DAVID JANSSEN
OR HARRISON FORD.( I know you can figure out this)

As Frank Sinatra once sang, "Aint That A Kick In The Head" ( every pun intended)
The Famous Film Director, Roman Hands,etc. went to Swisherland to recieve a Film
Award. Now he is " A Ward" of this safe haven Nation, where Drug Money Cartels, Wall
Street Rebels, Secret Funds from Terrorists, James Bond Enemies and Movie Studio's
Keep their "in the Black monies", while telling actors their Movies and T.V.Series are
still in the "RED" (think "creative" accounting)

So where were Polanski's Handlers? I hear they were in "ChinaTown", with "Rosemary's Baby",
who was playing "The Piano" Shouldn't these bottom-feeders of known about Switzerland's
Extradition Treaty with The United States? I hope Roman sues them for malpractice.

I, in no way ,am condoning the actions done by Polanski, towards a minor, over thirty years ago.
As a Former Deputy District Attorney and who has represented hundreds of criminal defendants,
there are plea bargains struck between three parties. The third player in the Justice System is
the Judge. Here's how it is done, the prosecutor and the defense attorney enter into what the
disposition of a case should be and they ask the judge to agree to it. This is usually a done deal.

In Polanski's case, all three players had agreed to a disposition. Some how before the actual
sentencing, the judge, let it leak out, that he was going to impose a jail sentence. The agreement
was for Polanski to be placed on straight probation.This violated the agreed sentence and Polanski
failed to show up in Court and a Bench Warrant was issued for his arrest. He than became a fugitive.

When this Judge, took it on his own to change the disposition, this cruel, unilateral, self rightous
action, could of collasped the entire Criminal Justice System. Normally I would call this Judge
a real "Schmuck", but I owe respect to this Dead Maggot. ( need I say more?)

If Polanski is returned to The United States, for his sentence, I hope equity will prevail.
We owe him that and he owes us, too.

In the meantime, I would suggest the following changes

1. The Swiss Family Robinson become The Romanian Family Robinson.
2. The Swiss Army Knife will become, The Malta Army Knife.
3.K-Swiss Tennis Shoes shall now be called K-Finland Tennis Shoes.
4.Swiss chocolates are to become Greek Chocolates.
5.Swiss cheese shall be known as Lithuanian cheese.
6.Swiss watches will be named Transylvanian watches ( they could play the song
"Fangs For The Memory)
7. Swiss mocha shall become Maldavia mocha.

I am still Marshall Bitkower and this is my opinion. By the way did you know that
President Ohbomba favorite song is "Iran All The Way Home?"

"ECONOMY SHATTERS MUSIC INDUSTRY'EVERYTHING IS CUT OR REDUCED"

THE FINANCIAL WORLD OF THE MUSIC INDUSTRY IS REDUCED AND DOWNSIZED.
MUSIC PUBLISHERS MUST RE-PUBLISH WITH DRASSTIC MODIFICATIONS OF
NUMBERS IN SONGS.

Nobody( not like the Olson twin)will be raking it in, not even Madonna.( think about it)
Tin Pan Alley will downsize to Tiny Pan Alley. Here the plan to save "The Music" Piano's
will only have 44keys. If a picture paints a 1000 words, it is now 500. If you want to tiptoe
through the One Lip, that's ok.

Old standards will change their number's. We will sing "Eye Only Have Eye Two You( the 4 is now 2,
under the new plan, you will hear, "I Found a 1/2 Million Dollar Baby" Johnnie Mathis will re-record
his hit, The Six Of Never" Children will sing, "The Five Days Of Chrismas" Broadway will rename it's
Musical to " Four and a Half" ( if you don't get it, think about a cat having 4 1/2 Lives) If you still
don't get it, retire and move to Davy Jone's Locker.Not to be confused with 'Hey,hey, I'm a Monkee.
( that's an inn joke)

Movies will also feel the pinch, like young actress's do. The Gregory Peck Movie, being cast now,
will be called "Six O Clock High. Warner Bros. will re do "One For Tea" Cowboys will wear five
gallon hats. They have also opted to redo "The Three and a Half Hills Of Rome" Twentieth( or rather
Teneth Century Fox will revamp "Zurcan's Are A Girls Best Friend"

Golfer's will now yell out "two" The luxurious hotels will change their names. They will be called "The
Three Season's Resorts. You can keep the lite on at the Motel 3.

The women's store, will now be called 444Freight. The Prime Minister Of England will relocate
one "#5 Downing Street. Baskin & Robbins will have fifteen flavors. A sexual position will be
changed to "34.5". Restaurant's will now make "One Egg, over easy." Nat"King"Cole's classic
song, will become "One Young". Baker's Dozen's will be a thing of the past. An old T.V. Comedy Show
will now be "One And One Half"s Company. The Sheen/Cryer Comedy, will become" One and 1/4th Men"

A famous University will be called" Twodam" University. Snow White will have 3.s Dwarfs.
"Onelane" university will finance the play, "Seven Angry Men"

My name is Marshall Bitkower and that is my opinion. I did it all with "Smoke and Mirrors"

"A DAY OF ATONEMENT, A DAY OF ALONEMENT"

"TONIGHT AT SUNDOWN, IS THE START OF "YOM KIPPUR", FOR JEWS ALL OVER THE WORLD.
THIS IS THE TIME TO ASK GOD TO FORGIVE THE NEGATIVE THINGS WE HAVE DONE, THE PEOPLE
WE HAVE HURT AND DECIEVED. IT IS A TIME FOR A NEW BEGINNING, WITH A CLEAN SLATE. IT IS THE TIME
TO REFLECT THE PEOPLE WE HAVE LOST AND PRAY FOR THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN ATACKED BY ILLNESS OR
HAVE LOST THEIR WAY. THAT PHILOSOPHY ALLOWS US TO MOVE ON, WITH OUR LIVES AND TO REFRAIN
FROM THE BITTERNESS OF THE PAST.

That sounds great, but there are those who will never let go of boiling hate, that never lies dormant in their hearts
or souls. This includes ex husbands and wives, who still blame each other, for what they were, not what and who they are.
The children who blame their parents, for every time they stumble & fall. The grudges of women, who blame the manufacturer
for a dress not fitting. ( they should actually blame the "dressing", they put on their healthy salads)

The men blame their mistakes in business on "Horses" that didn't win. Tonto never blamed his horse "Scout" for"The Lone Ranger"
being cancelled on television. Some of my friends will never forgive Germany, yet they buy Mercedes and bragg about it, to everyone!
They tell the guy at 7/11, the kid who delivers their newspapers, their opposition in Court and the man who delivers their Pittza.
Of course if the Pittza doesn't kill you. the gas prices of filling a Mercedes, will suffice.

The woman who cannot face their "faces" in the mirror, try to commit suicide by staying out of "Neiman's", for at least three days.

I by no means say these "Fo-pa's"( meaning they had four husbands) are only an example of Jews. Every denomination has the same
agendas. Did you know their are only a few Lawyers, who do Divorces in Utah.( think about it.) The Osmonds, I have been told, are attempting
to become the 51st. State.

Wouldn't it be a wonderful world, if all culturers had a "Yom Kippur?" Each could ask forgiveness and begin a "New Slate" One that would
believe in "Honor Thy Neighbor", not "Dishonor Thy Neighbor?"

I am Marshall Bitkower and that is my opinion." Mr Smart-Attack"( thatz-a me) wishes everyone a Blessed and Joyus Life.
Except to the Nitwits that cancelled "Pushing Daises" and "Time For Beanie" and not giving William Peterson, the 25million
per season, he really deserves.

"PRESENT-DENT OHBAMA WANYS ISLAM DAY AT WHITE HOUSE"

DOES PRESIDENT OH-BOMB-A, REALLY NEED TO HAVE AN "ISLAM' DAY AT THE WHITE HOUSE?
WILL HE INVITE "KADAFFY DUCK" TO JOIN, ALSO? WHAT'S NEXT, MEL GIBSON REQUESTING A DAY
FOR "CHILDREN" FOR HITLER?

THE ORGANIZER OF THIS "BLAY-TINT" ISLAM RALLY, IS THE ATTORNEY WHO HAS REPRESENTED "TERROISTS".

I have represented many criminal defendants, from all walks of life, but I draw the line at" Terroists", who are a
constant threat, to not only Isreal, but to all Nations, where their covert acts has resulted in mass killings of American's
and all places where mankind ( a real oxymoran) exists. The prediction( nothing to do with how you "speak") of 50,000
Muslams surrounding the "White House", is as ludacrous as allowing "Been Lyin" to do an infomercial for homeless children.

Hollywierd is now making "The A-Team", into a motion picture. Perhaps what the World needs is our own military
"A-Team" plus Ziva DaVide, to find and flush out(great word "Flush") this reject from a "Grunge" concert, "Saten Been Lyin"

We could drop" Cement Unlevin Bread", laced with "Lethal Prune Juice" on "Been Lyin's" hiding place and finally we would
"Knock" the "CRAP" out of him. This would be the "Shit" heard around the world!

If only John Wayne, Burt Lancaster, Errol Flynn and Marjorie Main, were alive today, they could know what to do with Terrorists.
Who are our heroes of today? Are they Jon Gosselin, Sollymoma, Rachael Ray and all the "Chef's" on cable T.V.? Could the "Commander
of these new "Super Dupper" Hero's, be that guy from "Project Runway"? What would they do to win the war against "Terroism"?
Drop "Curtain Rods" on them?

I am still Marshall Bitkower and this has been another "SMART ATTACK" column that I personally created and dedicate to
California Attorney General, Jerry Brown. A man who get's the "Job Done"

"HEIDI FLEISS IS BACK ON TOP" OR ON THE BOTTOM"

HEIDI FLEISS'S MENWOIRS HAS BECOME A BEST SELLER ON THE NEW YORK TIME'S BEST SELLER'S LIST.
IT IS GOOD TO SEE HEIDI, " BACK ON TOP", AFTER ALL THE YEARS OF BEING ON THE "BOTTOM" HER BOOK
IS "NON-FRICTION", OF COURSE. THE CO-WRITTER IS MR.XXXX( YOU GOT TO UNDERSTAND HIS NAME)

I had an email from John Holme's Widow. She did not like my last column, said it was "too long" I didn't think anything
was" too long "for her. I know that "John" took her virginity from "Behind Her Green Door" Alright it's time for me to get
out of the gutter and start talking about our wonderful "United Nations" The U.N. deserves the Adolph Hitler Lifetime Award,
for inviting that look alike from "Down and Out, In Beverly Hills couture designer who dressed Nick Nolte to dress "up" as in
the same manner as Moammar Kidafi did dress today. Some how the term "War-drobe" seems befitting to Kadafi, which rhymes
with Kadaffy Duck ( A special Thank You, to Balfour Lax, for thinking of that)

Kadaffy thinks that the "Holocaust" never happened. Did he get his "alleged" education from the same people who loved
Francis Scott Keys second hit song( think about it) Perhaps this wittle "scmendrick" could consult with the DNA of Richard
Nixon, who stated, "I am not a liar", I'm just an ugly reminder of how wrong Dr. Frankenstein monster was, in trying to enter
the auditions for the new, "American Idle" Judge. This is not to be confused with, "American Idol". The former is to win the title
of the top American, who does not work.

I have been" herring" roomers that Esther Williams is coming out of retirement, to host, "Diving With The Starfish"( bada bing)
I've also been told that Francis Ford Coppola will be the host on the new show, not from Jerry Bruckheimer, called "Swimming
With The Fishess"

For those of you, who haven't heard yet, all convicted politicians, will be sent to "Lyin Country Safairy. The pretense is if you
stay their for two leap years, without being killed by a wild contributor, you will have earned Parole or a " GED" certificate.

MY NAME IS STILL MARSHALL BITKOWER and I must remind you, that there is no East Carolina or West Dakota or a
East or West Pole. Good day and God Bless.

"AUTHOR,ATHOR" ADEN-DUMB.

I MUST CONFESS, NOT THE FIFTH AMENDMENT TYPE ( MIRANDA VS. ARIZONA, NOT "CARMEN MIRANDA" ) THAT I FORGOT A FEW
ITEMS THAT I FORGOT TO MENTION, IN PRIOR COLUMN.

1. Before Law School, I was in the television series, "Mr. Novack" filmed at MGM, for the two years it lasted.
2.I worked myself through Law School as a "Process Server" and Quiz Show Contestant. About nine different quiz shows.

3.I won on the TV Show "The Dating Game". I "Sang" all my answers.
4.I was discovered on that show by The "King of MGM Musicals, Mr. Joeseph Pasternack.
5I went to his house in Bel-Air and he said he wanted to do a "Screen Test" of me singing.
6.If you want to know what happened, Email me at MARSHALL@MARSHALL.COM. I'll put answer in my next column.


Again or Encore,Encore, I am still Marshall Bitkower and you keep all dem cards and letters comin in.

"AUTHOR,AUTHOR," WHAT IS A MARSHALL BITKOWER"

WHO & WHAT IS A MARSHALL BITKOWER? IS A QUESTION THAT EVEN DAVID LETTERMAN MAY NOT KNOW.
MARHALL BITKOWER'S DREAM WAS TO BE A SINGER WHO HAD IDOLIZED DEAN MARTIN AND STEVE LAWRENCE.

After many years of hitting the pavements of the Sunset Strip with his "Demos", somehow he sent Steve Lawrence a "Demo" that
he had paid for, by working as a box-boy at "Daylite Mrkt" on La Cieniga. It was the "Gelson's" of it's time. Steve Lawrence sent the demo
to Edward Kleban, West Coast A&R man at "Columbia Records" Columbia was going to sign a new young singer. It ended up that there were
two final contestants, Marshall and Mike Clifford, on the East Coast. The contract went to Clifford, because the "Brass" said Marshall sounded
too much like Steve Lawrence. I thought they were real "Schmucks"

Ed Kleban was pissed at Columbia for not picking Marshall and he quit his job. Ed went to New York and wrote the lyrics for a new Broadway
Show. It was called "A CHORUS LINE", and who knows what became of this Musical( Ha!Ha!Ha!)

Being very disappointed, I( Yes I am Marshall, not to be confused with "We Are Marshall") went to college, majored in Theatre Arts and
took "Fencing" over "Ballet". You had to take either course. The thought of being in a two-two, was not nor is my style.

After college, I decided that becoming an Attorney, was the closest thing to playing to a live audience. I thought lawyers wore gray suits
and drove Bu-Hicks. I went to Southwestern University School Of Law and surprisingly, passed the Bar, on the first try.
I became a Deputy City Attorney for Los Angles, Criminal Division. My first day was quite interesting. I was assigned to "The Pit", where
people came in and gave stories(most of them claimed they were being followed by "space ailiens" with antenna's sticking out of there heads)

A woman walked in, I was facing away from her, so David Ogden, a former mortician, my partner in "The Pit" listened to her tail of woe.
It seemed her neighbor walked his two "German Shepard Dogs" off the leash and wanted to report on him. I heard this and started to turn
around when she yelled out, "That's Him, the dog guy" Luckily David's experience in handling people( HA!HA!HAW!) came in handy.
He told her that since I became an attorney, I will not violate the "Leash Law"
.

Within ten minutes after she left, I got a call from David Perez, head of criminal to come to his office. David, who never had a hair
out of place on his head said to me, "Marshall, every one of my prosecutors has had complaints from people, but never in the first
five minutes on the job. He looked at me and started to laugh so loud.

I guess David Perez liked me, because at Christmas Time, he gave five bottles of expensive "Scotch" to his best Deputies. Out of
one hundred Deputies, some how I was in the top five. David went on to be a Superior Court Judge in Santa Monica, hearring
only Criminal Cases.

I transfered to The District Attorney's Office, because I wanted to try felony cases. The first case assigned to me was a "Beastyality" case.
The defendant was caught by two L.A.P.D. officers attempting to have sex with a "Chicken" in the back seat of his car. The Police arrested him, but the case couldn't be tried because ( This is true!) they couldn't find the chicken to complain against him. My first "Big" case was a murder case, where the
deceased had started a fight with a knife, lost the knife to the defendant, who stabbed him 16 times, even though the deceased was lying "face down"
on the ground. The defendent's beautiful, five year old daughter, with braces, was brought in the court by her mother, when argument started
to the Jury. I knew her being there would cause the Jury to acquit him. I didn't realize it before, but no D.A. wanted to try this "Dog" A name
given to loser cases for the D.A's.

After the Jury came back with a Guilty Verdict, the Judge, Leslie Light , said to me, "Weren't you a little overly dramatic with your argument?"
I said no and asked Judge Light, if he was ever in the Military? He said yes, the Marines and I said "it figures". He just smiled at me.

Judge Leslie Light was a truly the smartest Judge on the bench. He knew the Law, backward and forward. He was indeed the Greatest Criminal
Judge ever to sit, in The United States. When I was writting my list of guests at my wedding, I sent an invitation to Judge Light.
He saw me walking down the hall of The Criminal Court and said he recieved my invitation, but he makes a rule that he does not
mix business with pleasure. As my heart started to sink, he looked at me and said "In your case, Ill make an exception and will attend"

I started to write just a "Bissel" ( not the vacuum) A Bissel is Yiddish for "little.

Well I am still Marshall Bitkower and that's just a little history of Marshall Bitkower. God Bless

"THE 61st.EMMY(OR ENEMA)AWARDS.TELEVISION SHOW HAD AS MUCH SPARK AS 10 DAY OLD MANURE"

LAST NIGHT'S EMMY (OR ENEMA SHOW) WAS THE WORST TELEVISION SHOW, SINCE DISCOVERING
PEE WEE HERMAN ONCE CHALLENGED "ANDRE THE GIANT' IN A FREE FIR ALL, ON ESPN.

The two accountants from Ernst & Young, had more life than Neil Patrick Harris. Good thing one sponsor,"Vaseline"
didn't segway back to our wittle Doogie. ( don't ask, don't tell) When NPH showed the Band and did his wittle banter
with them, we know why they should of been back in the"Pitts" I never noticed before but is NPH, an albino?

The new sets were truly an amazing sight. If one could imagine a mate-ing between an "overdose of LSD" coupled
with the lyrics to "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds" springled with a tinge of Windex and Ivory Flakes and the
mid-wife being Andy Warhol, these sets would be such an OFFSPRING. When the sets were lighted up, they
looked like a combination of an aquarium,a 4th. of July Show,a bad hair day at Phil Spector's House and a scene
from Andy Hardy attacks "Startreck" Don't forget a "Treckie sounds like a Dreckie"(If that needs some splaining,
you iz stupid)

The only thing that "Stood up", naturally was Alex Baldwin's Hair. In the Hollywood Reporter the various Talent Agencies,
listed their clients that were nominated. Why didn't the Beverly Hills Plasitic Surgeons, take out a similar advertisement?
I would of liked to of heard endorsements of the women and men, who thanked "ALLI" for their new slim look. I see the
camera tried to pan the audience, butt it seemed everyone was in the bathroom. No empty seats there.

The show dragged on more than a concert with George Michael and Adam Lambert. Chevy Chase looked like the grandfather
of the first "Griswald" Rob Lowe looked like he was "constipated" Beatrice Arthur, although deceased, had more sparkle, than
any of the "Reality" MC's. Now whoever decided to have a separate catagory for "Reality Television" must of been the same person
who bought the Chevrolet Corvair. (Need I say more?)

The show should of been sponsored by "Geritol" and Disney's "Prune Juice" ( those Disney guys are everywhere)
The only two personalities of the evening were Ricky Gervais, who igknighted the room with his wit and the Beautiful
and Talented Ms. Christin Chenowweth. Christin has what it takes to become a "STAR" She has the cutest voice since
Goldie Hawn, the smile to melt the icecaps and the charisma of as Ed Sullivan, used to call "AY REAl -LY BIG STAR"

If she was only 25yrs. older. Christin, is your mother single?

I am still Marshall Bitkower and hopefully who called this the "Prime Time Emmy's, will next year be "Doing Time"

"A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR" TO ALL MY JEWISH FRIENDS"

THE JEWISH NEW YEAR IS A VERY SPECIAL FAMILY EVENT. I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS MARRIED, WE WOULD ALL RUSH
TO GET DRESSED AND OUT OF OUR ENCINO HOUSE TO DRIVE TO TEMPLE.

The women would all look at each other, to see what "Designer" went to Temple with them.
The prices for tickets was something you would win on "The California Lottery" the kids would
all dress up like their parents. I am not sure this was good or bad. The Parking Lot of the Temple, looked
like the Parking Lot at "Chasen's"

But whatever this looked like, once inside, we all felt a sense of belonging in the right place.
I do miss the feeling of being in the "right place" I do cherish those days in my life and i'm sure
those golden days of my life, will forever be in "My Book of Life."

Those days only come once in a lifetime. Anthony Newley was correct. I sincerely wish a "Happy New Year"
to Judge Irwin J. Nebron, who made this former Deputy District Attorney, feel good about being Jewish.

You see, if you were a Deputy City Atty., a Deputy District Attorney, a Public Defender or a Deputy County Counsel,
your Supervisor would ask you to bring a "blank check" and go to Div.18, to see "The Neeb", who's chambers were
filled with every candy known to mankind. The "Neeb" would ask us if we were Jewish, if we said yes, he would ask
us to take out a blank check and make it out for $50 and payable to" Justice Lodge", the legal branch of B'nai Brith.
a Jewish club.

Every year "Justice Lodge" would put on a Show, that Ed Sullivan, would of been proud to present.

I am still Marshall Bitkower and a proud member of "Justice Lodge", even though it does not exist today.
As Jackie Mason used to say "Who Knew?", well I did and I do miss it.

"LOOK WHO'S BACK" SMOKEY THE BEAR COMES OUT OF RETIREMENT!

HORRAY FOR HOLLYWEIRD. THE LOS ANGELES BOARD OF SUPERVISORS HAS BAND "SMOKING IN PARKS"
They have named, former star, "Smokey The Bear" as the new Smoking Czar. "Smokey" had been retired and living
at" The Motion Picture Home for Former, Furry Stars." This is a golden opportunity for other residents to be back
in the "Public Eye" "My Friend Flicka" has been signed as technical advisor on the remake of "A Man Called Horse"

RIN TIN TIN has been appointed to command L.A.P.D's. Swat Teams. The Police Officer's will soon know that Rinty's Bark
is just as formidable as his "Bite" My friends Suzanne & Bernie Lax's Fluffable doggie, "Punky", who is actually an undercover
"Masued" ( little legal pun) agent, who will be joining the cast of "C.S.I.- Tel Aviv. The other stars are Ice-Berg ( former Isreali
Rap Star), Mel Gibson, oh yeah he was fired, Natalie Portman's second cousin, Farfull Moonves, Peter Falk and Paula Abdul as
"The Dradle"

Flash, Annjolie's" Pitt-Bull" was caught smoking marijuana and has been sent to rehab at the "Dog Whisperer's 12 step program"
Besides getting sober, they will cut his nails and give him a "flea" collar. Donating his diamond stud-ed collar to the people he
helped in New Orleans. The late Ray Charles's dog "What I Say" will be in charge of "The Coast Guard", at the Potomac River Location
Can you imagine when he barks, The Coast Guard's personal will yell out "What He Say?" The crews will have to take a course in how
train a dog to navigate. This is probably easier than teaching a sailor to "roll over and kvetch a ball"

I understand that Lassie will be assigned to associate producer on The Craig Ferguson Show. ( think about it, that's how they
got the name "Scotch Bright")

Neal Kirby will star in the remake of "The Invisable Dog" for Universal. "Flipper" will take the helm of our Navel Ships in Alaska.
Because of his political beliefs, he will "Flip Off", Sarah Pallin. "Baretta's Bird ", will also join in the flipping.
"Old Yeller" will oversee the United States Bureau Of Prisons and will find out if Bernie Made-off's nose is wet and cold.
I know Old Yeller will see if wittle Bernie's Tail has been tampered with ( no further comment is needed)

"King Kong" is still alive, only his stunt double died and he will join N.B.C., as a "Tour Guide". He will also work as the N.B.C. Tram.

"Trigger, The Cisco Kid's horse, Diablo, Mr. ED and "Fury" will be co-directors on the new the new TV Series, "Riding With The Stars"

I am still Marshall Bitkower and that's how I look at things. PS- Ellen DeGeneres loves her 39 year old "Porsche"

"KENYE WEST AND CHRIS BROWN SIGNED FOR REMAKE FOR A FIST FULL OF DOLLARS"

HOLLYWEIRD HAS JUST ANNOUCED THE REMAKE OF "A FIST-FULL OF DOLLARS" STARRING CHRIS BROWN
AND THE HUMBLE KENYE WEST. BEE- ON CE-SAY will knot be part of the production. Mike Tyson has been hired as dick-tion coach.
The entire movie will be shot in "Wide Screen" to acommondate West's Big Mouth.

The entire production will be shot at The California Rehabition Center in Corchran, Calif. Charles Manson an imate there would
have final approval ( should be "removal") of the script. I also understand that Dr. Conrad Murray will also have "script" approval,
after all he may spend alot of "time" there. Here is a list of the Movie crew.

1.financial ass-istance provided by American Industrial Greed, inc. (AIG)
2. stunt drivers-Keifer Sutherland, Linsay Lowhands, Paris Hilton, Nicole Richee and the "IDIOT" from the Coast Guard.
3.jet planes, for flying sequences- General Motors, Ford Motors and Chrysler Corp.
4.animals services, Michael Vick
5.catering services, Dr. Arnold Klein
6.cos tombs, provided by Forrest Lawn of Beverly Hills.
7.hair styles by Whoopee Goldberg and Phil Spector
8.medical people, Dr. Kervoykian, Dr. Conrad Murray ( busy wittle Connie) and Dr. Strangelove
9.family life consultants, Jon and Kate Gosslein
10.birth control expert, Ms. Soleyman
11. dialogue director, Lou Ferrigno and "Slappsy"Max Rosenblum
12. accounting by former Orange County Sheriff Mike Corona
13.research by, Mata Hara & Tokyo Rose
14.ad placement, Rod Blogojevich
15.music provided by, Whitney Houston, who's new album is titled,"It"s Coke Time". Or was that Eddie Fisher
16. swords supplied by Walter Lantz ( think about it)
17. dances sequences by, that "Bruno" guy from "American Idle" and those "Waterworld" guys from "Guantonomo Bay.

My name is Marshall Bitkower and I knew the "Duck" from Groucho Mark's T.V. show, "You Bet Your Life"

"FAME IS FLEETING, (KNOT THE FLEET-ENEMA)"

REMEMBER WHEN "MOVIE STARS" WERE WORSHIPPED AND" T.V. STARS" WERE ADORED? THESE CELEBRITIES
WERE LIKE OUR RELATIVES OR BETTER THAN RELATIVES.

When I was a young Deputy District Attorney, we would discuss on Monday's, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, which was
on Sat. night. We all knew the actor's real names and their the roles they played. We went to see a movie because John Wayne,
Marlon Brando ( not the Pillsbury Dough Boy Brando), John Travolta, Burt Reynolds, etc.,were in it.

We would sing "Those Were The Day's" when the "Meat-Head" was arguing with "RRRchee" We had crush's on Barbara Eden and her
lack of clothing. We couldn't wait till Elizabeth Mongomery twitched her nose and I would wish to "Twitch" her, everywhere. I remember
arranging a private screening at Warner Bros., for the first "Dirty Harry" movie, starring Clint Eastwood as a Homicide Detective. Since The
District Attorney's prosecuted murder cases, this movie was just up our alley. ( has anybody been "Up an alley?")

We were right there with" Columbo" and his raincoat ( no comment!) as he hounded the murdrer or murderee. I couldn't wait to see
"Marshal McCloud" ride his horse down Fifth Ave., in New York City. ( did I say New York City?) (Think about that phrase) Nor today could
we forget the eye's lighting up, the tilt of that head of that "Shayna Punim" Justice finder, "Judge Judy"

I loved the two "Transformer" movies, but what's a Shia LaBeof? That sounds more like a "shy guy who is nude"
The Television show," Fathers and Sons", is so confusing because I can't tell the fathers from the sons. The star's name,
"Calisa Flockhart" sounds like a bunch of flying birds trying to find"Calistoga Water" I don't know a "Camera Diaz from
a Jennifer Annis-sin or from a Due Berrymore. The latter sounds like a commercial from a cemetary. The last Bore-at movie
was just as funny as all the signs in West Hollywood, which state, "Parking In Rear"

I am very glad to see "Michael Myers" back in the "Holloween" movie franchise. Why doesn't the United States Military Community
send "Little Mikee" over to Afganistan, to eliminate the "Bad Guys?" We all know that "Sylvester Stallone" ( with that first name, you
got to be a "Great Fighter") and his "Rambo alter ego" would eliminate any conflicts and flatten the ememy's troops. It probably could
be done in about ninety minutes.

That's my opinion and I still am, Marshall Bitkower. I didn't vote for Nixon or that quick witted Bush-Wacker and I never will.

THE UNITED STATES COAST GUARD NEEDS "RIGHT GUARD" AND LEROY JETHRO GIBBS

WALTER WINCHELL WOULD START HIS RADIO BROADCAST BY SAYING, "GOOD EVENING LADIES AND GENTLEMAN
AND ALL THE SHIPS AT SEA" Well today, a day that will live in infamy, The United States Coast Guard Vessels in the Potomac
River, should of been religated to Davy Jone's Locker. What ever IQ reject that planned a "Training Day" on 9/11, should be made
to wear "Training Bra's" for the reminder of his or her service time.

Today was a day to remember the Tragedy that fell on America on 9/11. Whoever created today's fiasco should be made to "walk the plank"
at the Tip of "Jack Spratt's Sword" I understand that the "Intelligent Community" ( a real Oxy-Moron) who are there supposed to share
"intelligence" don't like to share. Perhaps they should be sent back to kindagarten and learn the principle of sharring. Could it be that these
people who monitar the intelligence and safety of American's, got their education from a mail order catalog?

Is it possable that these Titon's of Sesame St., decided to add "non" in front of "sense?" When the names of these Mongoloids is revealed
they should be made to go hunting with "Dick" Cheney, for ninety days.

This week was full of "Ninkapoops" First we had Congressman Joe Wilson and his big fat fart mouth, who said "What A Lie" during The
President's Speech. That mouth should be sanatized and hung in Miss Kitty's Saloon ( if you do not remember Ms. Kitty, then ask someone)

Calif. Rep. Mike Duvall, the recipient of a "family and ethics award",who thought he was a "Hot Mike" was caught talking on a " Hot Mike-Raphone"
about a two female conquests and what he did with them. His modis operandi was spanking their young wittle tushies.
When confronted or conbackin, ( Think about it), "HOT MIKE" Said he was only joking. He ended his remarks by saying "Spank You"

But inspite of these two "Twerps" The head "SCHMUCK" or "SCHMUCKTRESS" of The Coast Guard, who was in command of this action
should be left to Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs of N.C.I.S, for investigation. When they are caught, Gibbs should slap them on their heads
with a 4x4, instead of his hands. Furthermore they should covered from head to toe in honey and put in solidary confinement, along with
a swarm of bees and hornets.

I still am Marshall Bitkower and that is my opinion. I also understand that once these varmits are released, they will join Saturday Night Live.

THE "UNSUNG HEROES OF MEMORIAL DAY

EVERY MEMORIAL DAY WE REFLECT ON AMERICA'S HEROES. But what about the "Unsung Heroes" we never hear about?

My Grandmother Goldie,from Russia, had 14 children, only 9 survived. My Grandmother Frieda,from Poland,
also had 14 children and 9 survived. Both of my grandparents came to The United States, worked hard, only spoke
Yiddish, but they managed to feed, clothed and had a roof over their heads, without any Govermental help.
How did they do it, I don't know, unless working eighteen hours a day, without a phone, a car, a television, a refrigerator,
or shopping at Gelson's.

My dear friend, George, picked a "how to book" on computers and soon sold a "Program" to The United States Navy.
Not bad for a kid from East Los Angeles. George, now is a well respected business man and nobody handed him
a "silver" plate.

Irving Berlin was an immigrant, who spoke no English, when he arrived and saw the Statue Of Liberty.
He went on to write the songs that will forever remain in our Hearts and Soul. Mr. Berlin wrote "God Bless America"
and donated all royalties to The Boy Scouts Of America. Which one of our Rock Bands, Super Star actors, singers,and Computer Mavens
has donated any one of their "Mega Bucks" royalties to any institutions for the betterment of mankind?

These Giants of survival should be an insperation to all Americans. This is only a few of the"Unsung Heroes", who indeed
are "MEMORIAL"

I wish you and yours a Happy Memorial Day. My name is Marshall Bitkower and as Mr. Rolex once said "Only Time Will Tell.
And "Good Night" Mrs. Calabash", wherever you are.

ALL "STARS" ARE NOT "SHOOTING STARS"

I AM GETTING TIRED OF READING ABOUT STARS THAT ARE "DOPES". WHAT HAPPENED TO STARS
WHO ARE KNOWN FOR THEIR BODY'S ( NEW BODY'S,MOSTLY) OF WORK?

Where are the "Ozzie ( was he from the "Emerald City?) and Harriet's of today? Could it be that Ozzie's past has finally
been revealed? I remember Ozzie never worked. He spent alot of time with "Thorney". You know if you take away his first letter(T),
his name would of been "Horney". both Ozzie and Mr. "T" would spend alot of time at a "Malt Shop" When was the last time two "Buds"
would spend time at a "Malt Shop?" Was it because High School Adonis's would also spend time there? We never saw "Thorney's wife.
Was it because he did not have a wife? The series character,"Doc" would meet these two, also at the Malt Shop. What was "DOC" a Doc of?

The three bro's of "Bonanza" bunked together. We never saw what kind of "Bunk's" they slept in. Did you ever wonder why one brother
was nick named "Little Joe" What the hell is a "Hoss" That was one brother's name. I don't remember the name of Pernel Roberts character.
I only know he thought the part he played was beneath him ( anything else underneath him?) Pernel ( what the hell is a "Pernel?) Isn't that
the charge you get from a manicurest? When he left the" Ponderossa", he was replaced by an actor who was named "Canary". Need I say more?

The father of these boys, was played by Lorne Green. With his great baritone voice, we knew he was all man.

The "Brady Bunch" had a secret. The father was played by a known homosexual actor. Perhaps he should of played Mrs. Brady.
Who did this remarkable casting, Vincent Price? Yes the famous whorer movie star. He starred in "The House Of Wax" maybe
it should of been called "The House Of Waxing" Now you know why it was "shot" in 3D. Things "POPPED OUT" in 3D.

The Disney Series, The Hard-ee boys, starred one actor who became a "Drag Queen" I won't mention his name, butt he was related
to Captain Kirk. This "Kirk" was straight, butt not the "Hard-ee Boy " Kirk.

Lassie was one of my favorite stars. Did you know that" Lassie" was really a "male" dog, who played the part of the "Bitch" on his/her show.
Lassie probably was the first Television Star, who went into "Theraphy" Wouldn't you, if you were a man acting like a woman?

OK, that's my opinion of Television History, as they say "Hollywood Is Where Stars Are "Made" I'm still Marshall Bitkower and if
there was an "Aunt Jamima" was there "An Uncle Jimima?"

FOPA IN PREVIOUS BLOG, I SCREWEDUP. YES ME!

THE TIDBIT about "Buster Brown" should of ended, after animal rights-junkie would pickett his house.


I am as always, Marshall Bitkower and those who are without mistakes are nobodies in the real world.

REMEMBER DINAH SHORE,HOPPALONG CASSIDY AND CHICITA BANANA?

"WHERE HAVE ALL THE FLOWERS GONE?" When i was eight years old, i could walk one mile to a movie theatre and not
worry someone would a-costing me, hurt me or be involved in a drive by shooting. it was a simple way of life and my parents didn't
take a "handful of pills" to get through the day. The only "drive by" we had was the "HELM"S BAKERY MAN", throughing cookies
at us, not 38 calibar bullets or Molitoff cocktails. The only coctails I remember were "Prune Juice Cocktails" which resulted in running
a mile in 3seconds to get to the bathroom.

My parents would watch DINAH SHORE, who would sing "See The USA In your CHEVROLET". She would then throw a kiss.
When was the last time anyone sang about a car? We only hear "Come Fly With ME", by the GREEDY X-ecutives who get into
their "Lear Jets" and go to our Government and beg for "Bail Out" money. What these "poor me" guys should of done was to
"Bail Out" of their Jets, without a "Golden Parachute" That would take them to"ground zero"

People would sing about their "Merry Oldsmobile" and their girlfriend, Lucille. The only thing "Merry" today, are the men who
go through the woods in tights and feathers in their hats. that follow a guy named "Robin Hood" The only "Hood" we have today
is the "Interment" camps in South Los Angeles.

Remember the song, "It's delightful, It's delicious, It's DE SOTO?" We are a nation who were proud of our automomiles, now we seem
ashamed to buy anything made in America. Remember Milton Berle's Texaco Singing Men, who came out and sang a song, as they filled
your gas tank and wiped your windows? Today if someone did that, we would have them arrested and held 72hrs., for a Psyc. examination.

Hoppalong Cassidy would save the "school marm"(whatever that was) and put the "bad guys or varmits" into a jail, without some one
yelling about whether or not they had a right to remain silent. I remember when "Buster Brown" had a dog in his shoe and no "animal rights"

The slogan "Nobody Doesn't Like Sarah Lee" was a falsity, "Arteries" don't like Sarah Lee, nor do Cardiologists.
People would hear "Get DR. Ross Dogfood, do your self a favor" Shouldn't the favor be for your cute,little dog, not your self?

The "Mitchum Deodorant", had a man in a bed, who would say, "I didn't use Mitchum today and I may not tomorrow"
Ever notice no one was in the bed with him, when he said that" He probably stayed in bed for two days, while he watched "Law & Odor"

Ever notice that "Chichita Banana" who had a great singing and dancing career, is no longer on t.v.?
The networks probably think she is too old, to attract the proper demographics of the 18-24 audience.

Where is Roy Rogers Happy Trails today? Is it only when there are five years in the can of your t.v. series
that you can have "Happy Trails?"

I am still Marshall Bitkower, former Deputy District Attorney, Los Angeles County, former Deputy City Attorney,City of Los Angeles,
Criminal Division and X-Husband, World Wide.

junkie would pickett his house.

""

"MOYLE HEIGHTS" OR "BOIL HEIGHT" AS IT ONCE WAS CALLED.

We all have heard of "Boyle Heights" in East Los Angeles, but the first name to that area was "Moyle Hts." or as some people called it
"Boiled Hts" This area was first established by the immigration of Jewish people, who came here from Russia, Poland and Germany.
This was because of the Anti Semitism in Europe fueled by that "Little Nebush" Toush-Hole", who called himself, The Charley Chaplin
look a like. Charley Chaplin was a "Genius", Hitler had no genes, since he was born under a rock, left by a herd of cow dung.

You might ask what does "Moyle Hts. mean? A Moyle is the person who preforms a "circomesion" on an infant's penus ( or a "wee-wee"),
usually a boy ( or also called a "boychick", but not on a boy who thinks he is chick. Those are called "faggula's") and are derived from great
musical composers like Who Did They Find On Franz list? A Moyle has no Medical Training, but has served as a student at the Benny Hana
Academy of slice or dice. In the 30's and 40's, there were Moyle Stands on every corner in this area. Some even had a two for one coupon,
which were donated by the Gelson Brothers. Some even had discounts if their "Equipment" was not sharpened ( ouch! ouch! ouch!)

You may not know this historic fact, but The Pep Boys, Manny,Moe and Jack invented the first traveling Moyle Mobile.
Many Up and Comers in Show Business were "IM-Moyleized" from this East Los Angeles community. Their were "Designer Moyles"
who did special cuts. They had different styles such as "The Lew Wasserman Cut. At the "End of this design, boys would grow up, wear black suits
and "Errect" tall buildings in Universal City. Many Beverly Hills Plastic Surgeons got their start by being a "Moyle" The famous hair product
"BrillCream got their signature slogan, "A little dab" from Moyle Hts.

The second name for this community was called "Boiled Heights" This is because anything they ate had to be Boiled.
My Grandma, Goldie Shapiro, from Minsk, would not eat anything until it was boiled. Do you know how boiled Matza tastes?
You should be glad if you don't. The chicken had to have all parts of it boiled, except the "Toush", of course. The feet of the chicken,
not Foster Farms, would be boiled. Did you ever see boiled chicken feet? The ends would be yellow in color. Kinda like a banana with
finger nails. From a cow, she would boil a lung. Did you ever look at a lung that had been boiled? It looks like a football with a glandular
problem. Personally I prefer lung when it has been fried or bbq'ed.

My grandmother even boiled Jello. We called it "Hell-o". Chicken fat would be boiled and then placed outdoors in the sun
till it became dark and hard. That's how the first suntan lotion was created. Their were great singers in Temples or Schuls,
as they were called, which gave birth to the Greatest Deli in the world. They formed a partnership and opened "CANTORS"
Think about it.

So now you know a little of Jewish History of life, as it was like in the days of my four fathers. My mother married many times.

My name is Marshall Bitkower, a proud member of the "Bris Bragade" ( for those of you who have not touched this subject before,
a Bris is when they " Wack off " the end of a boy's penus) and have all yout relatives and friends watch the ceremony.



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