Grab your Ipods,open your Blackberry's, find your Smart phones ( IQ's of 75+),produce your cell phones
( or cell-u-lite for women)look up your Webb Sites( not Donald Duck),prepare your Emales and fee-male
brides), your AVITAR Shades, with your AVITAR inhalers, your spring chickens, with their spring mattresses, toss out all of Mel Gibson's wedding vows, hidden under his bottles of Gibson's, retract
Bruce Springsteen's favorite dish, a Patti-melt and do not vote for Osmondland, to become the fifty first
State in The United States. This is because every Osmond has eight children, 375 cousins, 550 aunts and
549 uncles(one uncle double dipped)
You probably do not know that the Theme song of Osmondland is" Womb On The Range." Now that's hot
Additionally, throw out your Huggies and Huggy Bears, your Viagra and goulosh's, your Girl Scout Cookies
and Tonto ( think about it Lone Ranger, but not the guy in the bank) Bada Bing, Bada Bang. Discard your
Chrysler Solara and your solar heater, erase the offspring of Capt. Kangaroo and The Grunge, known as
Capt. Kangagrunge ( that is stupid, but I'm knot purrfect)
Take your two week old Latka's and give them to The Army in Irac( not to be related to the song, "Irac all the way home". Destroy all your 3 Musketeer bars and four in hand ties. Cut up all your KY and KGB cards. Seek and destroy all of Glayds Knight's Pips and membership in the private club "Pips"
Purge all Burger King wrappers, but not Snoop Dog, along with audition tapes from "the Young And
The Restless, which show clips of David Hassellhoff, Lindsay Low-han, Kiefer Southerland, Brittney
Spears, Forrest Tucker, Marjorie Lord, Marjorie Main, Mr. Wizzard and Bob Clampett, before they
became stars. Keep the clibs from Ira the Moyle.
NOW WE HAVE COME (AND ARE MORE RELAXED) TO THE EXITING
PART OF OUR PROGRAM. THE BLOG-MITZFA AWARDS FOR 2009
THIS IS A GOOD TIME FOR A BATHROOM BREAK AND TO PUT YOUR KIDS
TO SLEEP, OR SEND THEM TO SIT & SLEEP. ITZ FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
FIRST CATAGORY-ENTERTAINMENT AWARDS
1. THE 14 WOMAN OF THE HIT T.V. SHOW, "HEIDI FLEISS AIN'T TOO WISE" ALL OF THESE
WONDERFUL LADIES, OF THE EVENING, HAVE NOTCH'S ON TIGER WOOD'S PUTTER.
THEY WILL AND HAVE "GONE DOWN" IN THE ANALS OF SPORTS ILL-ISTRATED OPEN
FOURUM OF SLEEZY. ( NOT ONE OF SNOE WHITE'S DWARFS)
I UNDERSTAND THAT EACH OF THE 14, WILL AUDITION FOR THE NEW VERSION OF
"THE PRICE IS RIGHT"
2. THE NEW SYLVESTER STALLONE MOVIE, "THE EXPENDABLES"( ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT WAIST SIZE'S) SLY'S CO-STARS WILL BE, DOLPH LUNDGREN, REIC ROBERTS,
WILFRED BRIMLEY, JETT LEE, DICK VAN DYKE, MEREDETH BAXTER, MARJORIE LORD, MARJORIE MAIN, JON CLAUDE VAN DAMN, VICTOR JORY, REGIS PILLBAN, MICKEY
ROONEY( YES HE IS STILL ALIVE, AT 114YRS.OLD) SABU, RUSS TAMBLYN, NANCY CULP,
NANCY'S BROTHER, ROBERT CULP, MANTAN MORELAND,BURL IVES, DAVID LADD,
JOSE GRECCO,BUDDY GRECCO,HELEN GRACCO, ANN HATHAWAY( THE DAUGHTER OF
"THEY WENT THATAWAY".
CAMEO'S WILL BE, ALEX TREBEC, MORRY THE DELI MAN, NANCY QUAN, POLLY BERGIN, NANCY META, ERNEST BORGNINE, POLLY ADLER, PHILO VANCE, MR. T,
STACY LONDON, A FAVORITE OF MINE, DR. OZ AND HIS FATHER, WIZARD.
PLUS BETTY WHITE AND ROGER MOORE, AS STAR CROSSED LOVERS.
PART OF THE BUDGET WILL BE THE MAKERS OF "GERITOL" AND DONALD TRUMP'S
ALIMONY FUND, VESTED AND FUTURE.
3.JAMES CAMERON, AS THE GENIUS OF THE DECADE. THE MAN WITH SUCH VISION,
THAT HE HAS PREDICTED THAT SARA PALLIN, WILL STAR IN THE REMAKE OF THE FILM
"THE MOUTH THAT ROARD"
4. TO ANJOYLIE JOLIE, FOR BUYING UP THE RIGHTS, TO THE LIFE OF MS. SOUL-EE-MAN
ENTITLED, "I REQUESTED A WIDE BIRTH, BUT NOT IN PURPIDTWOITY"
INTERMISSION, BUT NOT A POSITION.
POLITICK AWARDS
1. SEN. ROBERT BYRD, THE MAN WHO PROVES THAT PERSONALITY AND CONGRESS
ARE NOT RELATED.
2.SEN. CHANEY, THE BLACKSHEEP OF THE LAWN CHANEY DYNASTY. COMPARE HIM
TO CHEVY CHASE ON "SATURDAY NITE LIVE" AUNTICS.
3. MS. NANCY PELOSSIE, A COMBINATION OF BEAUTY, WIT,CHARM AND THE ONLY
PERSON IN GOVERNMENT, WHO COULD FLIP YOU THE "BYRD", WITHOUT MOVING
HER HAND.
5. SARA PALLIN, YES AGAIN, WHO SHOULD NOT GO HUNTING WITH SEN. CHANEY, OR
MAYBE SHE SHOULD.
6. THE FORMER GOV. OF ILL., YOU KNOW THE GUY WITH HIS HAIR OVER HIS EYES,
AS OPPOSED TO THE WOOL OVER HIS EYES, I WILL TRY TO NAME THIS MODERN
"ISHKABIBBLE" RON BRADORIVITCHITCH.
THE SPORTS WORLD AWARDS. IN ALL HUMILITY, THESE PEOPLE THINK THE PHRASE
"BATTERS UP" IS A DESCRIPTION, NOT A SPORT'S TACTIC.
NUMERO UNO, OF COURSE ,GOES TO THE FORMER IDOL OF BILLIONS OF PEOPLE,
THE MAN THAT "GOOD HOUSEKEEPING" PICKED AS THE MAN TO LOOK UP TO,
BUT ONLY IF YOU ARE A "FREE AGENT", WITH A MONTHLY INCOME( NOW, THAT'S
A FUNNY WAY OF PUTTING IT) THE WINNER, WHO IS NOW THE BIGGEST LOOSER'
IS TIGER WOODS( WHO SHOULD OF BEEN A MORMON)
I DON'T WANT TO KICK A MAN THAT IS DOWN, BUT WHAT WAS HE THINKING?
ITZ KIND OF LIKE CHINESE FOOD, AFTER AN HOUR, YOU WANT SOME MORE,MORE
AND MORE. ANYONE WHO LEAVES VOICE MASSAGES FOR HIS DESSERTS,
REALLY HAS A LOOSE SCREW. IN TIGER'S CASE(S), HE WAS ONLY AFTER
A TIGHT SCREW. WHERE WERE HIS POSSY"THE CORRECT SPELLING" OF HIS
HANDLERS, WHO SHOULD OF PROTECTED HIS GOODY TWO SHOES IMAGE?
THEY SAW WHAT HE WAS "UP TWO"(OR DOWN TWO) AND USED A LITTLE BRAIN
POWER, TO USE THE PROPER VENUE TO PLEASE HIS STROKES,
WHAT TIGER NEEDED WAS A COL. PARKER, NOT PVT. RUMP-FREE.
2. TO ALEX ROD(NOW THAT'S FUNNY)RIGUEZ, FOR SHOWING HOW TO SLIDE INTO
A HOME RUN. HE HAS SHOWED GREAT STAMINA IN TRADING IN AN OLDER MODEL BLONDE, INTO A YOUNGER ONE. I GUESS HE THOUGHT HE WAS A GREAT PILOT,
BECAUSE HE ALSO LANDED IN THE HUDSON.
3. TO KOBE, FOR LEARNING THE SONG, "DIAMONDS AND A GOOD DIVORCE LAWYER, ARE A GIRL'S BEST FRIEND.
SO THAT'S IT, THE 2009 BLOG-MITZFA AWARDS ANNOUNCEMENTS HAVE BEEN MADE.
I AM STILL MARSHALL BITKOWER AND HARVEY LEVIN(OR UNLEVIN) CAN KEEP HIS
TMZ, I HAVE MY AZA. OH YEAH, BEFOUR I SIGN OFF, FOR TONIGHT, I HEAR THAT
TROJAN CO., MAY HAVE TIGER WOODS, AS THEIR SPOKESMAN, FOR 2010.
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