"AUTHOR,AUTHOR," WHAT IS A MARSHALL BITKOWER"

WHO & WHAT IS A MARSHALL BITKOWER? IS A QUESTION THAT EVEN DAVID LETTERMAN MAY NOT KNOW.
MARHALL BITKOWER'S DREAM WAS TO BE A SINGER WHO HAD IDOLIZED DEAN MARTIN AND STEVE LAWRENCE.

After many years of hitting the pavements of the Sunset Strip with his "Demos", somehow he sent Steve Lawrence a "Demo" that
he had paid for, by working as a box-boy at "Daylite Mrkt" on La Cieniga. It was the "Gelson's" of it's time. Steve Lawrence sent the demo
to Edward Kleban, West Coast A&R man at "Columbia Records" Columbia was going to sign a new young singer. It ended up that there were
two final contestants, Marshall and Mike Clifford, on the East Coast. The contract went to Clifford, because the "Brass" said Marshall sounded
too much like Steve Lawrence. I thought they were real "Schmucks"

Ed Kleban was pissed at Columbia for not picking Marshall and he quit his job. Ed went to New York and wrote the lyrics for a new Broadway
Show. It was called "A CHORUS LINE", and who knows what became of this Musical( Ha!Ha!Ha!)

Being very disappointed, I( Yes I am Marshall, not to be confused with "We Are Marshall") went to college, majored in Theatre Arts and
took "Fencing" over "Ballet". You had to take either course. The thought of being in a two-two, was not nor is my style.

After college, I decided that becoming an Attorney, was the closest thing to playing to a live audience. I thought lawyers wore gray suits
and drove Bu-Hicks. I went to Southwestern University School Of Law and surprisingly, passed the Bar, on the first try.
I became a Deputy City Attorney for Los Angles, Criminal Division. My first day was quite interesting. I was assigned to "The Pit", where
people came in and gave stories(most of them claimed they were being followed by "space ailiens" with antenna's sticking out of there heads)

A woman walked in, I was facing away from her, so David Ogden, a former mortician, my partner in "The Pit" listened to her tail of woe.
It seemed her neighbor walked his two "German Shepard Dogs" off the leash and wanted to report on him. I heard this and started to turn
around when she yelled out, "That's Him, the dog guy" Luckily David's experience in handling people( HA!HA!HAW!) came in handy.
He told her that since I became an attorney, I will not violate the "Leash Law"
.

Within ten minutes after she left, I got a call from David Perez, head of criminal to come to his office. David, who never had a hair
out of place on his head said to me, "Marshall, every one of my prosecutors has had complaints from people, but never in the first
five minutes on the job. He looked at me and started to laugh so loud.

I guess David Perez liked me, because at Christmas Time, he gave five bottles of expensive "Scotch" to his best Deputies. Out of
one hundred Deputies, some how I was in the top five. David went on to be a Superior Court Judge in Santa Monica, hearring
only Criminal Cases.

I transfered to The District Attorney's Office, because I wanted to try felony cases. The first case assigned to me was a "Beastyality" case.
The defendant was caught by two L.A.P.D. officers attempting to have sex with a "Chicken" in the back seat of his car. The Police arrested him, but the case couldn't be tried because ( This is true!) they couldn't find the chicken to complain against him. My first "Big" case was a murder case, where the
deceased had started a fight with a knife, lost the knife to the defendant, who stabbed him 16 times, even though the deceased was lying "face down"
on the ground. The defendent's beautiful, five year old daughter, with braces, was brought in the court by her mother, when argument started
to the Jury. I knew her being there would cause the Jury to acquit him. I didn't realize it before, but no D.A. wanted to try this "Dog" A name
given to loser cases for the D.A's.

After the Jury came back with a Guilty Verdict, the Judge, Leslie Light , said to me, "Weren't you a little overly dramatic with your argument?"
I said no and asked Judge Light, if he was ever in the Military? He said yes, the Marines and I said "it figures". He just smiled at me.

Judge Leslie Light was a truly the smartest Judge on the bench. He knew the Law, backward and forward. He was indeed the Greatest Criminal
Judge ever to sit, in The United States. When I was writting my list of guests at my wedding, I sent an invitation to Judge Light.
He saw me walking down the hall of The Criminal Court and said he recieved my invitation, but he makes a rule that he does not
mix business with pleasure. As my heart started to sink, he looked at me and said "In your case, Ill make an exception and will attend"

I started to write just a "Bissel" ( not the vacuum) A Bissel is Yiddish for "little.

Well I am still Marshall Bitkower and that's just a little history of Marshall Bitkower. God Bless