WORLD'S LARGEST DATING SITE, "DOLLY MADISON" HIRE'S NEW PITCHMAN, TIGER WOODS, TO FIVE YEAR CONTRACT FOR ONE HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS A YEAR, OF A FIVE YEAR CONTRACT!

TIGER IS NOW BIGGER THAN DAVID BECKHAM. JUST ASK HANES. THIS IS A VIS-YOU-AL
THING ( DON'Y ASK ME ABOUT MY "THING")  TIGER BABY'S NEW SPON-SORE IS
THE DOLLY MADISON DATING SIGHT. IT IS RUMORED, THAT "THE WOODS-MAN"
WILL ALSO GET A "PEACE" OF THE ACTION.

DOLLY MADISON AND TIGER BABY ARE A PERFECT MATCH. KINDA LIKE JOHN
F( KNOW WHAT THE "F" STANDS FOUR?) KENNEDY AND THE "HOLLY-WOOD"
HALL OF FAME. TMZ SAYS JFK, HAS HAD MOST OF HOOLY-WOOD BLVD. AND
VINE ST., BETWEEN SUNSET AND HOLLYWIERD BLVD.  I, ALSO HEAR A GOOD PIECE
OF "FRANK SINATRA BLVD., IN PALM SPRINGS, ASS WELL.

I AM NOT A GOLF INFORMED PERSON, BUT HAS "WOOD-SEE", EVER WON THE MASTER'S?   I KNOW HE CERTAINLY HAS WON THE "MISTESS'S" AWARD. HE IS
NOW CALLED A "MOTHER-PUTTER"  I ALSO HEAR THAT THE "SMITHSONIAN" HAS
REQUESTED "TIGER'S PUTTER"  IT WILL LIE NEXT TO THE "LINCOLN LOGS" (BADA BING
BADA BANG)

OUR WITTLE TIGER HAS PUT A BID IN, TO BUY THE ELIZABETH TAYLOR ESTATE
IN BEL AIR, BECAUSE IT HAS 127 BEDROOMS. HIS PURCHASE WILL TAKE AFFECT
ON FEB. 14TH. ( THINK 'BOUT IT)  HE HAS PUT DOWN ( CUTE PHRASE) 33MILLION,
ON A "LAY"-AWAY PLAN. THE TOTAL PRICE IS 169 MILLION DOLLARS


THE HOLLYWOOD VARIETY( NOW THAT'S FUNNY, THINK IT OVER, OR UNDER) HAS
REPORTED THAT TIGER WILL TRY AND SIR-PASS, MCDONALD'S CLAIM OF OVER
2 BILLION SERVED/SERVICED.


CHINA, BULL-GARIA, ROMANIA,THE GAZA STRIP CLUB, FRANCE AND PAYGO,PAYGO
WILL EXPORT ALL OF THEIR WOMEN TO":TIGERLAND ", WHICH WILL NOW BE NAMED
"THE HAPPYEST PLACE ON EARTH" SORRY ABOUT THAT MR. DISNEY.


THE WALL STREET JOURNAL, HAS REPORTED THAT TIGER'S WISH LIST IS NOW LONGER
THAN "WAR&PIECE"


SO THAT'S ABOUT IT AND I AM STILL MARSHALL BITKOWER. THE EDITORS OF
SPORTSMEN ILLUSTRATED, HAVE REPORTED THAT TIGER IS NOW NUMBER WON,
FOR HAVING USED THE MOST USED "BALLS" IN THE HISTORY OF SPORTS.